The Single Mom Diaries – Hello Again!

I can’t remember the last time I took some time out to just write, not just on here but in my journal, send a friend a letter or even work on my book. Being a mom and then adding a job in the mix I’m now working 24/7 but I love it all; I find it to be a blessing and I only see more coming my way. I’m working for a company called Vaco which has me working at Google/YouTube and I’m loving everything about it. Everyone here is great and the pay is amazing. Way way better than any retail job I’ve ever worked. Evan is in daycare and I’m very pleased with where he is. I’m pretty sure he is getting spoiled over there but as long as he’s happy I am too. As far as my dating life I don’t have one lol. Last time I went on a date was Valentine’s Day but then again I’m pretty tired by time I get in that I just want to stay in the house, catch up on shows I’ve missed and be in my son’s face. I do like someone though (sometimes). He’s pretty fun to be around but I don’t want to catch any hard feelings because reality is this may only be temporary and all. He’s here from out-of-state and will be switching schools in a year. It sucks but if I look on the positive side its shown me that it’s still some nice guys out there. Lately (the pass 2 days) my son’s father has been calling me and I won’t lie it’s stressed me a little because I hate trying to figure out what someone wants. Is he getting out of jail? Is he pissed I filed for full custody? Is he gonna cuss me out or is his head in a good space?  I have no clue but I don’t really want to put the money on my phone to find out. I’ll deal with everything when the time comes. But that’s really all that’s been going on in my life lately; working and being the best mother I know how to be.

The Single Mom Diaries: Work

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I start working on Tuesday for Google Play. The gig is temporary but I believe it’s a good look for my resume and I get to experience working outside of retail. Oh and who knows Vaco may be able to find me another gig whenever this one ends. Anyway I’ve been off almost a year since having my son and I enjoyed every bit of it. After he was born I was in no kind of rush to get back to work because I wanted to bond as much as I could with him. Now our time is being cut short which makes me super sad. It’s not like I’ll be working a part-time job. This is a full on 40 hour 5 days a week job so when I see him it’ll be at night. I guess it’ll be good for him to get around some other kids but it terrifies me sending him to child care. No one can take care of him the way I do. Luckily for the first 3 weeks he’ll be with family. Being away is going to make me really cherish the time I do get to spend with him. I’m lucky I got to spend 8 months with him though. Some parents immediately go back to work after having their baby and at times there ends up being no bond there. I took my son to visit a child care that we both liked and many of the kids have been there since being newborns. The provider said those kids think of it as their home since they are always there. I also see why other parents decide to be stay home moms/work from home. Unfortunately I don’t have that option. Being a single mom I have to go out there and work so my son has what he needs. I’m always going to make sure he is protected and provided for.  Long story short…. I’m excited for work but sad I won’t be with my baby all day.

Evan Reed….

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My heartbeat, air, love, my world….. My son. I look at you and everything surrounding me disappears because all I see and hear is you. It’s as if the whole world stops and in that moment nothing else matters. I never knew a love so sweet and it’ll take years for you to understand the unconditionally love I have for you.

I look at my son and I could never understand how someone can simply walk out of their children’s lives and treat them so badly. leaving him for just a few hours hurts my heart. The whole time away all I can think about is what he’s doing; has he ate, is he crying, maybe he’s playing or is he sleep. I look at my phone just to see his face wherever I go.

I want him to grow up and know that he is loved and whatever he needs or wants to talk about I’m here for him. I’ll teach him right from wrong. Remind him to always respect his elders and women. There’s nothing like a gentleman and I believe my generation needs to teach their children what a gentleman is. Take it back to the days when men cherished and protected their families.  I’ll remind him that education is the key and he has to work hard for what he wants; there are no shortcuts but God will help you find your way.

Looking at him just puts so much into perspective.  He inspires me. I love him more than anything and it continues to grow.

What Is Your Emotional Age?

What is your emotional age? It’s a very valid question, which is the reason I loved this article. You never know your partners age until the two of you get into a disagreement. They can seem mature until you get into a fight and you immediately start to feel like you’re dealing with a child. There’s no calming them down, they talk over you and bring up things that aren’t relevant to the disagreement. It becomes draining. It’s okay to still be a child at heart but there are times you need to be serious and know how to articulate what you’re feeling.

The Fickle Heartbeat

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Shared by our awesome Featured Writer, One Gentleman.

Relationships, whether platonic or romantic, are not always easy for the individuals involved. They can appear like rainbows and sunshine one second, and in the next, it seems like the beginning of World War III.

On a personal level, I do not yell, use profanity or say things maliciously, whenever I do not see eye-to-eye with someone.

My parents would often say that I am the quietest of all their children. I believe that character trait blended into other areas of my life.

I also imagine this has something to do with my conversation style today, whenever I become part of a disagreement with my wife and other loved ones.

I am surely not perfect, and I have to say this before the lunatics come out stipulating that I have an ego, based on the information thus far. LoL.

I have…

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The Single Mom Diaries

And the saga continues…. Just when you think the petty shit is over the other party does something to prove you wrong. As most of you know (and for those who don’t) my son’s dad has been in jail for about four months now. Before that we hadn’t been speaking and he only seen his son twice besides at the hospital when he was born. Now you’d think someone that is in jail and has a child would be sending letters asking about their child instead of talking about what you should have been doing and who they are dating now. Instead of worrying about a female being there for you what you need to be doing is worrying about getting your life together for BOTH of your sons.

After reading a five page letter full of bullshit and contradictions it made me realize I’m making the right choice to get full physical and legal custody of my son. I will never trust having my child around a person who is only concerned about a female being there for him through the pain & disrespect, has anger issues, never sober and doesn’t have a stable place to live. I also don’t trust my child to be around a family (his dad’s) that never checks on him but instead tries to make it seem like I’m the villian. There will be no more of me going out of my way to send pictures, invite them to visit (they never show) and updating them on his development. People that really cared would go about asking on their own.

Sometimes I feel like my son’s father thinks he is still speaking to the 19 year old me. The girl that was a little lost and not fully mature. Things have changed and they changed drastically when I realized I was having a baby. The fact that his dad told me “I have a lot of growing up to do” and “hopes my son makes me a better woman,” made me see that he is still living in the past and he is the one that needs to grow up. Since the day I found out I was pregnant I’ve been taking care of the seed growing inside me and I’ve been taking care of him since he entered the world as well. I feed him, bathe him, change his diapers, read to him and put him to sleep. I take him to all of his doctor’s appointments. I don’t leave him every weekend to go to the clubs because he is my responsibility and I’d rather be the one staying in with him. My son will be 1 in a few months and a person that’s literally done nothing for him is telling me I need to grow up. The nerve.

I will not be entertaining anymore of those letters or him pretending he has been fighting to be a family. We haven’t been together for over a year. A few months after having my son he broke up with me and we never got back together. I did all the fighting and I lost every battle. It took me constantly being hurt to realize this wasn’t what he truly wanted and now I’m okay with that..

I’m going to continue on this journey of being the best mother I can be whether I’m single or not. My son is my number one focus and always will be.