Last night before bed I decided to listen to Stage 30‘s Podcast, “We Ain’t Friends.” The show is hosted by Su & Tray. You can follow their twitter handle @Stage30_ and catch a new episode every week.

They discussed learning when to let go of friendships and recognizing when people really aren’t your friends. Although their Podcast is geared towards those who just hit 30 and what life brings, this particular subject caught my attention. Plus I’ll be hitting 30 before I know it.

Growing up we build bonds with individuals based on the fact that we are in each other’s presence everyday whether that’s at school,gatherings or work. You see these particular people so much that eventually you begin to call each other friends.

Now me I still speak to people from elementary school up to college, even some of my previous coworkers but I would consider them associates. We follow each other on social media and that’s about it. We don’t hang out unless it’s a random encounter out in public and we definitely don’t call and check on each other. In that case it’s safe to say we aren’t really friends nor are we enemies.

Honestly I learned immediately that everyone in your life that you connect with at some level, can’t be called a friend. I’m someone who doesn’t hesitate to end friendships. If I feel like you aren’t putting in the same effort I am I will eventually remove myself from the situation.

During the podcast Su & Tray brought up how having history with a person sometimes causes us to overlook the obvious, that friends can grow apart. We hold on to the memories we’ve created and ignore the signs in front of us letting us know that this friendship has come to an end.

I’ve had someone in my life that I’ve called my best friend for 14 years now but I can say for almost 4 of those years things have drastically changed. We went from always talking to me not even knowing how to reach them. We went from finding time to see each other to the other person having an excuse to why they haven’t come around. First I chalked it up to my friend is out there living and going after dreams, eventually we’ll speak because that’s what best friends do.

BUT then you start noticing that the excuses they are giving you don’t add up. How can you find time to go to parties, take trips and be around all these other people? How is it I can see you on social media conversing with others but can’t respond to one of my messages seeing how you are? When you start noticing these things It’s safe to say they don’t care about the friendship as much as you do. They don’t care that you are putting in effort to rebuild a friendship that they’ve already let go.

As you get older you start realizing that certain people don’t have the same values when it comes to friendship as you do. No lie it hurts but you learn to let it go and appreciate those people who have stuck around. You may not even get to see each other or speak everyday but you know that equally you put in the same effort to check on each other’s well-being and catch up on life. Those friends I can count on one hand and I haven’t known them since childhood. Don’t waste time trying to fix something that’s broken. Just know it happened for a reason and there’s better out there. You don’t stop making friends when you hit a certain age you just pick better and know when it’s time to remove yourself from certain groups and/or individuals.