For centuries men have been getting circumcised, though becoming less common in the last 20 years. For women with children, it has been an automatic that male newborns would get circumcised before leaving the hospital or within their first few months of life. The sooner it’s done the less you worry about the pain and your child being traumatized by the experience if you decide to do it when they are older. Though for me the experience was more traumatizing for me than him. Watching your child be strapped down so they can’t move was probably the hardest part to watch. The whole time he remained calmed and not one tear came from his eyes unlike the crying party I was having with myself. Anyways as a mom of a young boy there was no doubt in my mind when it came to whether or not I would get him circumcised. It was what was normal to me, his father didn’t disagree (although he wasn’t there to go through the procedure with me. S/O to my mom and her friends for the support) and I knew it would be helpful when he became involved with women because let’s face it when judge more than a little bit when it come to that subject. Unlike me a lot of parents are opting out of having their baby boys circumcised and letting them decide once they become adults.
Why/Why Not Circumcise?
Before the penis is circumcised there is foreskin covering the head making him uncircumcised. So why would someone have it removed?
The number 1 reason is health: men who are intact have a higher risk of penile skin inflammation and penile cancer is more common. Like women the uncircumcised man is also at risk of getting a UTI, intact foreskin can put men at higher risk of becoming infected with sexually transmitted infections and the chance of developing prostate cancer are 50-100% greater.
The sex debate also comes into play when making a decision. It’s been debated that removing the foreskin can decrease sensitivity during intercourse but there’s no way for a man to tell if he’s been circumcised at birth. It’s also been debated whether it is less or more pleasurable for their partner. It has been said that women who have partners that are circumcised experience more sexually pain compared to a man who has not been cut because the extra skin causes a smoother ride and can be helpful to women that don’t produce a lot of lubricate.
Going off to college is a whole new world or at least it seems. You’re leaving your parent’s house, walking away from high school life and stepping into independence. You get to experience life with no rules… Anyways I happened to be watching an interview that Issa Rae did with The Breakfast Club and the topic of the, “hoe phase” came into play. It’s going to be an issue explored on the series INSECURE, which returns to HBO on Sunday the 23rd (ahahah look at me promoting. I really like the show though). Before she could say the hoe phase usually comes in college I immediately thought to myself college is when I began my sexual exploration. When you think of the hoe-phase the first thing that pops into your head is he/she slept with everyone possible BUT that is not always the case. So what exactly does it mean…?
a phase in your life that occurs frequently when you are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people. these activities do not always end in s-x, but can lead to it.
Before college I didn’t know much about flirting or sex for that matter. In high school you have the girls that started fucking at 13, the ones who remain virgins until they meet someone worth giving it to (which can end up meaning they wait until marriage, it’s possible) and then there was me. The first time I had sex I was 16 and it was nothing like I thought it would be. It hurt like hell and I got rug burn. I’m pretty sure it lasted no longer than 3 minutes lol. I did not have sex again for a year and once I did I ended up getting pregnant. I didn’t keep that baby and then guess what I didn’t think about sex until I got to college. I was so turned off when it came to the sex topic after those experiences. I thought that shit isn’t anything special… Now here’s what happen when you get to college…
There’s been more than a few times in my life that the thought of being celibate came to mind.
Have I actually followed through with it? No, because part of me knew that I couldn’t commit. It’s one thing to just not have sex because you’ve been busy with life and the thought doesn’t really come to you but It’s another thing to tell yourself you aren’t going to have sex at all until you find the one you are going to spend your life with. The thought of actually being able to hold off until marriage sounds like a beautiful idea but then you have to stop and think about the temptations that you’ll eventually come across. So then it came to my mind that maybe I’ll practice abstinence, taking things a day at a time.
So what is the difference between abstinence and celibacy?
Relationships, any kind of relationship (friendships, lovers, friends with benefits, boyfriend/girlfriends) can become addictive. That person or the feeling you get when you are with that person is addictive; they become our drug and we are left feening for more.
Just like a drug the high we get is only temporary but we continue to go back because in that moment we feel like anything is possible; all the worries in the world are gone and you believe you can do anything. There’s this sense of power that you have when you get this feeling and you start to believe they are the reason for it. But when that high went away you suddenly felt like shit and you realized they didn’t only make you feel good but they also made you feel like you were nothing. That’s when you tell yourself it’s time to give that drug up and cleanse your mind and body.
I was listening to Stage 30’s Podcast “Make Sure You Climax” and it brought up so much:
Not knowing our bodies
Being afraid to try new things
Thinking about his pleasure before yours
Not speaking up in the bedroom
Not wanting to sound like a freak hoe for speaking on sex
It gets to this point where it’s like I am not a little girl anymore. I shouldn’t be ashamed of who or how many people I’ve had sex with. I shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about sex with my girlfriends and especially the guy I’m sleeping with because if I am we don’t have any business fucking at all. I have some of my best conversations with my girlfriends about sex. Like girl you did that? I did that too but I didn’t want anyone to think I was being a hoe. Did it hurt? Oh, not really? let me try that out then. Continue reading →
Yesterday I was on Twitter and seen a video of a two people (exes) discussing the infidelity that went on in their relationship. The video starts off with Kourtney asking, “What did you do?” and he proceeds to say everything.
What was everything? Well he cheated on her with multiple women. During the video she asked how many and he couldn’t say a number because he lost count. Throughout the video you can see how hurt she is and he has no emotion. It’s as if he had no remorse for what he did to her yet she still forgave him. I believe if the opportunity was presented to her again she would get back with her ex. It’s sad watching how hurt she is yet you can tell she still has so much love for him.
Please don’t let this be you ladies; wasting 9 years on a guy who can’t commit. Whole time you’ve been thinking you’re in a relationship when really it’s a situationship. Now the both of you are standing there with a dumb ass look on your face; confused as hell. He’s wondering why you think you’re his woman and you’re mad as fuck wondering why he thinks you’re not. Jokes on you girl. Should have seen the signs and cut him off a long time ago. So now this man has you stuck contemplating if you should let him go or ride it out because you’ve invested all your time into what turned out to be nothing. Better get smart and cut ties while you still have some life to live.