Remember that silly ass rule that you aren’t allowed to date one of your friend’s exes or someone they liked? It made sense when the person in this case was someone you considered a real friend aka someone you communicate with daily, share secrets/confide in and spend time with each other’s family. Of course in that case it can be considered betrayal depending on how your friend feels about said ex. Your friend may feel disrespected and never want to speak to you if you do decide to cross that line.
I’ve always been a person that believed it’s an excuse to stop another person’s happiness especially if you don’t consider the person a friend. That has been something I’ve noticed a lot these days. The ‘no dating a friend’s ex’ rule does not apply to someone you only know from social media. Just because you like each other’s pictures or leave a comment here and there doesn’t mean a friendship was built. It’s social media and If we’ve never exchanged numbers and attempted to build a friendship outside of cyberspace your feelings don’t mean much to me.
Going off to college is a whole new world or at least it seems. You’re leaving your parent’s house, walking away from high school life and stepping into independence. You get to experience life with no rules… Anyways I happened to be watching an interview that Issa Rae did with The Breakfast Club and the topic of the, “hoe phase” came into play. It’s going to be an issue explored on the series INSECURE, which returns to HBO on Sunday the 23rd (ahahah look at me promoting. I really like the show though). Before she could say the hoe phase usually comes in college I immediately thought to myself college is when I began my sexual exploration. When you think of the hoe-phase the first thing that pops into your head is he/she slept with everyone possible BUT that is not always the case. So what exactly does it mean…?
a phase in your life that occurs frequently when you are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people. these activities do not always end in s-x, but can lead to it.
Before college I didn’t know much about flirting or sex for that matter. In high school you have the girls that started fucking at 13, the ones who remain virgins until they meet someone worth giving it to (which can end up meaning they wait until marriage, it’s possible) and then there was me. The first time I had sex I was 16 and it was nothing like I thought it would be. It hurt like hell and I got rug burn. I’m pretty sure it lasted no longer than 3 minutes lol. I did not have sex again for a year and once I did I ended up getting pregnant. I didn’t keep that baby and then guess what I didn’t think about sex until I got to college. I was so turned off when it came to the sex topic after those experiences. I thought that shit isn’t anything special… Now here’s what happen when you get to college…
Today I went for a walk, my usual 35-40 minute walk towards the end of the work day. Sitting at a desk all day gets a bit tiring so why not get up and get active. While on my walk I found myself staring off in the distance with a million thoughts going through my head. It’s normal for me to drift off and think about life, sometimes I even pull out my phone to write down a quick poem or a few quotes. Today I just let the thoughts eat at me. Thoughts of who I am today and who I’ll become in the future. Wondering if I’m sleeping on the present me. Have a truly found myself 100%? I can confidently say, “Not even”. Every other day I’m learning more about me. I’ve become a more positive person once I stopped allowing myself to mix with those who radiated their negative energy onto me. For a moment I thought all life had to offer me was disappointment and drama until I manifested peace upon me. I decided to stay away from those who made me feel less than and focus on the things that made me happy. BUT today during that walk I felt like I was having a midlife crisis and I’ve yet to hit my 30s. I asked myself what is it I truly want? Do I want to stop chasing after my dreams that I was once so passionate about? I was feeling like I knew my mission (write) but I didn’t know my where the destination was or how I was getting there. Did I go left, make a right or keep strutting forward until I reached the unknown destination. What happened if I came to a dead-end? I knew I’d have to turn around but then where would I go? would I have to start from the beginning; start all over again? The hard part for me isn’t figuring out what career I want and will be genuinely happy with. The hard part is figuring out how I’m going to get my writing out there, how I’m going to bring in my audience and how will I meet people to network with. It’s possible I’m terrified of rejection; scared that I won’t have any supporters or that my work won’t be good enough. Sometimes I think I need some reassurance and a shove forward instead of feeling like I’m completely alone on my journey to the world of published writers…
Have you ever found yourself walking down the hall and you almost bump into a coworker or notice someone you’ve never paid attention to before? Or have you ran into someone in the break room and you start feeling butterflies? Suddenly you look up and see this beautiful person in front of you. From that moment you find yourself attracted and wanting to learn more about who they are as a person but there’s that part of you that’s saying don’t mix your professional and personal life. Yet you find yourself flirting every now and then or find yourself looking a little too long and immediately having to look away when you see them coming your way. There are days you don’t know if you should speak or stay hidden away in your corner of the office. It’s actually kind of torturous.
Anyways this is currently happening to me. I’ve found myself attracted to someone who works in the same building as me. I’ve noticed him for months ever since I almost walked right into him. Besides the fact that he is handsome and funny (I got some courage to speak to him), every time I look his way something in me goes, “I want to learn all about that man.” Now, I’m telling myself I have no intentions of crossing any boundaries but wouldn’t I be if I acted on thoughts of wanting to get to know him outside of the office? Not anything sexual but just wanting to catch a show, go for a walk and build a friendship outside of work. Who knows he may not even want to get to know me in that way so why say anything at all right? Or what happens if a friendship turns into something romantic. Then you have to worry about mixing love and work; the consequences that could possibly come with it.
This conflict I’ve been having with myself got me thinking about workplace romance and that’s where this piece comes into place…
Jhene releases a new video, a modern day 50 First Dates 🙂
He walks into a diner to find a woman eating and drawing. The man that works their warns him she has short term memory and to stay away but it doesn’t stop him from approaching and building a relationship with her. Towards the end she’s starting to realize he has been with her all along as she looks at her drawings. Now that’s love! A man who spends everyday reminding/showing you what you’ve become no matter the hardship. She was worth starting over with each and every day. YAS Jhené!!!
Music From H.E.R. inspired this short film Every Kind of Way. It’s a journey of love and hurt. Love listening to the stories of how the couples met.
Directed by Sean Frank
People that treat you as if you are an object they own or one of their misbehaved children. I’m neither of those. You cannot speak to me any kind of way you want. You cannot monitor where and where I do not go. You cannot tell me who to be friends with. You cannot tell me how to speak and how I should carry myself. That goes for people I have history with and people I do not. Do not try to use the love I have or had for you to make me submit to you and your commands. I am a grown woman and you should treat me as such. Show me some respect and I will grant you with the same. BUT I will not be told to ask for permission or that I need to do this or that in order for me to be in your life. You’ve made it clear to me that all you want is control. Those are the kind of people I’ve worked so hard to remove from my life. The people who feel entitled and think they can do as they please but are complete hypocrites when it comes to others. They want to control the situation and you at the same time. I cannot be controlled and for that matter why would you want to be with a person that does as you say every time you say it. Let others be their own person. Stop thinking that it’s your way or no way. Stop treating people like property when you know you don’t want to be treated the same. I’m finding that the people that show this type of behavior are the ones who can’t even commit to a relationship/friendship. They don’t want to speak to nor spend time with you but want to have control over your life.
STOP! YOU’RE PISSING ME OFF
A Fed Up Black Woman ❤