Ladies ladies ladies… I know that sometimes we are so desperate to meet “the one” that we mind fuck ourselves into thinking any guy that comes into our lives with a few nice gestures is the one. First off ladies, most men are doing one of the two:
Being gentleman enough to the point he gets you to say yes to giving him your number so he can take you out
Being gentleman enough to get you out in order to eventually get you into bed.
The first motive is usually a good one. He wants to take you out, meaning he wants to get to know you more. It doesn’t have to be right away of course but eventually that is the goal. He’ll spend time getting to know you, hopefully via voice calls and not text. I find that you get to really know a person by talking on the phone. Text tends to get misread and assumptions are made. Now once he feels like you’re comfortable enough the two of you may finally plan that date night. Onto the second motive: he’s only being gentleman like because he wants to have sex with you. It’s the sad truth. Guys will only be nice enough to get you in bed and then they let their true colors fly. Now this can happen in a short amount of time or he’s the guy that doesn’t mind the long ride. Once you do give it up you’re stuck wondering why he’s no longer the guy you first met.
Here I go again going onto a whole new subject. Just like a woman to get sidetracked with the million other thoughts going on in my head. So back to it; thinking he’s the one isn’t going to make him the one. To be honest it’s really not up to us to decide if he’s the one. Sure there are signs that can let us know if he may or may not be the one but as women we have to remember that if he doesn’t feel the same way about you it’s not on you to say, “but you’re the one for me.” Sorry sweetie but it doesn’t work that way, it takes two.
“A relationship built solely on sex is hardly a relationship at all…”
I’m not an expert when it comes to getting and keeping a relationship, as my ass has been single for what seems like forever, but I have had a share of my own relationships, some of which were based solely on sex. Can I even call this a relationship at all? Do these kind of relationships last once you remove the sex? I’m stuck between yes and no but I’m definitely leaning towards, “FUCK NO that shit doesn’t work out.”
I can remember getting into two different relationships (different times of course) and thinking back I can’t think of anything I had in common with either of these guys besides the fact that we enjoyed fucking each other, oh and they made me laugh. Gotta be able to make me laugh or we won’t be getting anywhere what so ever and YES, I said fucking. You can’t make love when you haven’t learned enough about each other outside of the bedroom to actually fall in love. Seriously, these relationships were, “hey how are you, lets eat (some days), okay now let’s get it on wherever we can” kind of thing going on. I was still pretty young at the time so during those time periods it didn’t hit me that I was in a sexship, as my friend called it. I figured because we had made it clear we were together and that we couldn’t stay away from each other that we were in a real relationship. It took me getting into a serious ass, “we living” together relationship to realize it’s so much more to being with someone.
To me kissing is one of the most intimate acts shared between two people. To be honest I find it more intimate than the act of having sex. This may not be the case for everyone but a person can have sex with you and never once will you two share a kiss and I say it’s because they aren’t as into as you may have thought. They simply had a goal of getting you in bed and it was accomplished but that’s not what we are talking about today. For two people to lock lips there had to have been some kind of chemistry there and if not chemistry definitely curiosity. I’m guilty of kissing a guy out of curiosity and then wishing I hadn’t after. It just confirmed what I had already known, I just wasn’t that into you outside of the friend zone.
If you know me and I mean truly know me, you’d know I’m not one to have many friends. I may know/know of a lot of people but I’ve never truly been able to call those people MY friends. To be honest you’ll never see me with a big group of people and if you do it’s very likely it’s just my family.
People may not know this but it’s always bothered me a little that I don’t have a group of girls I can call on when I’m down or want to laugh about absolutely nothing. It bothers me even more when my family laughs and brings up the fact that I don’t have friends. When someone comes around or I do hangout with someone it’s a damn celebration of life to them. BUTWAIT!!!! I’ll take that back. I do have a few girls I can look to when I need to vent, ask for advice or just be silly for no reason but of course my closest friends always live in different states or are just busy doing and figuring out life like I am. I may not see or talk to them much but I know they are people I can call on if needed.
Still, there are times I wished I had girls (other than family) I could go out with, take trips and go to brunch. When I get free time away from my son It just turns into me sitting home wishing I had something to do, somewhere to go and people to see. I don’t have that in my life and I never thought it was something I would feel like I’m missing out on. Part of me always imaged growing old with people I met as a child but for me things haven’t gone that way.
