Growth: Finding Myself.


There was a time in life  I’d wake up every morning thinking I knew who I was until the day came that I realized I didn’t know myself at all.  I wasn’t sure where my life was heading and if I’d ever get to that destination. I spent more time worrying about what I didn’t have that I stopped focusing on the journey ahead.

A chunk of my life has been spent letting people dictate who I’d be; mostly the men I caught myself falling for. I was weak, I didn’t have a voice and I damn sure wasn’t using my mind. I look back and I see that I almost let my life go down a path of destruction. I’ve done things that I’ll never be able to take back. For years I was upset with myself and tried to bury the past. How could I almost let my life come to that?  I was disappointed in myself but that was a chapter of my life that made a piece of me. I thought I regretted the situation until I realized I learned and grew from it. I was not that person but I still had some searching to do.

Growth: Finding Myself.

How I Knew My Relationships Were Coming To An End..

As I was driving home from work the other day with my music blasting, a song popped on that made me start thinking of my past relationships. While drifting off in my thoughts I realized I knew when all my relationships were coming to an end, well except my first one. That’s a story that I don’t think has completely come to an end but we will discuss that at a different time. Anyways what I’m getting at is most of the time there are signs letting us know when we shouldn’t be with our partner anymore.

The beginning stages of a new relationship are always the happiest. The two of you are pretty much obsessed with one another; spending hours talking on the phone and if you weren’t talking then you were texting. In the beginning you actually cared how the other was feeling and wanted to spend every moment you had available together.

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Arguments don’t exist and its pure happiness in the honeymoon stage. You already make plans for your future (marriage, houses and kids) before fully knowing one another. The first disagreement comes putting your true feelings to the test. If the way the two of you feel about each other before the argument remains the same, most likely you’ll have a mature conversation and work through the issues. Why throw away something at the first realization that you don’t have the same opinions?

How I Knew My Relationships Were Coming To An End..

The Cycle….

Tell me why do men, no scratch that, why do boys think it’s okay to walk into a woman’s life and do nothing but waste her time? What was the point of pursuing her for months on in and building a friendship during the process if you knew you wanted nothing more than a few fucks here and there? Why talk about what the future would be like if you don’t see one with her? What makes you think it’s okay to listen to all the hurt she’s been through in the past and then turn around and do the exact same thing to her? Breaking down her wall and letting you in wasn’t an easy thing to do. You had to gain her trust. She needed to feel safe around you. She needed to know you’d be there and not hurt her like the ghost from her past. Oh, let me tell you, these boys play the role so well. Tell you everything you want to hear. They are nothing but devil in disguises seeing what they can get away with. Getting a kick out of us allowing them to be ignorant, disrespectful fools because we’ve invested so much time. They end up being worse than the ghost of exes. Yet we stay around and try to give them chance after chance. Sometimes we have to let them go and never let them back in. Tell me ladies, why should we keep wasting our time when we know there’s something/someone better for us? The cycle needs to end at some point right?

Life…

Things happen in life that some of us may never understand. No matter how good or bad we always seem to tell ourselves it’s part of God’s plan. Everything happens for a reason at least that’s what they say. Maybe if we had answers to why, the pain would go away. Could I have done something to stop the hurt & pain he felt that day? Could my words of advice have stopped her from making that big mistake that she regrets till this day? Could a simple hi have turned around that person’s day? Maybe a smile would have sent some light their way. There’s some things in life we just can’t change no matter how hard we try. It seems the devil always finds his way in to ruin what God had already planned. But don’t let it turn your skies gray and your heart cold. Don’t let it make you turn away from all those you once found warmth in. Continue to shine your light on all those who cross your path. Never lose that glow and have faith that there will be better days. It Just might really be apart of God’s plan……….