Did I ever tell you guys I did therapy for awhile? It wasn’t something I had planned on doing but during the time I was unemployed it was an option for me; one that I’m glad I was given and till this day I wish I found another therapist to continue to see. Taking the time to talk to someone outside of your circle brings a lot to the forefront that you would have never seen if it weren’t for a therapist. One of those things that came to light was it’s not my responsibility to make sure everyone around me or that I love is okay.
I’ve spent so much time holding myself back and neglecting taking care of myself because I’ve always been the type of person to base what I do in my life on others, whether that be in a relationship, with my family, or in my career. My thought process has always been if I do this I won’t be able to do that for them, which shouldn’t even be in my thoughts unless it’s something that I need to do for my son. In all honesty my son should be the only person I’m taking care of and making life easier for, until he is able to take care of himself, and my parents of course when they are unable to do for themselves.
I’ve put my time and my money into making sure people have had clothes on their backs, food in their stomachs, money in their pockets and even my car to get to and from places. I’ve done this for people who’ve never done anything for me like EVER, but I did it because I felt some sort of obligation to. If I love and care about them why wouldn’t I, right? but that should never be the case and you should never feel bad about saying no, especially if it’s going to affect you in some sort of way.
Now, I’m not saying that it’s bad to want to be that person that loves and cares for other people. It can actually have certain benefits like: lowering your blood pressure, it teaches patience, understanding, loyalty and sometimes it just feels good to make someone else happy, but it can also have it’s negatives. Spending time taking care of everyone else will always lead to you neglecting yourself and feeling like you aren’t worthy of others love and care. Eventually you may get to a point where you start rejecting those that want to be in the position you’ve always been in; wanting to care for you and love you unconditionally.
Before you get into the habit of making sure everyone in your life is okay, make sure you are taking care of yourself first. Once you are aligned mentally, physically and spiritually you’ll be in a position to accept the help you need, as well as helping others, but remember you aren’t obligated.
Remember that one post I wrote awhile back about how I had a few DIY projects I wanted to do? Well after a few months I finally took my behind in the kitchen and made myself some lip balm, which I absolutely love. I’m one of those girls who will buy about 3 lip balms or chap-sticks at a time and lose 2 out of 3 within the week and that stuff is not one bit of cheap okay, especially if you like Burt’s Bee like me. BUT what I created may be way better, longer lasting, healthier and it makes my lips feel like heaven.
I went in the bathroom and grabbed all the supplies I ordered two months prior, then went in the kitchen to start melting down my beeswax, cocoa butter, Shea butter and coconut oil. Once it all melted down I added in some almond oil, a few drops of lavender oil and strawberry fragrance oil. That alone, only took about 4-5 minutes and pouring it into my 10ml travel jars only took a minute. So, in total making your own lip balm takes about 6 minutes. I was able to fill up 7 jars with the measurements I used:
2 tbsp of beeswax
1 tbsp coconut oil
I tbsp Shea Butter
1 tbsp Cocoa Butter
1 tbsp Sweet Almond Oil
Now when it comes to the oils, add how ever much or less you want. For the fragrance oils I’ve heard some people say they had to use the whole bottle but I didn’t have to and it smells just like strawberry lip balm, even after it cooled off, which took about a minute or so.
I found this particular recipe on Pinterest and tweaked it a bit. You can play around with the measurements and even add in different oils. Next time I’m going to try adding in jojoba oil and maybe use a little color from my lipsticks I never use to add a tint to the balm. I recommend using this balm as a primer under your lipstick or add it to you’re nightly routine. I used my homemade vanilla brown sugar lip scrub and then applied the lip balm after. When I woke up my lips were not dry or splitting like I’m used to in the morning.
You can also use these same ingredients, minus the fragrance oil to make a body balm. I’m going to look more into how to make that and body butter next time around. Either way I’m very happy to save some money and I have a ton of supplies left to make more. I gave a jar to everyone in the house including the kids and had one left to spare. Also this will last for a year, but I’m sure I’ll use mine up before then.
FYI: make sure to keep them in a cool place if you don’t want to end up with a jar of oil.
You walk into the office, place your belongings at the desk, sign into your computer and then make your way to the ladies room to freshen up. You go into the micro-kitchen to either get yourself a drink or morning snack before going to take a seat at your desk. You find yourself looking through work emails and finishing up some work before you find that you are left with 5 more hours of work with no work to do. Now during this time you can either find some busy work, browse the internet or you might even start job hunting, even if you really don’t need a new job. Sometimes you just want to see what else is out there.
On multiple occasions I’ve found myself on the job looking for a new one. The main reasons for this can be any of the following:
I’m on a temporary assignment and the contract will be coming to an end soon.
The travel to work is taking a toll and I’d like to be closer to home
I need to get out of there before I’m on one of this Investigation Discovery shows
Part of me feels like a child, going behind their parent’s back but another part of me feels I should be looking out for myself because let’s face it, the corporate world can care less about their black employees or the women in their field. Out of all the jobs I’ve worked including retail, I’ve noticed how the men are quick to get a raise and/or promoted over a woman that has been there putting in more hours and being more dedicated to the job. In the office, as a contractor I’ve also noticed the men are easily converted to full time permanent employees, while the women have to move on and hope to find something new. So, if you must look for a job while on the job, go for it but here are some things you should remember while employed.
