“There is no weapon in the feminine armory to which men are so vulnerable as they are to a smile”. – Dorothy Dix
Last night I went somewhat on a rant after seeing the most unexpected message to come to my phone that whole entire day. I had no clue what I was looking at and I was confused as to why I was being scolded for not being into a guy the way he thought I was? The old me would have looked at the texts that were accusing me of being this manipulative, liar who agreed to go on a date (that I didn’t agree to) and pretended not to know who this guy was when I seen him and I would have immediately cussed out this guy but instead I kept my cool for the simple fact that the whole situation was petty and we have a mutual friend.
Let me give you a little background on how we got to this place:
I know by now most of us have seen the video posted by PrinceTattedd with the girl Ashley, who sat next to him for waaaayyyyy too long listening to his bullshit about how he doesn’t want a title. If you haven’t seen it you can watch it below before I get into my spill.
Now the video I watched on Facebook was 7 mins but this shit is a 16 min video and I’m over him and I’m also over her for sitting there for so long. BTW it’s also another video and this nigga has keys to her place. Her dad also told her this fool got her looking dumb so he’s mad at her as he should be. The moment he told her he could fuck around with other women but if she did the same he would cut, she needed to get up and walk the hell away BUT looking at her face she already had her mind made up on where her feelings would be staying and that is with him. She has become attached to this man and has already built a bond with the person his YouTube fans do not get to see.
We can call her stupid and we can also say he ain’t shit but trust and believe we’ve all been in this situation, some of us more than once. Now I respect him for finally saying something to her but he should have been straight forward from the start that way she wouldn’t have went into the situation thinking they were working towards a relationship. Now I’m not saying he needed to put a title on what they are because titles aren’t really necessary but an understanding is needed. What I mean by this is going into the situation it should have been made clear that:
So who has watched the spinoff of Black-ish, Grown-ish with Yara Shahidi? If you haven’t it plays on Freeform aka ABC Family and you might want to stop reading the rest of this if you do not like spoilers.
Anyways in S01 E03 – If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late Zoey has been hooking up, in her case “hooking up” is strictly kissing, with her sophomore crush but after her 4th late night “U UP?” text she consults her friends for some advice before responding back. Pretty much they let her know that it’s hoe hours and there is nothing romantic about a “U Up?” text. With that said Zoey goes on to make a power move by ignoring his text and acting all nonchalant when she see’s her crush the next day in class but turns out she isn’t the only girl he’s been hooking up with. Either way once she see’s this she back to her dorm room and sends him a text. She see’s those three dots and then nothing. He’s decided not to text back and it sent poor Zoey into a texting spree, which finally came to an end when he crush wrote back, “Please stop,” and that’s where my story begins…
Ladies ladies ladies… I know that sometimes we are so desperate to meet “the one” that we mind fuck ourselves into thinking any guy that comes into our lives with a few nice gestures is the one. First off ladies, most men are doing one of the two:
Being gentleman enough to the point he gets you to say yes to giving him your number so he can take you out
Being gentleman enough to get you out in order to eventually get you into bed.
The first motive is usually a good one. He wants to take you out, meaning he wants to get to know you more. It doesn’t have to be right away of course but eventually that is the goal. He’ll spend time getting to know you, hopefully via voice calls and not text. I find that you get to really know a person by talking on the phone. Text tends to get misread and assumptions are made. Now once he feels like you’re comfortable enough the two of you may finally plan that date night. Onto the second motive: he’s only being gentleman like because he wants to have sex with you. It’s the sad truth. Guys will only be nice enough to get you in bed and then they let their true colors fly. Now this can happen in a short amount of time or he’s the guy that doesn’t mind the long ride. Once you do give it up you’re stuck wondering why he’s no longer the guy you first met.
Here I go again going onto a whole new subject. Just like a woman to get sidetracked with the million other thoughts going on in my head. So back to it; thinking he’s the one isn’t going to make him the one. To be honest it’s really not up to us to decide if he’s the one. Sure there are signs that can let us know if he may or may not be the one but as women we have to remember that if he doesn’t feel the same way about you it’s not on you to say, “but you’re the one for me.” Sorry sweetie but it doesn’t work that way, it takes two.
“A relationship built solely on sex is hardly a relationship at all…”
I’m not an expert when it comes to getting and keeping a relationship, as my ass has been single for what seems like forever, but I have had a share of my own relationships, some of which were based solely on sex. Can I even call this a relationship at all? Do these kind of relationships last once you remove the sex? I’m stuck between yes and no but I’m definitely leaning towards, “FUCK NO that shit doesn’t work out.”
I can remember getting into two different relationships (different times of course) and thinking back I can’t think of anything I had in common with either of these guys besides the fact that we enjoyed fucking each other, oh and they made me laugh. Gotta be able to make me laugh or we won’t be getting anywhere what so ever and YES, I said fucking. You can’t make love when you haven’t learned enough about each other outside of the bedroom to actually fall in love. Seriously, these relationships were, “hey how are you, lets eat (some days), okay now let’s get it on wherever we can” kind of thing going on. I was still pretty young at the time so during those time periods it didn’t hit me that I was in a sexship, as my friend called it. I figured because we had made it clear we were together and that we couldn’t stay away from each other that we were in a real relationship. It took me getting into a serious ass, “we living” together relationship to realize it’s so much more to being with someone.
To me kissing is one of the most intimate acts shared between two people. To be honest I find it more intimate than the act of having sex. This may not be the case for everyone but a person can have sex with you and never once will you two share a kiss and I say it’s because they aren’t as into as you may have thought. They simply had a goal of getting you in bed and it was accomplished but that’s not what we are talking about today. For two people to lock lips there had to have been some kind of chemistry there and if not chemistry definitely curiosity. I’m guilty of kissing a guy out of curiosity and then wishing I hadn’t after. It just confirmed what I had already known, I just wasn’t that into you outside of the friend zone.
Remember that silly ass rule that you aren’t allowed to date one of your friend’s exes or someone they liked? It made sense when the person in this case was someone you considered a real friend aka someone you communicate with daily, share secrets/confide in and spend time with each other’s family. Of course in that case it can be considered betrayal depending on how your friend feels about said ex. Your friend may feel disrespected and never want to speak to you if you do decide to cross that line.
I’ve always been a person that believed it’s an excuse to stop another person’s happiness especially if you don’t consider the person a friend. That has been something I’ve noticed a lot these days. The ‘no dating a friend’s ex’ rule does not apply to someone you only know from social media. Just because you like each other’s pictures or leave a comment here and there doesn’t mean a friendship was built. It’s social media and If we’ve never exchanged numbers and attempted to build a friendship outside of cyberspace your feelings don’t mean much to me.