They say breakups are hard but I say breaking up with a friend is way worse. Getting over a guy or girl is easy, especially when you have your best friend by your side to vent to and keep you feeling like you’re dope as hell and anyone would be a fool to let you go. You laugh with them, cry with them, fight with them, but at the end of it all you know you have someone that is always down to ride. So what happens when that friendship starts to fade and you no longer find comfort in that person?
Losing a friend is painful because it’s something you never really see coming; a storm that literally comes out of nowhere. One minute everything is beautiful and there are no signs of a disaster waiting to happen. You go from spending almost every day talking to each other and planning outings, to a phone call every other month. It’s clear that things are changing but no one every really expresses what they’re truly feeling or the reason for the distance.
I get it, it’s normal for some friends not to speak or see each other all the time. We all have lives outside of our friends. We work, take care of someone, dealing with depression and more. With that said sometimes you have to disconnect from everyone for a while.
My closest friend doesn’t even live in the same city as me (sometimes not even in the same state) and she hasn’t for a long time, but when she comes in town we see each other. When I need to get away I know I always have a place to go. When we need to vent about life or share good news there’s no doubt in my mind that she’s who I’m calling on. We don’t talk everyday or see each other but despite that there’s no tension between us or underlining issues that neither of us know about. This isn’t the case for every friendship though.
I’ve had a few breakup with people I considered to be my best friend. One guy that I talked about before on here and then there was a woman that I ended up getting really close to and for about 3 years we were pretty inseparable until we got to the point where we wanted to rip each other to pieces and we completely stopped speaking. That friendship ended all due to lack of communication with one another and things were said that couldn’t be taken back. The other part that sucked was our kids could no longer go to each other’s birthday parties and whenever my son asked about her daughter I had to act like she was just too busy to hang out. Now I can’t lie and say I was happy that friendship ended because I thought I genuinely created a bond with someone that would last. Plus, we had hell of a good time together, but we all have to learn when it’s time to just cut ties.
So that brings me to the question, how do you cope with breaking up with a friend? do you just say fuck it and move on or do you go through some 12 step program lol. I usually just try to act like they don’t exist but that hasn’t worked so well for me because now it’s somewhat turned me into a heartless person who never wants to give another human-being the chance to get close to me.
For anyone that has been like me and avoided dealing with losing a friend for whatever reason, here are some ways to cope:
- Allow yourself to feel hurt, angry and sad.
- If there was never any closure, leave it be.
- Don’t overthink. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out where things went left.
- Find someone to talk to: a family member, another friend or even a therapist.
- Accept that you may never be friends again
- Have self-care days
- Don’t be closed off to meeting new friends, but don’t force it.
- Lastly, remember that not all friendships are meant to last and that is okay.