Abstaining from Sex…? Maybe So

There’s been more than a few times in my life that the thought of being celibate came to mind.


Have I actually followed through with it? No, because part of me knew that I couldn’t commit. It’s one thing to just not have sex because you’ve been busy with life and the thought doesn’t really come to you but It’s another thing to tell yourself you aren’t going to have sex at all until you find the one you are going to spend your life with. The thought of actually being able to hold off until marriage sounds like a beautiful idea but then you have to stop and think about the temptations that you’ll eventually come across. So then it came to my mind that maybe I’ll practice abstinence, taking things a day at a time.

So what is the difference between abstinence and celibacy?

Abstinence: the practice of voluntarily abstaining from sexual intercourse and (usually) all other sexual activity

Celibacy: is the state in which a person consciously avoids any sexual activity, most times due to religious beliefs

Sexual abstinence is practiced by many individuals, for many different reasons – most commonly religious and/or moral reasons – and for many others it is simply a positive lifestyle choice. Some people have little or no desire for sex, others have found that having sex didn’t live up to their expectations, and yet others see sex as simply an unnecessary part of their already full lives

It crossed my mind some days ago when I was in one of my moods; thinking about my life and how I could become a better person. I was already feeling a certain way about the people in my contact list, mostly the males, so I began deleting numbers out of my phone. It wasn’t like I talked to these guys frequently, some it had been years since I’ve used their number or even seen their names pop up on my screen. Shit, some of the names I couldn’t even put a face too. It was clear I was wasting space in my phone and there definitely wasn’t going to be any room in my life. For the guys in my phone that I did occasionally speak to it wasn’t because they cared about me or what I had going on, it was because they wanted to get in my pants or get back in them. All these guys cared about were the physical interaction they were getting from me.

I’m living in this generation of hook ups and friends with benefits. Everyone talks about wanting to meet someone they can spend the rest of their lives with but they don’t take the steps to make it happen. They’d rather go sleep around, pretend to catch feelings and then say they aren’t looking for anything serious. We are just out here wasting each other’s time. I’m not getting any younger and life isn’t getting any easier so I don’t have time to waste on meaningless things and that includes sex. Sex is not a necessity to me. It may feel good temporally but so much more comes with it. Every person we lay with leaves their energy with us and that energy isn’t always positive. I feel like sex has brought more drama and distractions than it has positivity and happiness in my life.

Lately my thoughts have been that I’m getting to an age where I want a connection with a man that goes beyond sex. I want a man that knows my mind and my heart; not just my body. I don’t want to be the woman who sits there wondering what’s next after we’ve had sex. Why should I share my body with men who don’t plan on getting to truly know me and doesn’t plan on staying around. I want to get married one day and I feel like I am wasting time sharing my body with people I’m not going to share my life with. My body is my temple and I need to start treating it as such.Not every man that compliments my beauty deserves to touch me. Every man that treats me out to a meal or a night out shouldn’t expect sex from me. It’s my body and I shouldn’t be afraid to say, “no I’m not going to have sex with you,” because that’s my right.

During this process I’ll get to see people’s true colors; who truly values me as a person and not an object and be able to eliminate them if they haven’t already left on their own. I believe I’ll be able to make better choices and really focus on becoming a better person for me and my son. I’ll be able to focus on my passions without having the distraction of a man that doesn’t really want to be there.  I’ve never really been without someone; if I wasn’t in a relationship, I was talking to someone or going back to guys I used to deal with because I knew I could. I think it’s really time for me to take a deeper step into getting to know me and loving me 100%.

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