The Diary of She: Destination Unknown

Today I went for a walk, my usual 35-40 minute walk towards the end of the work day. Sitting at a desk all day gets a bit tiring so why not get up and get active. While on my walk I found myself staring off in the distance with a million thoughts going through my head. It’s normal for me to drift off and think about life, sometimes I even pull out my phone to write down a quick poem or a few quotes. Today I just let the thoughts eat at me. Thoughts of who I am today and who I’ll become in the future. Wondering if I’m sleeping on the present me. Have a truly found myself 100%? I can confidently say, “Not even”. Every other day I’m learning more about me. I’ve become a more positive person once I stopped allowing myself to mix with those who radiated their negative energy onto me. For a moment I thought all life had to offer me was disappointment and drama until I manifested peace upon me. I decided to stay away from those who made me feel less than and focus on the things that made me happy. BUT today during that walk I felt like I was having a midlife crisis and I’ve yet to hit my 30s. I asked myself what is it I truly want? Do I want to stop chasing after my dreams that I was once so passionate about? I was feeling like I knew my mission (write) but I didn’t know my where the destination was or how I was getting there. Did I go left, make a right or keep strutting forward until I reached the unknown destination. What happened if I came to a dead-end? I knew I’d have to turn around but then where would I go? would I have to start from the beginning; start all over again? The hard part for me isn’t figuring out what career I want and will be genuinely happy with. The hard part is figuring out how I’m going to get my writing out there, how I’m going to bring in my audience and how will I meet people to network with. It’s possible I’m terrified of rejection; scared that I won’t have any supporters or that my work won’t be good enough. Sometimes I think I need some reassurance and a shove forward instead of feeling like I’m completely alone on my journey to the world of published writers…

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