A Look Into Our Christmas

For 10+ years I haven’t spent a Christmas in my own home. The family would usually either be in Las Vegas or at another relatives house. Well, this year with me having a son and all we spent Christmas at home for the first time in forever. We had a little tree with gifts underneath and stockings that we wrote our names on in glitter hanging from the fireplace.

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We woke up, opened presents, made breakfast and had dinner with some of our family.What made it even better was my big sister was actually here for it all. It was like being young again but instead I grew up and had a kid. I loved everything about it.

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CoCo, Evan, & Mommy

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Evan & Mommy

A Look Into Our Christmas

The Single Mom Diaries: Realization

Lately as you can see I haven’t done much blogging. I had to take a moment to myself, step back and take a real good look at things and people in my life, mostly my current situation with my son’s father. Most people wouldn’t air out their business on a blog because they are afraid of what people will think of them but I’m a writer and this is how I express my feelings. After all this is The Diary Of She. For the longest I’ve had this man’s back, gave him all I could, didn’t talk down on him and the life he was living. I called him my best friend, my husband and the love of my life. Even when he disrespected me over and over and talked down on me like I was just some random in the street. It took me a year (during my pregnancy to my son being 6 months) to realize that’s not how a man treats a woman he loves and that’s damn sure not how you should treat the mother of your child. It took me thinking back/looking at all the hurtful things he has ever said to me and crying my eyes out to see that’s not the man I want to be with and that’s also not the man I want my son to grow up to be. He will know how to respect not only women but his elders as well. He will work hard for everything he has instead of running to the streets living faulty. I had to stop thinking about myself and start thinking for my son as well. He doesn’t deserve to grow up in a dysfunctional household and he won’t have to. He won’t have to look at someone who abuses his mother, not physically but emotionally. It may have taken a lot to push me but I’ve finally realized, actually i’ve always known that I deserve so much better than what I have been receiving and with that realization has come complete happiness.

The Single Mom Diaries: Co-Sleeping/Sleep Position

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One thing I’ve learned about being a first time mom is there is no right or wrong way to do things, so when I see people questioning my parenting it can be super annoying especially when it comes to going to the doctors. The conversation usually goes like this,

Does your baby sleep with you or in his crib?

He sleeps with me for the most part but he takes naps in his crib

Does he lay on his back or stomach?

I put him on both but he sleeps better on his stomach.

After these questions are asked here come the doctor with the same textbook response that I’m sure they give to every parent that walks in to their office. It goes something like,

When it comes to co-sleeping it is best that you let your child sleep in their own crib because it is safer for them. Some parents unknowingly roll over on their children or drop them from sleeping too hard. Also it is best for your baby to sleep on his/her back because it decreases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

Once upon a time it was said that babies should sleep on their stomachs and not their backs. When it comes to which position you want your child to sleep in I say it’s all up to you. For the first three months I did as I was told and let my son sleep on his back. A lot of the times I found that he liked sleeping on his side because he would always turn himself that way. Though the doctors always said it was safer to have him on his back I did fear that he would choke from spitting up. The first few times I put him on his stomach it was during the day and I made sure to keep an eye on him. I feared that he would bury his head into the mattress/couch like he would do to my chest. For that reason I didn’t allow him to sleep on his stomach at night until he was able to turn his head on his own, which he start doing I’d say a little before he hit four months. He is now five months and sleeps on his stomach no problem.

The Single Mom Diaries: Co-Sleeping/Sleep Position

The Single Mom Diaries – Move On or Hold On?

The thought of moving on at times sounds so lovely. Going out into the world to find somebody who truly, whole heartedly loves me. Someone who loves not only me but my son as well. I come as a packaged deal these days and if these guys can’t respect it then we’ll never have a connection and someone else will.

As of lately someone has stepped up wanting to play that role. It sounds nice and all but this fella I don’t really know. I want no man around my son if we aren’t having a future together. I will not be the mother who brings men in and out of my son’s life especially when he has yet to build a bond with his father.

I still have hopes of having a family; Him, my son and maybe another baby. But before I even think about taking that step he has to be ready. None of that talking about how much he loves me and can’t see himself without me. I’ve heard it too many times before and the actions never matched the words but yet I don’t lose hope. Maybe he needs time to grow. Maybe he’ll be able to love us the way we deserve to be love. Maybe he’ll be the one I marry.

Love has a crazy way of making you hold on to something that others may say is gone but I’ll continue to hold on until that time really comes.

Letting Go of Love

Lately I’ve been having a back and forth battle with my heart and my mind. My mind is telling me to just let this love I have for him go but my heart hopes and prays that everything will be okay because this is the person I love. Having all these feelings are becoming toxic and I just want to let them go but how do I go about that? For the past few weeks I’ve been watching episodes of Iyanla Fix My Life and she said something that related to me and many other women. Us,  women hang on to these toxic relationships because we are holding on to the promise, the promise or many promises these men make. In the back of our minds we still have hope and believe something will change, which explains why it’s hard for us to walk away when those promises are broken. I’m not sure if these steps I found actually work because I have yet to try them for myself but here is what Dr Phil has to say about letting go of love.

Does he really even make you happy? Be honest with yourself about the extent to which he’s really meeting your needs. Chances are you’re longing for the relationship that you wish it could be, and that you want to be in love with the person you wish he was. Dr. Phil reminds a guest: “There are times when you break up with somebody and you start missing them and you start thinking about all the good things. And then you’re back with them for about 10 minutes and you go ‘Oh yeah! Now I remember why I hate you!'” Don’t kid yourself about what it was really like or glorify the past. 

Don’t wait around because you think he’s going to change. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so the chance that he’s going to ride in on his white horse and do the right thing is pretty slim. Dr. Phil explains, “To the extent that there’s some history, you don’t have to speculate, you just have to measure.”

Don’t put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that’s holding you back from a better future. Dr. Phil tells his guest, “As long you are obsessed on this guy, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one.” Set some goals and start putting your life back together.

Don’t beat yourself up. You got through your last experience, you’ve learned from it, and now it’s time to move forward. Dr. Phil tells his guest, “You’ll move on and be a champion in your next endeavor as you did in your past … Life is not a success-only journey. You are going to get beat up along the way.”

Focus on yourself. All of us come into relationships with baggage, but you need to have closure on past experiences before you can start a new relationship with the odds in your favor. Dr. Phil tells a guest who’s had trouble with her father, her brother and two previous husbands: “Unless and until you’ve figured out everything you’ve got to figure out about that and you get closure, you will never come into a relationship with a fresh and clean heart and mind and expectancy and attitude.” You’re probably not ready to get into another relationship until you heal the wounds of your past. 

These are just a few quotes that I decided to post because they are perfect for my situation. Will they help me let go? Who really knows. I have to admit to myself that this isn’t going to work and be ready for a change. When I can do that then maybe these steps can help me move on.

What have you done when it came to getting over an ex and how long did it take you?

Would you take Dr Phil’s advice?