Does Not Wanting More Kids Make Me A Horrible Woman?

Whenever I’m asked if I want more kids my first reaction is no and then of course the hypothetical questions start coming. What if your partner wants a kid? What if it happened on accident? Well to answer those questions, when I do begin to date and find someone that I may see a future with I’m going to let him know right away I no longer see kids in my future. As far as the accidents happening, I’m taking all forms of safety to prevent that, which includes birth control and no I don’t want to hear anyone’s opinions about how it’s bad for a woman’s body because it’s treating me just fine.

With the birth of my first niece, I some what took on the role of a mom to her. I was the first person she seen when she was born and with us living in the same home we’ve been inseparable since the day she was born. As much as I love her, between her and my own child I feel like my stress is doubled especially since she’s no longer a sweet little baby lol. She and my son fight like cats and dogs and it always reminds me of how much I love when it’s just him by himself. There’s less mess, less noise and way less of me losing my voice. It just reassures me that I never want to give life to another human again but it makes me wonder if that makes me a bad person.

I know there’s women out in the world who suffer from multiple miscarriages and others that will never be able to have a child on their own yet my eggs are healthy and I can create a child without issue and still I do not want to. I’ve experienced the beauty of giving birth and I receive the best love & affection from the son I have. I look at him and I don’t think I could do any better because he is perfect to me and is all I need. I sometimes wonder if I brought another child into this world would I be able to love him or her just the same. Do I really have enough love and patience to give to another? Many will say yes but there’s a part of me that doesn’t believe I can nor do I want to.

With my son I didn’t experience postpartum, or at least I don’t think I did. I was a tab bit scared when I first brought him home but I eventually got into the swing of things. I’m still learning as he is growing and with everyday that passes there’s a new challenge I’m faced with. Right now that challenge is helping my son get through his homework and he is only in Kindergarten. I still have a lot of years left of that and I don’t want to have to go through that cycle a second time. It may seem like something minor to some, you know nothing that will lead someone to not wanting more kids but that’s exactly where I stand.

When my son and niece get together I find myself wanting to grab a drink just to deal with the stress and feeling like I’m the only one trying to get them under control. A drink cannot always be my answer, the one thing that’s going to stop me from losing my mind but it’s the first thing I want when all I hear and see around me is chaos. I feel like a bad person, when I yell for them to go in there room but sometimes I just want my space, a moment of silence, a timeout from being a mom.

The crazy thing about me not wanting more kids is I feel like those that don’t want a second child are those that don’t actually like kids or regret having them. I’m neither of those people. I always get asked the question do I regret breaking up with my ex (they guy I was with before I got with my baby daddy) and my answer is always no because I wouldn’t have the amazing child I have and I def can’t imagine a life without my baby boy. I always used to say I wanted 3 kids, all boys but now that I have my one all I want is him. I do not care to create two more but is that going to be fair to the person I eventually end up with? Will he look at me like I’m a bad person even though he said he was okay with me not wanting kids? What if the person I get with said he was okay with us not having children and then he changes his mind? Will I have to then let go of a person I love because I was serious when I said no more kids for me? Will that also turn me into this horrible woman for not giving my husband what he so desperately wants?

I look at children and no matter how precious they are I don’t feel the way I used to. I don’t get that, I want to have another baby feeling like I used to. Is it something wrong with me? or is it normal to only want one child?

How To Help Your Child Deal w/ Bullying

My son will be starting Kindergarten August 15th. For 4 years he’s been at a in-home childcare, which has turned into his family. I’ve never had to worry about anything happening to him or other children treating him badly but with him transitioning into a private school with more children around I’m getting nervous. There are so many stories out there about kids basically torturing and in some cases even killing other children because they want to be bullies and not keep their hands to themselves.

I hope and pray that bullying isn’t something my son has to deal with and I also pray he isn’t the one doing the bullying. As a child it’s something I never really had to deal with. I’d get teased about my weight here and there but nothing that bothered me too much. Though words didn’t bother me much not all kids are the same and although my son is only five I want to be prepared if he ever comes home and tells me there are kids treating him badly.

The main thing I teach him now is treat others how you want to be treated, and that includes his elders. It’s important that he knows he cannot be mean to people and expect to be rewarded with the kindness from those he mistreats. I know not all kids are raised this way but with me instilling this in his mind I hope that he keeps a kind heart in this cruel world, which brings me to one of the steps of preventing bullying:

1. RESPECT

The more we teach our children about respect the sooner we are preventing bullying. Watch your words and if you don’t think they are going to be nice or will hurt someones feelings do not say them.

