Dating is a part of the human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage.
Living in a generation where a date seems to be nothing more than a night in watching movies & what seems like a guaranteed hookup, it’s hard to believe there are still good men out there who will take the time to get to know who you are. The days of courting have stopped and we are now stuck in a world of “Netflix & Chill” and meme’s on Instagram that represent ones “relationship goals.”
But tell me how can one achieve “relationship goals” when we aren’t taking steps to get to know an individual,and when I speak of getting to know a person I am not speaking of their body. We have lost sight of why we begin dating in the first place, to find that one person we will eventually marry and build a life with. Instead “dating” is now the new hook up. The goal isn’t marriage but sex. There’s no long talks on the phone, learning about each other’s hopes, dreams, fears and likes. Instead calls are midnight text requesting you to “come through” for a late night booty call. In most cases the female expects for sex to turn into a relationship but the guy is just killing time with her and two others just like her. A lot of times people will take the sex over getting to know one another for the simple fact they fear being alone and/or fear being hurt. If a date always consist of you meeting someone at their house I think it’s safe to say it’s no longer a date and you two are simply cuddy buddies.
Sex can be good but I’m a romantic. I want to be courted by a man not lusted over. What is courting you ask? In a way it’s the same as dating minus the intimacy. The goal is marriage. I will admit that in a modern-day world it is very hard to abstain from sexual intimacy, especially when you find you have a chemistry with someone that is very undeniable. If waiting for marriage is something you don’t want to do set a goal of how long you’ll wait. Be sure that he/she is your only interest. Unlike dating, where you are allowed to be with more than one person, unless you two come to an agreement, courting should only involve one person. Knowing that you both are only involved with each other will automatically build some trust between one another and allow you two to let down your guards and let one another in. It’s best to be upfront when it comes to your intentions and it should be the man pursuing the woman. He will become your beside friend before anything else. When courting instead of always getting you alone you will enjoy group activities with friends and family, giving each of you an idea of how you interact when people are around. Can you getting along with those in each others life? Trust me when I say your family and friends will give you their honest opinions once the night ends and you go your separate ways.
Being a mother I also have to take my child into consideration. I’ve already made the mistake of bringing around someone who had no intentions of staying around. This is when you have to pay close attention to a person’s actions and not their words. A man can tell you one thing and do the complete opposite. I will not be the woman who allows men to come in and out of my son’s life. I want him to grow up around a respectful, hardworking, supportive, positive and religious man. A lot of times women won’t bring up their children or find out how a man feels about kids in hopes he will stick around. The first thing I do is bring up that I’m a mother to see where his head is at because if you can’t accept that I have a child there’s no need for me to waste my time. If you are okay with me having a child, is having one of your own something you want as well?
Do you believe in marriage? Do you believe in the man protecting and providing for his family? Do you pray? Would you support your woman if she decided to pursue her dreams? These are also things you need to take into consideration when dating.
Growing up in the age of social media and smart phones it’s safe to say all romance is gone. When was the last time you actually seen two people focused on each other and not scrolling through IG at the dinner table or snapping their whole vacation/outing? We aren’t taking in each other anymore but instead putting on a show for the world a focusing on things that are not physically in front of us. What’s the point of dating if mentally you aren’t available or don’t have any intentions of letting someone in?
I believe there are men out their who approach a woman with the intention of spending the rest of their lives with that one person. I do believe men still know how to pick up the phone and have an intellectual conversation and not a quick, “What you doing? Where you at?” I do believe that men get to know your mind and soul before exploring your body. And I most definitely believe that men know how to stay faithful in a world full of temptation. Yes, we are living in a generation where women and men are starting to lose hope, wondering if they still make good men/women but sometimes we just have to have faith that he/she will enter our lives when they’re supposed to.