Like men, women get bored too and to fill that void we occasionally use sex. It feels good (for the most part) and it’s a quick release. Let’s face it, sex takes the stress away and it can be pretty damn fun depending on who you’re vibing with. I’m 110% guilty. I find myself feeling lonely with nothing to do and it makes it easy to turn to sex for a little excitement. The bad part about it is in order to get the sex I start to rekindle old relationships with people I stopped dealing with for obvious reasons but because I loved what they had to offer in that particular area I always found my way back. I also knew if I called they weren’t going to deny me. Not to toot my own horn but *beep beep* I got that bomb that keeps the boys coming back. Anyways they may have been jerks but I knew the sex was going to be amazing. My logic was why go out and find someone new who may have the potential to disappoint me in the bedroom when I can just go for what I know?
Okay ladies, enough of that dicks are gross and I’d never put one of those near me until I’m married talk. We are not going to pretend we don’t sit around in group like settings with our girl friends and our favorite gay guy friend discussing the length and width of what men have in their pants. The conclusion is always the same; we don’t want to deal with the guy we tell to, “go deeper” only to realize he doesn’t have enough to go as deep as we’d like. BUT we also don’t want to deal with the guy who is extremely hung and making sex feel like we are fighting to stay alive.
Now to get my thoughts about size out there right away because I know there are some men that peak on my blog who are dying to know (yes, y’all are nosey as hell), NO size does not matter but I do prefer certain sizes over others, especially depending on the act that is being partaken in. Either way I’ve come across all sizes; Some that were extremely too big and I had to always ease my way into the act so I didn’t feel like I was suffering instead of being pleased and others where I thought I’m not putting that little ole thing near my mouth but we can still get it popping in this bed. Intercourse with guys that are a bit below average can still be enjoyable and please don’t try to tell me it can’t be. If you can get one-off with that little vibrator you own then you can certainly catch more than a few orgasms with the guy who isn’t up to your dick standards. After all it’s about the motion in the ocean and guys with huge dick don’t always know what they are doing. It’s like he has all that dick and no clue how it works. IT’S A WASTE!!! A waste of his time and my time and if he’s not willing to work on his stroke game I don’t need it.
Before we get into those juicy stories I like to tell let me school you a bit.
“A relationship built solely on sex is hardly a relationship at all…”
I’m not an expert when it comes to getting and keeping a relationship, as my ass has been single for what seems like forever, but I have had a share of my own relationships, some of which were based solely on sex. Can I even call this a relationship at all? Do these kind of relationships last once you remove the sex? I’m stuck between yes and no but I’m definitely leaning towards, “FUCK NO that shit doesn’t work out.”
I can remember getting into two different relationships (different times of course) and thinking back I can’t think of anything I had in common with either of these guys besides the fact that we enjoyed fucking each other, oh and they made me laugh. Gotta be able to make me laugh or we won’t be getting anywhere what so ever and YES, I said fucking. You can’t make love when you haven’t learned enough about each other outside of the bedroom to actually fall in love. Seriously, these relationships were, “hey how are you, lets eat (some days), okay now let’s get it on wherever we can” kind of thing going on. I was still pretty young at the time so during those time periods it didn’t hit me that I was in a sexship, as my friend called it. I figured because we had made it clear we were together and that we couldn’t stay away from each other that we were in a real relationship. It took me getting into a serious ass, “we living” together relationship to realize it’s so much more to being with someone.
To me kissing is one of the most intimate acts shared between two people. To be honest I find it more intimate than the act of having sex. This may not be the case for everyone but a person can have sex with you and never once will you two share a kiss and I say it’s because they aren’t as into as you may have thought. They simply had a goal of getting you in bed and it was accomplished but that’s not what we are talking about today. For two people to lock lips there had to have been some kind of chemistry there and if not chemistry definitely curiosity. I’m guilty of kissing a guy out of curiosity and then wishing I hadn’t after. It just confirmed what I had already known, I just wasn’t that into you outside of the friend zone.
For centuries men have been getting circumcised, though becoming less common in the last 20 years. For women with children, it has been an automatic that male newborns would get circumcised before leaving the hospital or within their first few months of life. The sooner it’s done the less you worry about the pain and your child being traumatized by the experience if you decide to do it when they are older. Though for me the experience was more traumatizing for me than him. Watching your child be strapped down so they can’t move was probably the hardest part to watch. The whole time he remained calmed and not one tear came from his eyes unlike the crying party I was having with myself. Anyways as a mom of a young boy there was no doubt in my mind when it came to whether or not I would get him circumcised. It was what was normal to me, his father didn’t disagree (although he wasn’t there to go through the procedure with me. S/O to my mom and her friends for the support) and I knew it would be helpful when he became involved with women because let’s face it when judge more than a little bit when it come to that subject. Unlike me a lot of parents are opting out of having their baby boys circumcised and letting them decide once they become adults.
Why/Why Not Circumcise?
Before the penis is circumcised there is foreskin covering the head making him uncircumcised. So why would someone have it removed?
The number 1 reason is health: men who are intact have a higher risk of penile skin inflammation and penile cancer is more common. Like women the uncircumcised man is also at risk of getting a UTI, intact foreskin can put men at higher risk of becoming infected with sexually transmitted infections and the chance of developing prostate cancer are 50-100% greater.
The sex debate also comes into play when making a decision. It’s been debated that removing the foreskin can decrease sensitivity during intercourse but there’s no way for a man to tell if he’s been circumcised at birth. It’s also been debated whether it is less or more pleasurable for their partner. It has been said that women who have partners that are circumcised experience more sexually pain compared to a man who has not been cut because the extra skin causes a smoother ride and can be helpful to women that don’t produce a lot of lubricate.
Going off to college is a whole new world or at least it seems. You’re leaving your parent’s house, walking away from high school life and stepping into independence. You get to experience life with no rules… Anyways I happened to be watching an interview that Issa Rae did with The Breakfast Club and the topic of the, “hoe phase” came into play. It’s going to be an issue explored on the series INSECURE, which returns to HBO on Sunday the 23rd (ahahah look at me promoting. I really like the show though). Before she could say the hoe phase usually comes in college I immediately thought to myself college is when I began my sexual exploration. When you think of the hoe-phase the first thing that pops into your head is he/she slept with everyone possible BUT that is not always the case. So what exactly does it mean…?
a phase in your life that occurs frequently when you are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people. these activities do not always end in s-x, but can lead to it.
Before college I didn’t know much about flirting or sex for that matter. In high school you have the girls that started fucking at 13, the ones who remain virgins until they meet someone worth giving it to (which can end up meaning they wait until marriage, it’s possible) and then there was me. The first time I had sex I was 16 and it was nothing like I thought it would be. It hurt like hell and I got rug burn. I’m pretty sure it lasted no longer than 3 minutes lol. I did not have sex again for a year and once I did I ended up getting pregnant. I didn’t keep that baby and then guess what I didn’t think about sex until I got to college. I was so turned off when it came to the sex topic after those experiences. I thought that shit isn’t anything special… Now here’s what happen when you get to college…
There’s been more than a few times in my life that the thought of being celibate came to mind.
Have I actually followed through with it? No, because part of me knew that I couldn’t commit. It’s one thing to just not have sex because you’ve been busy with life and the thought doesn’t really come to you but It’s another thing to tell yourself you aren’t going to have sex at all until you find the one you are going to spend your life with. The thought of actually being able to hold off until marriage sounds like a beautiful idea but then you have to stop and think about the temptations that you’ll eventually come across. So then it came to my mind that maybe I’ll practice abstinence, taking things a day at a time.
So what is the difference between abstinence and celibacy?