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Dating A Friend’s Ex

Remember that silly ass rule that you aren’t allowed to date one of your friend’s exes or someone they liked? It made sense when the person in this case was someone you considered a real friend aka someone you communicate with daily, share secrets/confide in and spend time with each other’s family. Of course in that case it can be considered betrayal depending on how your friend feels about said ex. Your friend may feel disrespected and never want to speak to you if you do decide to cross that line.

I’ve always been a person that believed it’s an excuse to stop another person’s happiness especially if you don’t consider the person a friend. That has been something I’ve noticed a lot these days. The ‘no dating a friend’s ex’ rule does not apply to someone you only know from social media. Just because you like each other’s pictures or leave a comment here and there doesn’t mean a friendship was built. It’s social media and If we’ve never exchanged numbers and attempted to build a friendship outside of cyberspace your feelings don’t mean much to me.

I once started talking to a guy and for a good six months everything was going great until his ex found out I was dating him. For years she’d been following me on socials and from the beginning I wasn’t a big fan of her’s due to a situation with another guy she was dealing with. I never understood how a female that didn’t personally know you not like you that much. The last guy I got into it with her over wasn’t even someone I was dealing with on a relationship level, we were just good friends. Anyways back to the story…. Eventually me and him began having problems once she knew about me and he always would bring up how he felt bad for talking to me because I was friends with his baby mama. It was one of the most annoying things I ever dealt with. I can’t even count the number of times I told him me and her were not friends. I’ve never seen this woman outside of social media and at that I had already got into arguments with her on numerous occasions. That’s a bitch I would never befriend. I just know how to be cordial to people. No point in wasting your energy on people you don’t plan on building a bond with. In this case I’m going to date whoever the hell I want, ex or not. The rule does not apply when it comes to people like you. Another thing if we are associates, you are a friend of a friend, coworker etc. your ex is up for dibs.

Now what happens if you do decide to date a friend’s ex. Are there rules to the game? Is there a certain amount of time you have to wait before making your move?  Well to answer that question, yes there are things you need to do before proceeding. The best bet would be to stay away but let’s admit it, it’s hard to ignore the attraction you have for a person. It’s only normal that you’ve built your own friendship with your friends ex and once they are broken up you want to learn more, especially if your friend is the one who did the dumping. You may assume they won’t care BUT before assuming rule 1 is…..

make sure your friend is comfortable with you dating their ex: take into consideration your friends feelings. He/she broke up with this person for a reason. They may not have had it in their mind that eventually they are going to have to see their ex at every social event. It can be an end to a friendship even if they did say they were okay with you moving forward in your decision.

Ensure your friend is completely over the relationship: just because the relationship ended doesn’t mean feelings died

Consider the length of the relationship: if it was a quick fling; lasted only a few short months chances are they won’t be too upset  but if this was a relationship that lasted for some years you’re going to have to make a choice between your friend or their ex. Unless your friend is happily in a new relationship, about to walk down the aisle and have a kid on the way.

Any gossip or bad talk about your friend should never be the topic of conversation: let them go because clearly they still don’t respect that person and may be using you to get back at your friend

No matter what the situation is the best thing you can do is be honest and prepare yourself for the worst. Sure you may have feelings and your friend’s ex could possibly be your one true love but they may also just be in your life for a short period of time. Are you okay with losing a lifelong friend to see if what you found with their ex is real?

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