As I was driving home from work the other day with my music blasting, a song popped on that made me start thinking of my past relationships. While drifting off in my thoughts I realized I knew when all my relationships were coming to an end, well except my first one. That’s a story that I don’t think has completely come to an end but we will discuss that at a different time. Anyways what I’m getting at is most of the time there are signs letting us know when we shouldn’t be with our partner anymore.
The beginning stages of a new relationship are always the happiest. The two of you are pretty much obsessed with one another; spending hours talking on the phone and if you weren’t talking then you were texting. In the beginning you actually cared how the other was feeling and wanted to spend every moment you had available together.
Arguments don’t exist and its pure happiness in the honeymoon stage. You already make plans for your future (marriage, houses and kids) before fully knowing one another. The first disagreement comes putting your true feelings to the test. If the way the two of you feel about each other before the argument remains the same, most likely you’ll have a mature conversation and work through the issues. Why throw away something at the first realization that you don’t have the same opinions?
Not everyone can work through their problems because not everyone is meant to be. Some relationships get to a point of no return. It’s the moment when you wake up and decide you no longer want to be there. You’re fighting to hold on because the thought of being single and starting over scares the living hell out of you. Who really wants to get to know someone all over again; opening yourself up to rejection, judgment and becoming vulnerable? No one, but that fear shouldn’t stop you from saying its time to say goodbye.
For me there were a number of reasons that lead me to no longer want to be in a relationship/knowing it was over. Lack of love, trust and not feeling like you have a protector can make you think about where things are really going. Here are a few other things I realized made me want to leave:
- Not Feeling Appreciated
When you care about someone a lot of times you’ll go out of your way to make sure they’re good. During hard times you do your best to make them smile, take care of them mentally, physically and financially. You aren’t obligated to do it but you want to because that’s how you’re programmed. You did it out of the kindness of your heart not because you had other motives. I can remember getting into arguments with one of my exes because he always felt as if I wasn’t being supportive/doing enough to help his situation. I can remember him always throwing in my face what someone else used to do or would do and all I would think was what an ungrateful bastard. The first time I can’t do something for you, you throw a tantrum like a toddler. It started to get to a point where I felt like nothing I did was enough. Why keep trying when he doesn’t appreciate anything I do? Don’t!
2. Lack of Communication
Thinking back I can remember sitting in the same room with my partner and we’d literally talk about nothing. He would sit on his phone smiling and laughing. If we are a couple we should be able to have conversations outside of text messages. I shouldn’t feel like I’m coming second to your phone or anyone else for that matter.
3. NO R.E.S.P.E.C.T
For me the arguments were always taken to the extreme over the smallest things. Problems couldn’t be resolved in a civilized manner. Names were getting called and each others past were being brought back to light. The one person you thought you could trust starts turning on you right before your eyes. In the beginning you agreed that the two of you would never speak to each other with such hate. In the beginning you both agreed to always be respectful of one another. Now it’s at a point where he’s calling you all kind of bitches and hoes, bringing up how he can’t stand your family, yelling at the top of his lungs so you can’t get a word in. You start to disrespect his manhood; telling him he’s worthless and acts like a bitch. The goal becomes to hurt the other more than they hurt you.
I’ve even been in a situation where the guy I was seeing (we never got to the boyfriend/girlfriend level) thought it was okay to tell me about all the women he wants to be with or has been with while he was dealing with me. I asked and he told and he seemed to get more and more comfortable just freely telling me about his sexual desires and adventures. All I kept thinking was how disrespectful could this man get. Even bringing up how I felt disrespected and didn’t want to hear that shit led to an argument. He’d apologize but it didn’t stop things from getting worse. This man went out and got into a relationship with someone in another state all while still trying to have me under lock in key. MAJOR Disrespect. That shit ended before it could even begin. A year of my life WASTED.
4. The Sex Stopped
If that’s not a sign the relationship is over I don’t know what is. How do you go from fucking all the time to once a month and then eventually not at all. That’s the quickest way for a relationship to come to an end and if you guys don’t end it someone is surely stepping out. This has led me to walk out on a relationship of mine. I started to feel unattractive and that someone else already entered the picture.
5. You Stop Caring/Everything Annoys You
The final sign that It was time for my relationships to come to an end was I just didn’t care about my partners feeling anymore. I didn’t care if I didn’t pay attention to what they had to say. I didn’t care that he was doing everything in his power to make me happy when I was feeling down because the problem was me not wanting to be there anymore. I got to the point where I just wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to be hugged or kissed. Just the sight of him annoyed me. I would have rather been anywhere else but there with him. I used to care about them always wanting to spend time with their friends. Now it was to the point that I wished they would leave so I could have my own space.
I’ve had situations where I’ve been the one getting cheated on and I stayed thinking that things would work out, eventually I didn’t care about the females calling, texting and in-boxing him on Instagram. I didn’t care to fight about it and tell him how he was the worst thing that could have happened to me. Eventually all the yelling and complaining I used to do turned to silence. IT WAS DONE.
When did you know your relationship was coming to an end….?
2 responses to “How I Knew My Relationships Were Coming To An End..”
Hi Renee. I’m Dimpho from south Africa.
I would appreciate your view on something. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, both turning 20 later this year. We’re so much in love. Our communication is good. The level of trust is great and the sex is good too. However sometimes, i feel he doesn’t understand me emotionally. We’ve talked about it and he promised to not repeat what he’d done to upset me. However he does things that’d upset me time nd again, not often though nd always apologizes. He says it’s not intentional nd he only realizes afterwards that what he did was wrong. Should I be worried or we’re still young and on the pathway of self discovery?
Hi Dimpho! I’m so sorry for the late response. I’ve thought about what you’ve said and I don’t think it’s something you should worry about especially because the two of you are still young. I will tell you this, as women we mature faster and we know how to deal with emotions on a different level than guys. The younger they are the less aware they are about understanding us emotionally. No matter how many times you explain to a guy how he’s making you feel he still won’t get it. He’ll have to learn for himself. Hopefully it doesn’t take him years. I’ll be 27 and I still come across guys that don’t get me emotionally but at this point I know I want someone who can so I don’t bother wasting time. Since you’re still young it may change for you two.