Lately I’ve been having a back and forth battle with my heart and my mind. My mind is telling me to just let this love I have for him go but my heart hopes and prays that everything will be okay because this is the person I love. Having all these feelings are becoming toxic and I just want to let them go but how do I go about that? For the past few weeks I’ve been watching episodes of Iyanla Fix My Life and she said something that related to me and many other women. Us, women hang on to these toxic relationships because we are holding on to the promise, the promise or many promises these men make. In the back of our minds we still have hope and believe something will change, which explains why it’s hard for us to walk away when those promises are broken. I’m not sure if these steps I found actually work because I have yet to try them for myself but here is what Dr Phil has to say about letting go of love.
Does he really even make you happy? Be honest with yourself about the extent to which he’s really meeting your needs. Chances are you’re longing for the relationship that you wish it could be, and that you want to be in love with the person you wish he was. Dr. Phil reminds a guest: “There are times when you break up with somebody and you start missing them and you start thinking about all the good things. And then you’re back with them for about 10 minutes and you go ‘Oh yeah! Now I remember why I hate you!’” Don’t kid yourself about what it was really like or glorify the past.
Don’t wait around because you think he’s going to change. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so the chance that he’s going to ride in on his white horse and do the right thing is pretty slim. Dr. Phil explains, “To the extent that there’s some history, you don’t have to speculate, you just have to measure.”
Don’t put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that’s holding you back from a better future. Dr. Phil tells his guest, “As long you are obsessed on this guy, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one.” Set some goals and start putting your life back together.
Don’t beat yourself up. You got through your last experience, you’ve learned from it, and now it’s time to move forward. Dr. Phil tells his guest, “You’ll move on and be a champion in your next endeavor as you did in your past … Life is not a success-only journey. You are going to get beat up along the way.”
Focus on yourself. All of us come into relationships with baggage, but you need to have closure on past experiences before you can start a new relationship with the odds in your favor. Dr. Phil tells a guest who’s had trouble with her father, her brother and two previous husbands: “Unless and until you’ve figured out everything you’ve got to figure out about that and you get closure, you will never come into a relationship with a fresh and clean heart and mind and expectancy and attitude.” You’re probably not ready to get into another relationship until you heal the wounds of your past.
These are just a few quotes that I decided to post because they are perfect for my situation. Will they help me let go? Who really knows. I have to admit to myself that this isn’t going to work and be ready for a change. When I can do that then maybe these steps can help me move on.
What have you done when it came to getting over an ex and how long did it take you?
Would you take Dr Phil’s advice?