I’ve built bonds with people, I can give myself that, but somehow those bonds always seem to break. It may take a few months maybe even a few years but eventually the friendship slips away before I can realize what went wrong. Once I click with someone I begin to look at that person as not just a friend but as my family. I’m not afraid to show you who the real Sydney is. I will open up about my biggest fears and most embarrassing moments. You will see my goofy side as well as my serious one. I’ll pour my heart out to you and you can do the same with no judgement. So to me it’s sad when those same people disappear and I’m left thinking, “what’s wrong with me?” I’ve had this happen to me plenty of times by people I still love and care for. One minute you’re communicating everyday, laughing, smiling and crying. Then the next minute the conversations slowly starts to fade. They stop responding to your calls and texts. Months start to go by and you wonder how they’re doing so you hit them and still no reply. It’s not like they dropped off the face of Earth. We live in a world where everyone uses social media and no one seems to ever put down their phones so you know they see you reaching out. You pray that they’re ok and maybe they’ll come around. Along with the hurt you feel also comes anger. In the back of your mind all you can think is “WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU?”
Anyways it got me thinking, am I the reason I don’t have many people I can call a friend? I know I’m sort of introvert. I live in my thoughts. When I am out I have to check out the scene/people around me before I become comfortable but is there more to it? Me being me and loving Google I decided to do my own little research about why I have no friends and then relate it back to myself.
For centuries men have been getting circumcised, though becoming less common in the last 20 years. For women with children, it has been an automatic that male newborns would get circumcised before leaving the hospital or within their first few months of life. The sooner it’s done the less you worry about the pain and your child being traumatized by the experience if you decide to do it when they are older. Though for me the experience was more traumatizing for me than him. Watching your child be strapped down so they can’t move was probably the hardest part to watch. The whole time he remained calmed and not one tear came from his eyes unlike the crying party I was having with myself. Anyways as a mom of a young boy there was no doubt in my mind when it came to whether or not I would get him circumcised. It was what was normal to me, his father didn’t disagree (although he wasn’t there to go through the procedure with me. S/O to my mom and her friends for the support) and I knew it would be helpful when he became involved with women because let’s face it when judge more than a little bit when it come to that subject. Unlike me a lot of parents are opting out of having their baby boys circumcised and letting them decide once they become adults.
Why/Why Not Circumcise?
Before the penis is circumcised there is foreskin covering the head making him uncircumcised. So why would someone have it removed?
The number 1 reason is health: men who are intact have a higher risk of penile skin inflammation and penile cancer is more common. Like women the uncircumcised man is also at risk of getting a UTI, intact foreskin can put men at higher risk of becoming infected with sexually transmitted infections and the chance of developing prostate cancer are 50-100% greater.
The sex debate also comes into play when making a decision. It’s been debated that removing the foreskin can decrease sensitivity during intercourse but there’s no way for a man to tell if he’s been circumcised at birth. It’s also been debated whether it is less or more pleasurable for their partner. It has been said that women who have partners that are circumcised experience more sexually pain compared to a man who has not been cut because the extra skin causes a smoother ride and can be helpful to women that don’t produce a lot of lubricate.
Remember that silly ass rule that you aren’t allowed to date one of your friend’s exes or someone they liked? It made sense when the person in this case was someone you considered a real friend aka someone you communicate with daily, share secrets/confide in and spend time with each other’s family. Of course in that case it can be considered betrayal depending on how your friend feels about said ex. Your friend may feel disrespected and never want to speak to you if you do decide to cross that line.
I’ve always been a person that believed it’s an excuse to stop another person’s happiness especially if you don’t consider the person a friend. That has been something I’ve noticed a lot these days. The ‘no dating a friend’s ex’ rule does not apply to someone you only know from social media. Just because you like each other’s pictures or leave a comment here and there doesn’t mean a friendship was built. It’s social media and If we’ve never exchanged numbers and attempted to build a friendship outside of cyberspace your feelings don’t mean much to me.
Going off to college is a whole new world or at least it seems. You’re leaving your parent’s house, walking away from high school life and stepping into independence. You get to experience life with no rules… Anyways I happened to be watching an interview that Issa Rae did with The Breakfast Club and the topic of the, “hoe phase” came into play. It’s going to be an issue explored on the series INSECURE, which returns to HBO on Sunday the 23rd (ahahah look at me promoting. I really like the show though). Before she could say the hoe phase usually comes in college I immediately thought to myself college is when I began my sexual exploration. When you think of the hoe-phase the first thing that pops into your head is he/she slept with everyone possible BUT that is not always the case. So what exactly does it mean…?
a phase in your life that occurs frequently when you are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people. these activities do not always end in s-x, but can lead to it.
Before college I didn’t know much about flirting or sex for that matter. In high school you have the girls that started fucking at 13, the ones who remain virgins until they meet someone worth giving it to (which can end up meaning they wait until marriage, it’s possible) and then there was me. The first time I had sex I was 16 and it was nothing like I thought it would be. It hurt like hell and I got rug burn. I’m pretty sure it lasted no longer than 3 minutes lol. I did not have sex again for a year and once I did I ended up getting pregnant. I didn’t keep that baby and then guess what I didn’t think about sex until I got to college. I was so turned off when it came to the sex topic after those experiences. I thought that shit isn’t anything special… Now here’s what happen when you get to college…