I never liked dating… to be honest up until my son I literally always had a boyfriend. Once me and my son’s dad didn’t work out I swore off dating for almost a year. My main focus was on my son, to get over my heartbreak and build my strength back up. Doing that meant there was no room for any men to come in my life and fuck me up any further.
Once I did start thinking about dating, which really only came to mind when I wanted to get out the house, I started thinking who wants someone who just had a kid. Then it was like okay what if i start liking the person I’m dating. I can’t just bring anyone around unless they are serious about me. A million thoughts started to run through my mind again and I was just like I do not want to do this dating thing anymore. It was going to be way too much for me to handle. How was I gong to split my time between my son and whatever guy I let in my life? Shit I wasn’t. My son was going to always come before him and not a lot of guys could handle that. If you were going to date me your were going to have to understand I can’t come running like most girls and I’m definitely not going to play games.
Before even entertaining anyone the first thing I mentioned was my son and the following questions followed:
- How do you feel about women with kids?
- Have you dated someone with kids?
- Do you like kids?
- Are you looking for something serious or casual?
I didn’t want to get involved with anyone who wasn’t looking toward the future. If they were looking to have “fun” I wasn’t interested.
I eventually did start seeing someone, he had a son a few months younger than mine. That was good for about 6 months and the last 5 months were a waste of my precious time. After that situation I found myself chatting it up with one of the daycare dads and we went on a few dates, well all but one was a playdate. I usually don’t let my son around anyone but this was an exception since our kids are practically best friends and me and him shared mutual friends. Anyways both of these situations made me realize why guys are always talking about not wanting to date single mothers; their usually not over their kids father or they have constant drama. This is what I found myself dealing with while talking to these ‘single’ dads.
The first guy I wasted a year with I should have seen the outcome of our situation. Well I actually did see it coming but he DENIED DENIED DENIED. Before entertaining the idea of dating him we would spend a lot of time chatting. He’d ask me question regarding his kids development and would tell me about all the horrible things his baby mother did to him. When we finally started seeing each other it got to a point where the baby mama talk didn’t stop. They were always having these intense fights and it reminded me of me and my son’s dad. When I still wanted to be with my son’s dad we’d fight all the time, when I heard about other women I was pissed and I’d even find myself fighting over him. His situation was starting to remind me of that.
What really started to bother me was the fact that on his weekends with their son she was literally always they’re spending the night and trying to get back with him, especially after she found out about me. She made it her duty to be with them every single weekend just to piss me off. I’d bring it up to him and he thought nothing of it. The more they fought and when she eventually started putting me into the drama I suggested they just get back together. He was spending all this time with her and going on vacations there was no doubt in my mind that something was going on and if it wasn’t it was going to start, which it did. Still he was like no no no no don’t want her blah blah blah. His favorite line was this is just for my son but they were taking things way beyond co-parenting.
It’s so funny, now that me and him are no longer speaking she has a boyfriend. I guess its true when they say men/women only want their family back when they see you happy with someone else.
The last dad I was hanging with was a nice guy, cute and funny but he was not over his son’s mom. When I asked why they broke up he didn’t really say but I kind of feel like once we started hanging a lot with our kids he knew it was too much. Or it could have been when I finally asked if he was sure he was over his son’s mom. He told me that would be a conversation we’d have later and after that didn’t hear from him for days until he finally told me he can’t be what I want and then began to ignore my every text and call after.
No lie this was one of those situations that confused the hell out of me because nothing bad happened. He was so open about enjoying the time he spent with me and liking me. We had just went to breakfast, the park, target and a movie with our kids. The weekend before that we went to our friend’s son’s 4th birthday party. We talked about possibly taking them to the zoo next time we hung out. We had plans to actually see each other without the kids before he went missing. I wasn’t mad that we stopped talking or that I brought my son around because he was still going to play with his son at daycare. I was definitely annoyed though because I felt like I never got a reason for the sudden change of heart. A bitch was blindsided okay! I went looking through all my messages and it started to make sense; he went MIA after I asked if he was all the way done with his son’s mom.I also seen that he had some things going on with his family and she was probably there for him during the hard times.
I can respect that he still wanted his family but I can’t deal with the leading someone on. Be positive you are done with the past before moving onto new people. This is why a lot of people don’t want to deal with single moms and dads because a lot of times it’s still baggage. They still have feelings involved outside of the kids. Part of them wants to work on their family and some just feel like they own their child’s parent so they go trying to ruin new relationships with the drama.
For someone who has a kid of their own I sure don’t want to date anyone else with kids lol. BUT I’ll never say never. I did that after the first one.