Bedroom Talk: Don’t Be Afraid To Speak Up

I was listening to Stage 30’s Podcast “Make Sure You Climax” and it brought up so much:

  • Not knowing our bodies
  • Being afraid to try new things
  • Thinking about his pleasure before yours
  • Not speaking up in the bedroom
  • Not wanting to sound like a freak hoe for speaking on sex

It gets to this point where it’s like I am not a little girl anymore. I shouldn’t be ashamed of who or how many people I’ve had sex with. I shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about sex with my girlfriends and especially the guy I’m sleeping with because if I am we don’t have any business fucking at all. I have some of my best conversations with my girlfriends about sex. Like girl you did that? I did that too but I didn’t want anyone to think I was being a hoe. Did it hurt? Oh, not really? let me try that out then.

The first time I had sex I had no clue what I was doing or what it was supposed to feel like. All I knew was he wanted sex and I wasn’t giving it to him lol. He never really pressed me about it but in high school I had some fast ass friends and one of them would always tell me girl its good and it doesn’t even hurt that bad once you start. Then of course one of his guy friends used to joke like damn you ain’t gave that boy any yet.

No lie I got to thinking about it more often and I came up with this whole plan to lose my virginity. It was going to be after winter ball but of course it didn’t go that way. It ended up being a random night where he wanted to see if I was ready. I gave in and said yes. He was down the street and around the corner at his dads house (I found out he actually snuck out with his dads car to come lol). My room was right next to the garage so I sprayed down the door so it wouldn’t squeak and let him in through the side lol. We didn’t use the bed because I didn’t want it to make any noise so the floor it was. I can remember him trying to enter me and it hurt so bad I kept pushing myself away from him every time he got closer to fully penetrating. I was getting rug burn from our pushing back and forth lol. He eventually got in but being the nice guy ( at least to me) he is he seen I was hurting and asked if I wanted him to stop. Hell yeah I did lol. We reconnected and I’ve had the grown man version and it was definitely different from when we were kids but I’ll say he knows what he’s doing.

I didn’t have sex for a year after that then I got pregnant so I went another year without having sex. I didn’t want to see another dick again. I didn’t really get sexually active again until I got to college. By then when I was having sex none of it was worth remembering or bragging about. I just laid on the bed while they acted as if they were doing the damn thing. I didn’t even have my first orgasm until 2 years ago. I didn’t know what was going on but I know it felt absolutely amazing. Juices were flowing like never before and I felt my body getting weak. Places where being touched that I didn’t know existed. I was in a whole new world and I let him know it. He looked at me in shock and was said no one has ever made you feel like this before then proceeded to tell me well you’ve officially lost your virginity lol. All this time I was having sex’ I had no idea what I was missing and I swore I wasn’t going to get it again after me and him were no longer having relations.

I never took the time out to learn my body. I didn’t know what I did or didn’t like when it came to sex. I was one of those girls who thought it was a waste of time touching myself because if I wanted sex I figured I’d just go get it from one of the guys I was talking to. If not then I just wasn’t going to have it. Getting older I started to realize how can I tell him where or how to touch me if I don’t explore my entire body myself. Once I started I loved it. I know that caressing my breast and rubbing my inner thighs gets me going. I learned that all guys need to know it’s not the penetration that brings us to a climax, unless you can hit the G-Spot, but it’s the clitoral stimulation that gets us going and it can be the winning play in the game.

Women don’t want to be left feeling like they wasted their time having sex because you came and she didn’t. Don’t be stingy, if you can’t get it back up use your tongue and get her off. Guys aren’t the only ones that like head you know. Although at one point I never wanted a guy to ever go down on me again because I felt like I was being raped with a tongue. This is before I learned that the clit was key. It was just all wrong until I met someone who knew how to do it right and he enjoyed doing it at that.

The last guy I dealt was amazing!! I loved that he knew what to do in the bedroom and our energies bounced off of each other. I enjoyed everything about his sex, which is probably why I dealt with him for so long, okay I hella liked him too. It was rare that I found someone I vibe’d with on a sexual wave. In the beginning I was shy but the more we spent time and got to know each other we were comfortable expressing how we felt when it came to sex or even the amount of people we were involved with in the past. I didn’t know I was doing it but he said I taught him a lot of new things and he was doing the same. When it came down to it he didn’t just jump in the pussy but he took his time with me; kisses on the neck all the way down to my thighs, he’d take it slow and move with the rhythm of my body, if I wanted him to speed up or choke me I wasn’t afraid to ask. If I was pleasing him he wasn’t afraid to flip me around and hit that 69 because he wanted to satisfy me as well. The sex wasn’t about him, it was about us, which was very rare for me. We also weren’t scared to take things out of the bedroom; we’ve been in office buildings and to the beach. We wanted to try out toys together because it would have been something new but we never got there.

Speaking of toys, I need to get a toy myself and see what it’s like. I’ve talked about getting one for years and never went for it. I did the research and all. I actually haven’t been in a sex shop but I’d love to visit one.

I’ll be 27 soon and it took me till 25 almost 26 to realize what I was missing. As women we have to be comfortable exploring our sexuality. Don’t be embarrassed to be asked to get slapped around a little in the bedroom ( it’s not abuse if I ask lol). Don’t be scared to tell him to the left a little or to take control so you can help him find that spot. BTW ladies we need to stop complaining about being on top because that’s when I’ve climaxed the most. If he’s a real man he’s not going to be pissed you let him know he needs to fix a few things so you guys can have better sex. REMEMBER everything isn’t about him. You’re not fucking for him you’re fucking for you.

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