Going off to college is a whole new world or at least it seems. You’re leaving your parent’s house, walking away from high school life and stepping into independence. You get to experience life with no rules… Anyways I happened to be watching an interview that Issa Rae did with The Breakfast Club and the topic of the, “hoe phase” came into play. It’s going to be an issue explored on the series INSECURE, which returns to HBO on Sunday the 23rd (ahahah look at me promoting. I really like the show though). Before she could say the hoe phase usually comes in college I immediately thought to myself college is when I began my sexual exploration. When you think of the hoe-phase the first thing that pops into your head is he/she slept with everyone possible BUT that is not always the case. So what exactly does it mean…?
a phase in your life that occurs frequently when you are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people. these activities do not always end in s-x, but can lead to it.
Before college I didn’t know much about flirting or sex for that matter. In high school you have the girls that started fucking at 13, the ones who remain virgins until they meet someone worth giving it to (which can end up meaning they wait until marriage, it’s possible) and then there was me. The first time I had sex I was 16 and it was nothing like I thought it would be. It hurt like hell and I got rug burn. I’m pretty sure it lasted no longer than 3 minutes lol. I did not have sex again for a year and once I did I ended up getting pregnant. I didn’t keep that baby and then guess what I didn’t think about sex until I got to college. I was so turned off when it came to the sex topic after those experiences. I thought that shit isn’t anything special… Now here’s what happen when you get to college…
You find yourself around a fuck load of guys, which means a lot of different personalities. Some you want to explore and other’s you’re like no fucking way. Unlike the guys in high school the ones in college aren’t afraid to speak to you. Them niggas are damn near on a hunt for fresh meat. I will never forget the first guy who came up to me with the thirst of 100 men and of course it was someone in a frat. I walked into my first house party and immediately he spotted me and began to grind on me against a wall . It was not for me, funny, but I wasn’t with it or him. Since he invited me I laughed it off and he ended up not being such a bad person.
Now the first person I actually hung out with I will always remember. He was an Alpha and we had a class together for like a week before he switched out. He invited me to my first frat party and after that we became really close. I guess you can say this is where the “hoe-phase” started but it never lead to sex just a lot of late night visits to the frat house where we’d lay up, talk, flirt, have a few drinks and watch music videos. He was older and never tried to cross a line. We did kiss once just to see if we actually had a spark and it ended there BUT trust me a few people would catch me walking back to the dorms late night and swore I had something going on aka thought I was out fucking.
Throughout college I did start to learn more about myself when it came to sex and who/what I liked. Here are a few things I learned during my hoe-phase:
- Not all guys in college are trying to fuck.. okay that’s a lie they’ll just put in more work and it they don’t get it from you they’re okay with cuddling because some other poor soul is going to give it up anyway. I had a few cuddle partners. It was just nice being next to someone at night. Spooning was my thing. I’m sure those dudes couldn’t stand me but whatever I can sleep with you and not sleep with you. Least you got to touch.
- Guys will confuse you being nice for flirting and they will try to make a move. Don’t be afraid to turn it down. Some basketball player tried kissing me in the elevator and for the first time in my life I figured out that the head turn is real and not something that happens in movies. He did not speak to me after that night lol.
- The drunk guys you grind on at the parties will assume they are getting some that night.
- Do not tell people that the guy you are spending all your time with is like your brother when it’s clearly chemistry there. I did that and all those late night visits to his apartment were no longer on a friendly note.
- Hitting and quitting is real. I found this guy so attractive until I had sex with him. I got out of there so fast and I wanted nothing to do with him. Literally ignored him every chance I got. Seen him in a party and he started dancing on me and it was like get the fuck away from me with your dumb waste of a penis ass.
- Wild shit you don’t expect happens aka sex on the first night from a singing as nigga with a Koolaid smile. That turned into a summer relationship so don’t believe that all one night stands are a horrible thing. Something good can come from it. I will say he brought out my sexual side for sure. I learned that I could be extremely aggressive in the bedroom, car or where ever the hell we were.
- Don’t feel obligated to suck no dick cause not everyone deserves that shit.
- Just cause you talk to him don’t mean you gotta suck his dick
- He might have ate your pussy but it don’t mean you have to return the favor by sucking and/or fucking. Let him be mad. I’ve definitely told a guy I have to go after. I really didn’t lol. I just knew what I wanted and what I wasn’t about to do.
- Nigerian men are freaks and like mirrors 😉
Hmm I also learned that I might be a little gay. I guess I like the attention females give. They get you more than any guy does. My friends literally always tell me I’m secretly gay but I just love affection. During college I did find that this girl on the basketball team liked me. She wasn’t even all that cute but I liked her company. I ended up having little crush on her especially after she took care of my drunk ass on my birthday. She made me a pallet on the floor but I ended up climbing in her bed. I like to fucking cuddle I cannot help it. I noticed that in college I had a few females I flirted with a lot. Totally would have went full lesbo for awhile if the situation presented itself.
Oh and I know I liked kissing my female friends when I was drunk. No hesitation there. That’s just a few of the things I learned during my single phase of college. Eventually I got in a serious relationship and that wasn’t so sexual, which then made me realize I like sex and not getting it from someone you live with makes you cranky asf and that’s when self exploring comes into play.
When did you go through your “hoe-phase”, if ever? Is there a age limit on the hoe-phase?