2. SAY STOP

If you are being bullied, stand your ground. Tell the bully to stop and if they do not, before things escalate go find a trusted adult to let them know what is going on. Now, I’m not one for violence but I also believe in defending yourself so if walking away doesn’t work and a kid decides to hit my child after he as told him to stop I’ve let him know to hit back and I’ll deal with the aftermath. Sometimes standing up for yourself is the only way a bully will get the hint. BUT AGAIN, WALKING AWAY IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN VIOLENCE

3. REASSURE

Many times children will believe it’s their own fault for being bullied due to how they may look or dress. Reassure your kid(s) that there is nothing wrong with being different. God created us in all different shapes and sizes. It’s okay to stand out from the crowd and the bully just might really want to be your friend but doesn’t know how to express it in a polite way.

Also reassure your child that they can talk to you and that this happens to a lot of kids. Some kids are too scared to tell because of what could happen but let your children know we can get through it together.

4. BUDDY SYSTEM

Try to avoid the bully altogether by hanging out with your friends. It’s less likely that a child will be bullied when they have a friend around and a teacher near by.

Now, these are just a few suggestions and I really hope this is something my son never has to deal with but you never know.

Do you have a child that has been bullied or did you go through it as a child?

What did you tell your child?

How did your parents help you deal with it?

It’s My Room Too!

Hello Everyone! It’s time I give you a mommy blog post. Becoming a mom has been the biggest blessing ever. I’ve wanted to be a mom since I can remember and by time I was 15-years-old I knew I wanted to have nothing but boys. The way my son drives me crazy you’d think I wouldn’t want anymore boys but If I happen to meet my soulmate before I reach my cut off limit for kids, 35,  and get pregnant I pray it’s another boy. They may drive you into the ground and give you gray hair before your time but man their love is unconditional and sweet as ever.

Speaking of how crazy energized boys can be I wanted to share my experience of having to share a room with my son. Share a room, I’m sure you thinking. How right? Well people, I live at home with my mom, niece, sister and granny, so the space is limited until the day I finally leave the nest. You’d think my son was sharing a room with me but this is definitely his room and I’m just in it.

Here’s a few things I’ve learned about having to share a room with your toddler:

1. Things will be broken

The TV I once had, GONE! Broken when my sister was supposed to be watching him. I go outside to record a podcast and come back to my TV on the floor. He said sorry and asked if I fixed it. No son I did not. I thought about replacing it but decided against. Now when I want to watch something I use my laptop. He also broke a few of my necklaces and the glass cover to my oil diffuser.

2. My Bed Isn’t Mine

This room is pretty big, big enough to fit his bed in here yet he refuses to get out of mine. On top of him sleeping in my bed, he gives me zero space. Somehow I’m always at the edge of the bed fighting for space and for him to let my hand go and to move over. He even try’s to take my side now.

3. The Noise Doesn’t End

I find myself with headphones on trying to drown out the sound of toys crashing to the ground, laughing and screaming.

4. There’s No Such Thing As Clean

No matter how many times you manage to pick up toys, put away shoes and make up the bed, the minute you turn around it will look like your room was hit by a tornado. I’m lucky if things stay clean longer than a day and I haven’t almost broke my ankle on a toy car.

5. No Privacy

Everything I do he wants to have front row. I’ve had to learn to remember to lock my door after showering because he will burst in like the police. But if I were to do that to him he’d be complaining about the privacy he needs.

One day I’m sure he’ll be trying to kick me out of his space so though I can feel crowded I’m accepting all the love and annoyance. I’m sure if we had our own place he would still find time to do all the above.

One and… DONE

A lot of people think I’m crazy when I say I only need one kid and I just cannot understand why. Like I literally had a woman tell me to not let a man dictate the number of kids I have and if I want them to just have them. I’m sorry but it’s not happening. Sure, I may have wanted more at one point in my life but spend a hour or two watching Teen Mom, you’ll want a Hysterectomy so fast.  Just take the whole fucking uterus because I refuse to have 3-4 baby daddies and my child running around with a million and one (yes, I’m dramatic) half siblings.

One and… DONE

Kindergarten, Who Knew it Would Freak Me Out…

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When you become a parent, you know your beautiful newborn baby will eventually grow older, but with every day that passes and every birthday you celebrate you still believe they’ll never get older. In your eyes they are still your baby. Well, my baby will be 5-years-old this June and you know what that means, KINDERGARTEN.

I never imagined the day I’d have to send him to daycare and I had no clue how soon kindergarten would come rolling around the corner. Yesterday I went to tour a school and as much as I liked it, my heart-felt like it was being squeezed by the hulk. For almost 4 years he’s been in the care of the same people and had the same friends. It’s come to be his second home and they taught him well. I’m not sure how he is going to feel about leaving them, as they treat him like their own. I’m sure we’ll still visit since my niece will still be attending but it’s going to be different.

Kindergarten, Who Knew it Would Freak Me Out…