Almost two years ago I started on my journey towards losing weight. Most of my life I was tiny, no more than 110 lbs. Looking back on those pictures I told myself I never want to be that small again. It didn’t look good on me. It wasn’t until I turned 22 when I started gaining all my weight. I liked to think of it as my happy weight. I was in a good relationship, eating good and smoking a lot, which meant a lot of milk and cookies. The weight I was gaining I didn’t even notice. At that point in life I was confident with the way I looked. It didn’t bother me that my clothes were getting too small and my face was getting chunky. I felt beautiful probably the most I had ever felt.

I’d say it was a year after having my son, a month after his 1st birthday exactly that I started feeling a certain way about how I looked. I had been working at Google for a few months and with all the free food they were providing I started gaining all the baby weight back plus more. I was feeling uncomfortable in my own body so I reached out to a health coach to help me lose the weight. For awhile it was working. I was feeling good about myself and I lost a good amount of weight, 22 lbs, using Herbalife.

I’ve pretty much gained all my weight back, most of which has to be muscle because I can still fit into my clothes no problems. Honestly I like when I have weight on me. I don’t feel like there is anything wrong with having some meat on your bones. As long as you are comfortable with it then nothing anyone says should matter. Social media and health freaks put it in our heads that it’s a must you look a certain way. Everything seems to be about the physical and not the mental. If your stomach isn’t flat and your ass isn’t fat you don’t fit into what society sees as beautiful. Women are starting to go to extremes to look like the women they see on IG and on the television screen. Women will risk losing their lives by mutilating their bodies to fit into the standard. We even have those people who take the exercise route but will damn near starve themselves to get to a weight they feel is acceptable by others. To me it seems like people are no longer loving the skin they are in. Men can walk around with a gut and be praised but as soon as it’s a woman we look disgusting and need to lose weight. Young girls shouldn’t have to grow up in a society that makes them feel bad about themselves. It needs to be voiced that being healthy is important, not the way you look.

Lately I’ve been thinking about letting the Herbalife lifestyle go and starting my own health journey, one that works for me and not those around me. Everyone can’t travel the same path when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle because everyone is not the same. Herbalife is one of those things that just doesn’t work for me anymore. The shakes aren’t appealing anymore and I don’t like taking a bunch of pills. It’s getting to a point where I feel like I’m forcing myself to intake this product.

Being apart of Herbalife also meant being apart of a group of people on the same journey as me, which was inspirational and motivated me to keep pushing towards my goals but it also became discouraging. I don’t want to constantly be worried about how much weight I’m gaining and/or losing. If I’m maintaining my weight I don’t want anyone making me feel like I’m not doing enough or speaking to me like I am a child. I know those on the journey with you want the best for you and know you can achieve what you set your mind to but I don’t think they realize it sometimes causes a negative effect. Constantly having someone on your back about your weight makes you step away more than it pushes you. If I’m going to keep pushing towards a healthy life I have to push myself and be 100% in it on my own. I enjoy my workout routines, especially on days I just want to relax and let off some steam. Eventually I’ll get back into my meal preps or have my cousin prep for me and I’m definitely going to go back to making my own smoothies as well. I noticed that during the time I lost all my weight I was cooking faithfully and having my own smoothies faithful. I need to get back to that. I honestly don’t want to lose anything but my stomach I love the rest of me and sometimes I even love the hell out of my pudge and love handles. When I start losing the weight from all the places I love like my thighs, I absolutely hate it.

Anyways my point is do what’s best for you. Lose as much weight as you want or gain the weight you want because you don’t like being small. Just please make sute you are doing it for you not because some guy or health junkie or internet model is telling you should look a certain way. Long as you are happy with yourself inside and out nothing else should matter.

Posted by:Sydney Reneé

Sydney Reneé, is woman who has become strong, honest and always looking for ways to evolve. For an outlet she turned to writing, which is how The Diary of She was created. It became a public journal of her experiences in life. Through her writing she learned that not only was she helping herself but other women who had been in situations similar to hers. Sydney Reneé continues to be an inspiration to all women going through what we call life; reminding them that it's never too late to go after your dreams and speak your truth.

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