Am I The Reason I Have No Friends?

If you know me and I mean truly know me, you’d know I’m not one to have many friends. I may know/know of a lot of people but I’ve never truly been able to call those people MY friends. To be honest you’ll never see me with a big group of people and if you do it’s very likely it’s just my family.
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People may not know this but it’s always bothered me a little that I don’t have a group of girls I can call on when I’m down or want to laugh about absolutely nothing. It bothers me even more when my family laughs and brings up the fact that I don’t have friends. When someone comes around or I do hangout with someone it’s a damn celebration of life to them. BUTWAIT!!!! I’ll take that back. I do have a few girls I can look to when I need to vent, ask for advice or just be silly for no reason but of course my closest friends always live in different states or are just busy doing and figuring out life like I am. I may not see or talk to them much but I know they are people I can call on if needed.

I’ve built bonds with people, I can give myself that, but somehow those bonds always seem to break. It may take a few months maybe even a few years but eventually the friendship slips away before I can realize what went wrong. Once I click with someone I begin to look at that person as not just a friend but as my family. I’m not afraid to show you who the real Sydney is. I will open up about my biggest fears and most embarrassing moments. You will see my goofy side as well as my serious one. I’ll pour my heart out to you and you can do the same with no judgement. So to me it’s sad when those same people disappear and I’m left thinking, “what’s wrong with me?” I’ve had this happen to me plenty of times by people I still love and care for. One minute you’re communicating everyday, laughing, smiling and crying. Then the next minute the conversations slowly starts to fade. They stop responding to your calls and texts. Months start to go by and you wonder how they’re doing so you hit them and still no reply. It’s not like they dropped off the face of Earth. We live in a world where everyone uses social media and no one seems to ever put down their phones so you know they see you reaching out. You pray that they’re ok and maybe they’ll come around. Along with the hurt you feel also comes anger. In the back of your mind all you can think is “WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU?”

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Anyways it got me thinking, am I the reason I don’t have many people I can call a friend? I know I’m sort of introvert. I live in my thoughts. When I am out I have to check out the scene/people around me before I become comfortable but is there more to it? Me being me and loving Google I decided to do my own little research about why I have no friends and then relate it back to myself.

First things first because I love reading into the signs I looked into what my zodiac had to say about me not having any friends:

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

You feel like you don’t have any friends, because you’re too stubborn to make new friends. You want to hold onto history and hang out with the people you hung out with in high school — but people grow up. People change. They might not fit into your life anymore.

You need to be open to the idea of making new friends. Go out for drinks with your coworkers. Plan a double date with your neighbor. Meet new people.

Me being stubborn? Check
Holding onto history? Check
Me being open to the idea of meeting new people?… Yes and no. I’m open to it but I’m terrified of it. I don’t want to go out alone to meet those friends and when it comes to speaking to people I don’t know how to start the conversation. I’m more of the you lead and I’ll follow. It takes a lot of liquid courage for me to just walk up to you and talk. I have thought about the idea of doing a blind/double date but who’s going to set that one up?
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According to Life Hack here are the 11 Reasons I may not have friends. I’ll let you know if I agree or not.
1. You Complain A Lot: “If you’re constantly complaining about your job, lack of money, or unfair life, people won’t care to spend a lot of time with you.”
WRONG I’ve never complained much about my life because no one wants to hear that all the time. I don’t even want to hear myself. Although right now I am complaining  🙂
2. You Ditch Your Friend When In a Relationship
WRONG my last relationship my friends would go out with us. He was the one to encourage me to go out with the girls. Now with my baby daddy I did lose a friend, which I’m getting back on track with but I think that’s because we were both going through life problems. Instead of getting through together we went separate ways.
Okay! I’m going to avoid the rest of the reasons that don’t relate to me and get to the ones that do. You can read up on the others yourself.

8. You Expect Too Much From Friends

If you expect your friends to always be available or always meet your needs, you’ll be disappointed. Your friends will hurt your feelings sometimes and will likely disappoint you from time to time. But that doesn’t meant they aren’t good people or that you shouldn’t remain friends with them. Practice forgiveness when your feelings get hurt.

Guilty as charged. I do expect a lot from my friends. I expect them to reach out to me just as much as I reach out to them. If I don’t hear from them I say fuck it. In the past I didn’t do well when it came to my feelings being hurt or  being disappointed. It made it easy for me to cut off those close to me. When I had my son I expected people to be their for me like they said they would so in my eyes it was a betrayal when they weren’t. It was easy for me to forget them instead of forgive. BUT my main issue is:

11. You Don’t Get Out Enough

Of course, there is also a good chance that not having friends isn’t related to a specific character flaw. Instead, it might just be because you haven’t had the opportunity to meet people whose company you enjoy.

I use having a kid and not having friends as a reason to not leave the house, which is ultimately stopping me from ever making new friends as well as new memories. I’ll forever be stuck living in the past if I don’t grow some balls. I think I may have gotten use to having boyfriends all the time. They were my best friends and I just hung out with their friends. Now that I’ve been single for so long it’s like damn bitch where’s your squad. Being single is supposed to be the best time of my life. I’m supposed to be out with a group of women enjoying life, being classy and ratchet.

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8 responses to “Am I The Reason I Have No Friends?”

  1. This is such a relatable post! Like you, I have a couple of close friends but they mostly live away from me.
    I have always struggled to keep friendships. I am an introvert, but talking to people and having a friendship has been easy for me. Actually keep a friendship longer than a few months is what’s tough.
    I do expect a lot from my friends as well. But in exchange, I am always there for them. Unfortunately, they do not make as much effort as me and again like you said – I walk away.
    I would love to have a group to go to brunch with. I think I stay in a bubble sometimes and do not get myself out there enough to meet new people. I hope you can soon find more people to connect with. 🙂

  2. This is an eue opener for some and a slap in tje face for a few. I enjoy reading your transparency. I really look forward to the BOOK. hint hint 😉

  3. What an interesting post! Friendship, for me, exists at various levels: friends I greet and share info, friends I laugh with, share a few jokes, friends I talk to for long lengths of time, friends with whom I get drunk and will tell just about anything. After 37 years teaching and being an administrator at the same university, I now, right now, can count three friends from that place. The rest…well, I just moved on. The true friends…you hang on to somehow or the other.

    I just visited one of the three friends I just mentioned. He lives up in Indiana. I haven’t seen this guy in six years. The other great friend, an older black woman who lives in Mississippi, I saw last year. And the third, a married couple in Vicksburg, Mississippi who have stuck with me over the years. I see these people when I can, we talk on the phone quite a bit and that’s it. None of them are close by.

    Whenever I get with these people I am who I am. No bull shit, no games, no role modeling. I’m totally and unconditionally comfortable. I do as much for them as I know they’ll do for me.

    On the imbalanced relationships? You are so right–they suck. I used to be the one who would DO ANYTHING to maintain a friendship. I finally caught on to that one. I’m a Sagittarius. We’re totally gregarious. I love being with people, but there’s always that line, right? I find now after being laughed at, being used, being made a fool of, being misunderstood, hell, being alone is wonderful.

    I find that being my own friend, my own best friend, is in fact the best way. With a few true friends out there–it’s all I need.

    Great post! Thank you for sharing.

  4. It’s like you opened my mind and had a good look inside. I got this problem too. My sister is always pointing out that I don’t have a life because I don’t go out. And I on the other hand, am always quick to blame it on the lack of friends in this town as my friends live miles and miles away from me.
    Well, I have made up my mind to make one true friend this week.

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