I’ve become accustomed to filters; The fake lashes, colorful eyes, plump lips and rosy cheeks.
It’s the me everyone on social media is used to seeing.
It’s the me I’ve become comfortable with.
It’s the me that the camera loves.
It’s the me who is super confident.
But, that person isn’t really me.
It’s not the person I wake up to in the morning and go to sleep with at night.
She looks completely different; baggy eyes, random pimples, crazy brows/lashes, and tons of freckles and moles everyone.
I think she’s beautiful, but I’m also afraid to look at her.
I forget what she looks like & some days I don’t want to remember.
I’ve been forcing myself to take a look at me.
No fancy filter
Just me; naturally.
I remember I used to sit back and wait for you to become available to me.
It didn’t matter if It took years, I was willing to wait and see.
I just knew we were meant to be.
We would talk on the daily; message after message.
You were somebody else’s, yet you had all my attention.
It seemed like I had yours, so, like a fool I kept waiting.
Then the day came; you moved her out the way.
Oh, but nothing changed.
We spoke less and less.
Maybe once or twice every other month, at best.
All of that talk left me feeling a mess.
I figured you changed; at least you said you would.
You lied… like always, I knew you would.
Now, you’re wondering why I’ve changed.
My focus has shifted away; away from this insane idea
Idea that you could give me something great
Something that involved just us.
That wasn’t the case.
The day has come where I finally walk away.
A year with you was all I needed for all my dreams to come true
With you there was no limit to what I could do
No one had ever believed in me like you
I was blinded when it came to what I could do
the heights I could reach
the love I could give
A year with you was like a dream come true
All my fears were washed away
I felt brand new; rejuvenate
Nothing could break me the way it did before
Even if you walked away, I’d be okay
I’d cry not because I’m sad
because you loved me
brought life into me
woke up all my emotions
no longer heartless
I’m no longer speechless
365 days with you took away the lonely
It ignited the fire in me
Thank you for 365 days
You may be feeling lost right now and looking to others to make you feel entire again.
Only you can get yourself to the point of feeling whole.
Start by repeating these words daily, I complete me.
Reneé, Sydney. Her Final Entries: A Collection of Poems and Affirmations (p. 63). Kindle Edition.
I lay in bed all day.
I don’t want it to be any other way.
I keep my phone on vibrate.
Remove it from my space.
High-key miserable as fuck.
I’m lost as fuck.
Feeling some kind of way.
Living life in sweatpants and hoodies.
Just here wasting away.
Reneé, Sydney. Her Final Entries: A Collection of Poems and Affirmations