There’s always that family friend or family member that likes to point out how you never have a significant other or never allow people to get close to you. It can become annoying when you have gatherings and before you even get there you know the questions you’re going to get involve your dating life, the one you may not have. I know for a fact I don’t have a dating life, even though at times I want to experience what it’s like I’m quick to avoid the entire situation.
I hate saying it but men really are the main reason I say no to dates. I’m sure there are a lot of good ones out there but I tend to do all I can to avoid any man due to the ones I’ve dealt with in the past. Going through months of getting to know a person only to find out they are nothing like the person they portrayed to be is a complete turn off. It’s so much that makes you say to yourself, “Maybe being alone won’t be so bad after all.” I’d rather be lonely than be drained of all my energy by a person that doesn’t want the best for me. Anyway before I start ranting let me list the rest of my reasons as to why I do not date.
Remember that silly ass rule that you aren’t allowed to date one of your friend’s exes or someone they liked? It made sense when the person in this case was someone you considered a real friend aka someone you communicate with daily, share secrets/confide in and spend time with each other’s family. Of course in that case it can be considered betrayal depending on how your friend feels about said ex. Your friend may feel disrespected and never want to speak to you if you do decide to cross that line.
I’ve always been a person that believed it’s an excuse to stop another person’s happiness especially if you don’t consider the person a friend. That has been something I’ve noticed a lot these days. The ‘no dating a friend’s ex’ rule does not apply to someone you only know from social media. Just because you like each other’s pictures or leave a comment here and there doesn’t mean a friendship was built. It’s social media and If we’ve never exchanged numbers and attempted to build a friendship outside of cyberspace your feelings don’t mean much to me.
Love has been everything to me growing up. I’ve always been in love with love. It has been something I’ve always wanted and believed I would have by 27, which I’ll be in May, and married with more kids by 30. When I think of love I always had this fairytale picture painted in my head and it has not been what I thought it would be.
The love I’ve had in my life has been somewhat a dysfunctional kind. You know the love that you start off thinking is going to be forever but then true colors start to show. In fact it’s not love at all, it’s lust and that’s why in the beginning everything seems to be picture perfect. Suddenly the love you thought you had begins to mistreat you, use you, manipulate you, disrespect you and slowly break you down. It’s nothing like what you’ve imagined it to be. It’s not as beautiful as you thought it would be but instead it was painful and took awhile to pick up the pieces that were shattered and go on with life. I came across a few people I thought had the potential to love until they also betrayed me in ways they said they wouldn’t. Yet I still believed there was a love out there made for me and only me.
Su & Tray are back again speaking some real shit. Going into this podcast, “The First Date,” I was expecting that to be the starting conversation but child let me tell you, they brought up having a degree and finding work. That’s what really caught my attention. When it comes to looking for work your degree does not guarantee you’ll get the job you want. I went to school for journalism and child development and have yet to find a job in those fields.
When I finished college I was pregnant and working at Nike. Once I went on leave I told myself I could not go back to retail and I didn’t. My plan was to go back to work in 6 months and I felt like it wasn’t going to happen for me because I couldn’t find a job. Well, the Lord blessed me because a recruiter found my resume (a super old one) and I ended up with a job with 2 weeks of that call. I’ve been at this job for almost 2 years now and I started out making more than I’ve ever made working retail. I am getting to a point where I want to move on to a new company and one closer to home and I’m finding it to be extremely difficult. Working in the entertainment/movie field gave me an idea of what I wanted to do and I ended up getting an interview ( actually 4 interviews) with Netflix only to be told I did not get the position. It definitely discouraged me. I also find myself looking at positions telling myself nope don’t want to do this, don’t want to do that. I’ve turned down interviews and positions because I felt I could have found better but little do I know I could have grown in those positions. I believe a lot of people can relate to the struggles of finding work and having a degree, so thank you Su & Tray for sharing your stories.
Maybe it was twice. Hell, it could have been three or four times. Who really knows? What I do know is I thought I’d be giving up on guys and welcoming the embrace of a woman for life. Okay maybe not for life because I want the husband and all, but for however long our relationship lasted.
I never grew up being freaked out by girls liking one another or fearing a female hitting on me because I was already used to being around the LGBT community. My older sister is a proud lesbian and was recently married to the love of her life. Let me tell you I thought I’d never see the day. I remember when gay marriage was legalized she wasn’t super hyped about it because she said she wasn’t getting married. Look at her now; Mrs. Lewis and shit. It’s beautiful as fuck. Okay anyways I’m getting sidetracked. Like I was saying I was used to the LGBT community. There was never a moment I felt uncomfortable. When my sister came out it was a shock to my parents and they did not take it well but because of the love they have for my sister they learned to accept it. For me, it wasn’t a surprise at all. I feel like I already knew she liked females and it was confirmed once she started bringing her girlfriends around, most of which I loved.
Funny thing is I’ve never claimed to love being single. I love that I’ve gotten to know myself more. I love that I’ve looked back on past relationships/situationships and learned my true worth. Learned that I’m not going to tolerate disrespect just to say I have someone that’s “MINE.” I love that I’ve become a stronger woman while being single. BUT I’ve never claimed to love the single life. I still believe in soulmates and spending a lifetime with my lover/bestfriend. Love is beautiful when you find it. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it when it’s right. 🖤🦋 #thoughtsbeforegoodnights
So besides using WordPress I like to randomly go onto Tumblr sometimes and what do you know I seen I had a message from someone,
What does it mean when your boyfriend gets so easily irritated with you and when you guys fight he ignores you for days and for you 2 to start even speaking again I have to speak first and apologize but makes it seem like she’s the victim all the time and has an excuse for everything.
Now I’m no expert when it comes to relationships and I can only give you advice based on what I’ve gone through in my own relationships. This is what I had to say,
Sorry for the late response but trust me I know the he’s the victim and you’re the villain role so well. I can’t tell you exactly what it means but what I can tell you is you shouldn’t always have to be the one to say sorry especially depending on the situation. If he is getting irritated at the simplest of things like you breathing or just being around his a jerk and is trying to find every reason in the book to be mad at you hoping you’ll eventually break up with him. I only say this from experience because when I got comfortable with not speaking to my boyfriend and everything he did annoyed me I knew it was over. I just didn’t want to be the one to say it.
Next time you two get in a fight and you know you did nothing wrong don’t be so quick to apologize let him miss you for once. If he goes on without speaking to you or doesn’t feel the need to apologize it’s just not going to work. A relationship is built on two people. Not one.
Hope this helped a little.
What advice would you give to a friend or family member in this kind of situation?