There’s always that family friend or family member that likes to point out how you never have a significant other or never allow people to get close to you. It can become annoying when you have gatherings and before you even get there you know the questions you’re going to get involve your dating life, the one you may not have. I know for a fact I don’t have a dating life, even though at times I want to experience what it’s like I’m quick to avoid the entire situation.
I hate saying it but men really are the main reason I say no to dates. I’m sure there are a lot of good ones out there but I tend to do all I can to avoid any man due to the ones I’ve dealt with in the past. Going through months of getting to know a person only to find out they are nothing like the person they portrayed to be is a complete turn off. It’s so much that makes you say to yourself, “Maybe being alone won’t be so bad after all.” I’d rather be lonely than be drained of all my energy by a person that doesn’t want the best for me. Anyway before I start ranting let me list the rest of my reasons as to why I do not date.
1. I’m Terrified
And when I say I’m terrified I mean that in every way. I’m terrified that I’ll meet someone who appears to be my knight in shining armor but instead ends up being the devil, a person that comes in and minds fuck me into believing he’s all I need. Those are the kind of men that come along and make you forget your value by mentally abusing you and once you get to a point where they can’t fuck up your head they begin to physically hurt you just because putting fear into you makes them feel like the bigger man. I’m terrified of coming across a guy who doesn’t know how to deal with the word no and believes just because he was able to get me to go on a date he can get whatever else he wants out of me. I guess just from hearing horror stories and witnessing certain things, men tend to scare me more than they make me feel safe and comfortable.
2. In My Feelings
What I mean by in my feelings is… I meet someone who I’m really into and then I become paranoid. What if the way he’s making me feel doesn’t add up to his emotions? It’s a chance I can be so deeply into this person and thinking things are going great when really he doesn’t feel the same. It’s nothing worse than getting friend zoned by the one person you’re falling for. Once that shit happens it takes me back to the main reason I don’t date, because fucking men. They are like the kings of leading you on and making you think you’re going exclusive then next thing you know they’re telling you to get the fuck up out your feelings.
3. I’m Not Ready
LASTLY, maybe the reason I don’t date is really because of ME. It’s possible I’m not ready to open myself up to potentially finding a genuine kind of love because that also means I’m leaving myself open to potentially be broken again. It’s like I haven’t completely healed from all the hurt I’ve been through so when I think I’ve found someone and it leads to me being hurt once more, there goes more and more time I have to put into getting myself back on track to the positive place in my life I was so close to making it to.
I also don’t want me dating to lead to me getting distracted from all the plans I had and goals I had set for myself. I tend to put my all into others and forget about me. I’m not ready to let me go and everyone I come across seems to want me to forget about who I am as a person and focus on bettering them instead of me.
Maybe once I feel like I’ve completely healed mentally, dating won’t seem so got damn tricky/scary. Until then it’s like I just want to do me and If someone happens to come around I want it to be someone who wants to grow with me and not waste time trying to destroy me. Since when did dating/love get so difficult? Was it ever even easy.