Sometimes I look around and I wonder if I’ve ever truly been in love… There are times I feel so disconnected when it comes to my emotions for the opposite sex but I’m sure others wonder, how can that be?

I wonder the same myself. How is it that I can constantly write about love but feel like I’ve never been in it? As I look through my writing I realize that every poem, quote and short story I have that talks about love never ends with a happily ever after. It’s more about love lost or a new “love” coming into the picture after heartbreak and betrayals or… It could be that I’m addicted to the idea of love and that’s why ever little spark I’ve felt with someone I’ve just ran with it without really putting myself into what love truly was. Thinking that maybe if I continued to write about it that those fairytale endings that I dream so much about would magically appear on the paper and manifest into my life.

I once had someone tell me that’s it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. I always called bullshit. How can you possibly be in love with more than one person at the same time? You can’t right? You can’t possibly put your all into loving more than one person in a romantic way. Sure you love people but being in love is just something completely different. Then again how will I ever truly know when I’m starting to think I’ve never been in love? Oh and first loves just don’t count these days.

There are 7 types of love, many of which we’ve all experienced. These are based off of classical readings.

1. Eros: sexual or passionate love – this is one type of love I’ve become so accustomed to once becoming sexual active. A sense of being in love suddenly comes over you but as you get to know the person you start to realize this is what most call lust. We become blinded by it.
2. Philia: Friendship, “Friendships founded on goodness are associated not only with mutual benefit but also with companionship, dependability and trust” -@psychologytoday.com / I find that even it this field I’m lacking true friendship though I have friends that I can count on one hand that fall into this category but i’ve lost many due to the lack of trust and dependability. It makes me steer clear of making new ones.
3. Storge: The love between parents and their children  – It will also be a love that I cannot explain yet I am so damn grateful and blessed to be able to experience it everyday.
4. Agape: Universal love, “such as love for strangers, nature and god.”
5. Ludus: Playful or uncommitted love – I’ve been through this phase as well. Flirting, teasing, no strings attached. Many of us go through it but many of us also have to end it because the other party doesn’t always want to be in it just for the fun but they want a committment, to be in it for the long run.
6. Pragma: “A kind of practical love founded on reason or duty and one’s longer term interest.” – This is what I’m looking for and believe I have yet to be in or find. Someone I can be a friend with, love unconditional, not jump into the sexual aspect with but instead share the same interest in our goals and want to work on making things work. Someone I can spend the rest of my life with and build a family.
7. Philautia: Self- love, which is something I’m constantly working on because at times I feel like it comes and goes.

All the love in the world I wonder if I will get the one that I’ve been missing…