The Single Mom Diaries….

Dear Readers,

Is it wrong that I’m starting to not care that my son’s dad isn’t very active in his life physically and financial?

This is something I’ve been going back and forth with myself about. Yes, I was always the girl who dreamed of living a fairytale life with the husband, the kid, the house with the nice big backyard and a dog. Instead what I got was a bootleg version of the movie Baby Boy but this story don’t seem to have a happy ending. All I can think to myself is thank you for the blessing but we’re better off without you. Am I wrong?

Love definitely had me blinded, had me thinking this was it and I’d be with no one else. Through all the disrespect I told myself I have to suck it up and try to work on this for the sake of my son. He shouldn’t have two parents that hate each other. After all we were friends, at least that’s what I thought. BUT the more time I spend with my son and the less I hear from his dad I think yea we don’t need him around; My baby will do just fine without. We got through our 1st year alone (well besides the love of my family).

Yes, he’ll always be his father but that doesn’t mean he’s the best role model for him. Coming from a two-parent household I seen what a real man is and the steps he takes to be with and take care of his kids. I want nothing but positive, respectful men around my child. I want him to be inspired to do more than settle for the streets.  I want him to have plans for his life. I don’t want my son to think it’s okay to go around disrespecting people, hurting people, using & taking from people. I want him to grow to be a man and not spend his life being a little boy in a man’s body.

– Thoughts of A Single Mom.

The Single Mom Diaries: Work

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I start working on Tuesday for Google Play. The gig is temporary but I believe it’s a good look for my resume and I get to experience working outside of retail. Oh and who knows Vaco may be able to find me another gig whenever this one ends. Anyway I’ve been off almost a year since having my son and I enjoyed every bit of it. After he was born I was in no kind of rush to get back to work because I wanted to bond as much as I could with him. Now our time is being cut short which makes me super sad. It’s not like I’ll be working a part-time job. This is a full on 40 hour 5 days a week job so when I see him it’ll be at night. I guess it’ll be good for him to get around some other kids but it terrifies me sending him to child care. No one can take care of him the way I do. Luckily for the first 3 weeks he’ll be with family. Being away is going to make me really cherish the time I do get to spend with him. I’m lucky I got to spend 8 months with him though. Some parents immediately go back to work after having their baby and at times there ends up being no bond there. I took my son to visit a child care that we both liked and many of the kids have been there since being newborns. The provider said those kids think of it as their home since they are always there. I also see why other parents decide to be stay home moms/work from home. Unfortunately I don’t have that option. Being a single mom I have to go out there and work so my son has what he needs. I’m always going to make sure he is protected and provided for.  Long story short…. I’m excited for work but sad I won’t be with my baby all day.

Evan Reed….

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My heartbeat, air, love, my world….. My son. I look at you and everything surrounding me disappears because all I see and hear is you. It’s as if the whole world stops and in that moment nothing else matters. I never knew a love so sweet and it’ll take years for you to understand the unconditionally love I have for you.

I look at my son and I could never understand how someone can simply walk out of their children’s lives and treat them so badly. leaving him for just a few hours hurts my heart. The whole time away all I can think about is what he’s doing; has he ate, is he crying, maybe he’s playing or is he sleep. I look at my phone just to see his face wherever I go.

I want him to grow up and know that he is loved and whatever he needs or wants to talk about I’m here for him. I’ll teach him right from wrong. Remind him to always respect his elders and women. There’s nothing like a gentleman and I believe my generation needs to teach their children what a gentleman is. Take it back to the days when men cherished and protected their families.  I’ll remind him that education is the key and he has to work hard for what he wants; there are no shortcuts but God will help you find your way.

Looking at him just puts so much into perspective.  He inspires me. I love him more than anything and it continues to grow.

A Look Into Our Christmas

For 10+ years I haven’t spent a Christmas in my own home. The family would usually either be in Las Vegas or at another relatives house. Well, this year with me having a son and all we spent Christmas at home for the first time in forever. We had a little tree with gifts underneath and stockings that we wrote our names on in glitter hanging from the fireplace.

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We woke up, opened presents, made breakfast and had dinner with some of our family.What made it even better was my big sister was actually here for it all. It was like being young again but instead I grew up and had a kid. I loved everything about it.

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CoCo, Evan, & Mommy

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Evan & Mommy

A Look Into Our Christmas

The Single Mom Diaries: Co-Sleeping/Sleep Position

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One thing I’ve learned about being a first time mom is there is no right or wrong way to do things, so when I see people questioning my parenting it can be super annoying especially when it comes to going to the doctors. The conversation usually goes like this,

Does your baby sleep with you or in his crib?

He sleeps with me for the most part but he takes naps in his crib

Does he lay on his back or stomach?

I put him on both but he sleeps better on his stomach.

After these questions are asked here come the doctor with the same textbook response that I’m sure they give to every parent that walks in to their office. It goes something like,

When it comes to co-sleeping it is best that you let your child sleep in their own crib because it is safer for them. Some parents unknowingly roll over on their children or drop them from sleeping too hard. Also it is best for your baby to sleep on his/her back because it decreases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

Once upon a time it was said that babies should sleep on their stomachs and not their backs. When it comes to which position you want your child to sleep in I say it’s all up to you. For the first three months I did as I was told and let my son sleep on his back. A lot of the times I found that he liked sleeping on his side because he would always turn himself that way. Though the doctors always said it was safer to have him on his back I did fear that he would choke from spitting up. The first few times I put him on his stomach it was during the day and I made sure to keep an eye on him. I feared that he would bury his head into the mattress/couch like he would do to my chest. For that reason I didn’t allow him to sleep on his stomach at night until he was able to turn his head on his own, which he start doing I’d say a little before he hit four months. He is now five months and sleeps on his stomach no problem.

The Single Mom Diaries: Co-Sleeping/Sleep Position