When I first started this blog I wanted my key audience to be mothers who had to deal with raising children on their own. I wanted to let women like me know they weren’t alone so I started my Single Mom Segment. Unfortunately some people, my son’s dad, weren’t happy about me sharing my life so I stopped writing but this is my truth so I want to start it up again.
People like to talk down on single mothers and say we should have waited to have children but not everything goes as planned.
Yes, it would have been nice to be married before getting pregnant but I didn’t go that route. I decided to have a kid with someone I thought I was going to be with forever before actually putting thought into what the outcome could possibly be. When you start having conversations about marriage and family we as women tend to let a lot go out of the window, our brains being the first. Looking back if I would have got out of my feelings and looked at the guy I reproduced with I can honestly say my son wouldn’t be here, so part of me is happy I ignored the signs. I always say if I could have the exact same kid but with a different man I would but we all know that’s not possible.
I met my son’s dad I want to say when I was 19 and even back then he was no good for me. I almost let him turn me into a person I knew I didn’t want to be just to get his attention. It was definitely the first time I let somebody take advantage of me; convince me to do things I had no business doing. At first I ignored it because he had the “nice guy” vibe going until he didn’t anymore. Once I started becoming someone I didn’t want to become I stopped communicating with him before things got worst but 4 years later I still ended up with him, having his child at that.
I guess you start to think that after a certain amount of time people grow up and change but it just seemed like he got worse as he got older. Yea he put on the nice guy role until he realized I was really going to have the baby we talked about. The more I started thinking about how I was going to take care of my baby all he was worried about was rapping. Yeah it’s nice to go after your dreams but you also have to think about the right now. He didn’t want to work and still doesn’t want to work. He was satisfied with risking his life chasing fast money. He’s been in and out of jail since I’ve had my son, disrespecting me and my family, shit disrespecting his son by not wanting to come around because he felt as if it made him weak for having to apologize to those he’s done wrong or since he didn’t want to see my face that meant he wasn’t going to see his son at all.
It only showed me how I picked the wrong guy to have a kid with. Any man who wanted to really be in their kids life would get their life together. They’d stop running the streets because they know they need to be a role model for their children. They wouldn’t let their feelings towards you or your family stop them from finding away to come see their child. If you can run around with your male friends and bitches all day you can find away to see your kid. Man, I can’t even count the number of times he’s told me he didn’t have to do shit for my son and that he had another kid to worry about. There’s only so many times you are going to tell me you aren’t going to do shit for my son because you don’t get to have him by yourself before I raise all kind of hell. The way your life is set up a judge wouldn’t allow it. But the way your life is set up is exactlu why we haven’t been in a court. What kind of man let’s his hate for their child’s mother stop them from taking care of their child? One that didn’t really need to be a father in the first place.
You guys may say well why don’t you just take your son to be with him. Would you leave your child in the care of someone who’s always getting shot at, has warrants, tells you it’s not safe to come to a certain place and you have not a clue where they lay their head at night? Would you leave your child in the care of someone who doesn’t even have a car or license? Would you leave your child in the care of a person who feels it’s okay to let prostitutes or any female their fucking at the time, watch your child while he goes to do who knows what? Hell NO!!
I’m sorry but I’m not going to take that risk. I’m not going to be that mother. I’m not going to sit at home wondering if I’ll be getting a call from CPS or someone telling me my child is hurt or his father is back in jail or worst, dead and now I’m trying to get my kid back into my care. Family or not it’s a mothers job to protect her child and that’s what I’ve been doing for almost 3 years now.
I appreciate the guys out there that put their pride aside and say let me go see my child even though me and his/her mom aren’t on the best of terms. I appreciate the men who step up and get shit in their life right to be able to have their kid full or part time. One thing I’ve never done is tell him he can’t come visit. We could all go somewhere together and yall can do your thing, I’ll go sit in a corner somewhere. I don’t want to be with you and I’m not trying to keep your child away because we aren’t a couple. My main concern is my child’s safety. I also don’t want any man, father or not thinking it’s okay to come in and out of my kids life because that’s not fair to that child.
There’s going to be people out there that’s not going to like what I have to say or agree with me but this is my truth and what I believe is right. We’ll always agree to disagree.