Whenever I’m asked if I want more kids my first reaction is no and then of course the hypothetical questions start coming. What if your partner wants a kid? What if it happened on accident? Well to answer those questions, when I do begin to date and find someone that I may see a future with I’m going to let him know right away I no longer see kids in my future. As far as the accidents happening, I’m taking all forms of safety to prevent that, which includes birth control and no I don’t want to hear anyone’s opinions about how it’s bad for a woman’s body because it’s treating me just fine.
With the birth of my first niece, I some what took on the role of a mom to her. I was the first person she seen when she was born and with us living in the same home we’ve been inseparable since the day she was born. As much as I love her, between her and my own child I feel like my stress is doubled especially since she’s no longer a sweet little baby lol. She and my son fight like cats and dogs and it always reminds me of how much I love when it’s just him by himself. There’s less mess, less noise and way less of me losing my voice. It just reassures me that I never want to give life to another human again but it makes me wonder if that makes me a bad person.
I know there’s women out in the world who suffer from multiple miscarriages and others that will never be able to have a child on their own yet my eggs are healthy and I can create a child without issue and still I do not want to. I’ve experienced the beauty of giving birth and I receive the best love & affection from the son I have. I look at him and I don’t think I could do any better because he is perfect to me and is all I need. I sometimes wonder if I brought another child into this world would I be able to love him or her just the same. Do I really have enough love and patience to give to another? Many will say yes but there’s a part of me that doesn’t believe I can nor do I want to.
With my son I didn’t experience postpartum, or at least I don’t think I did. I was a tab bit scared when I first brought him home but I eventually got into the swing of things. I’m still learning as he is growing and with everyday that passes there’s a new challenge I’m faced with. Right now that challenge is helping my son get through his homework and he is only in Kindergarten. I still have a lot of years left of that and I don’t want to have to go through that cycle a second time. It may seem like something minor to some, you know nothing that will lead someone to not wanting more kids but that’s exactly where I stand.
When my son and niece get together I find myself wanting to grab a drink just to deal with the stress and feeling like I’m the only one trying to get them under control. A drink cannot always be my answer, the one thing that’s going to stop me from losing my mind but it’s the first thing I want when all I hear and see around me is chaos. I feel like a bad person, when I yell for them to go in there room but sometimes I just want my space, a moment of silence, a timeout from being a mom.
The crazy thing about me not wanting more kids is I feel like those that don’t want a second child are those that don’t actually like kids or regret having them. I’m neither of those people. I always get asked the question do I regret breaking up with my ex (they guy I was with before I got with my baby daddy) and my answer is always no because I wouldn’t have the amazing child I have and I def can’t imagine a life without my baby boy. I always used to say I wanted 3 kids, all boys but now that I have my one all I want is him. I do not care to create two more but is that going to be fair to the person I eventually end up with? Will he look at me like I’m a bad person even though he said he was okay with me not wanting kids? What if the person I get with said he was okay with us not having children and then he changes his mind? Will I have to then let go of a person I love because I was serious when I said no more kids for me? Will that also turn me into this horrible woman for not giving my husband what he so desperately wants?
I look at children and no matter how precious they are I don’t feel the way I used to. I don’t get that, I want to have another baby feeling like I used to. Is it something wrong with me? or is it normal to only want one child?