Make sure you’re resume is updated
Make sure your LinkedIn is complete
Stay focused on your current job duties
Have an idea of what kind of job & pay you are looking for
Never use your work email to reach out to potential employers
Don’t tell your current co-worker’s about the job search or use them as a reference
If you are invited for an interview, try not to do them during work hours
Don’t use your company computer/phone for the search but if you do make sure you are in incognito mode.
Never use a job board to post your resume if you are trying to be discreet.
At some point we want to be able to find a job we can stick with and retire from. If you find you are happy with your current job, stop your search. I would hate for anyone to get caught and then be forced into finding a new position.
How much does the opinions and approvals of someone else really matter to you…? If you had to think about it, you should definitely read this.
What is approval anyway? Why does everyone have an opinion of something when it comes to me? So what someone says, I don’t like how you’re rocking that dress, you should wear heels with it and not sneakers. Whatever!
Here’s 6 reasons why someone else’s approval and opinions of me don’t matter!
They do not have to walk in my shoes. People are always going to have an opinion about something you say, do or what have you, but at the end of the day, it’s your life that you have to live and not theirs. Period.
No one can really say what they would do IF they were me. Reality is, they’re not me.
They wouldn’t do what they’re telling me to do. Many times people give advice to others but wouldn’t do the same if it were them, as a matter of fact, they wouldn’t even be open to opinions of others. It’s easier to tell someone else to do something than to actually do it themselves. Why? Because they know they wouldn’t really take those kind of chances. For instance a husband cheated on his wife and all her girlfriends are like “Girl you crazy, I wouldn’t put up with that” “You need to leave his a$$” “It wouldn’t be me” Truth is, these women wouldn’t really leave their mates and they have probably done worse. Best thing is, keep your business to yourself as far as friends and family go because they’re gonna always have the best solution for you and your situation.
Deep down we know what we want or need to do so do it! Go with your gut (or intuition) ladies. I know for me, almost every time I go against it, it doesn’t work out for me. So listen to your intuition, that’s why we have it!
Those “friends” giving me an approval when their stuff probably raggedy itself. This one you have to be careful of. Sometimes other people are so miserable about their own lives that they want others to be the same so they give you bad advice on purpose or they say they don’t like something because they can’t have it too. And yes, ladies, some of them “so called” girlfriends are undercover jealous of you. So because of that, be mindful of who you speak to. Everyone doesn’t want to see you succeed, be happy or loved.
Too many opinions will have me confused. Confusion leads to making wrong choices. I’m just saying.
So no matter what, someone in our lives is always going to have an opinion about something; from the style of your hair to the choice in a mate. It’s up to you how much you allow the approval, perspectives, and opinions of others to affect your life. You know who you are, what you like, what you want and what you need, don’t let others decide that for you.
When you love you, you don’t need the approval of others.
Sometimes we get lost in a society of what’s acceptable or normal and that’s what it suppose to be, right?! Not hardly. Nothing wrong with being different and being yourself. When you love you and you know who you are, then that’s what it is.
Have you ever had a moment where you’ve come to realize that you just may be the most god-awful person in the world? Like everyone around you would probably be better off if you ducked off to some private island or a secluded house into the woods? I have this feeling more than I’d like to admit and I just ask myself, what did I do to deserve to feel this way, especially from a little kid; the life I created?
Sometimes I just feel like a crap of a mom, who doesn’t deserve to bring another life into the world, which I probably won’t. As a grown woman I know it’s normal for younger children to have their outburst and turn you into the villain from their favorite show or movie because you’ve told them to:
STOP MAKING ALL THAT DAMN NOISE
GO TO YOUR ROOMNOW!!
IT’S TIME TO TAKE A SHOWER.
NO MORE SNACKS
BRUSH YOUR TEETH
IT’S TIME TO GO TO BED!
But the responses you receive and the actions they take to prove how upset you’ve made them is like a bullet to the heart. I’ve heard the words, I hate you, I want a new mom, I want to live with (insert name(s) here) but not you, among other things you really don’t want to hear from your little one. You know they don’t mean it and they would have a heart-attack if you really sent them off to a new mom or family, but the thought lingers in the back of your mind of whether or not you’re truly deserving of your own kid.
Since the day I found out I was pregnant I’ve always worried about if I was going to be a good mom and I wonder if my kid will grow up hating my guts or be appreciative of all I’ve done and taught him. He’s still young but it’s hard not to wonder if you are making them happy. My son loves to be under me, play games with me and he always wants to cuddle, but sometimes he has moments where I feel like he just doesn’t like me. They say it’s a phase that’s pretty much like puberty but the shit sucks and I know I still have years of him having his moments of hating me because I didn’t get himself, let him do something, or told him right from wrong, which he probably won’t realize I was right and only looking out for his best interest until he’s an adult.
That also means I’m still going to have moment’s of feeling like a crappy mom but that’s alright. I’m pretty sure it won’t always be that way. Part of being a human being is feeling both emotions of love and hate. We feel it as adults so it’s only normal for our children to feel the same. All we can do it continue to teach them about how to be respectful and how to spread more love than ill feelings towards others. It’s going to be a test but I think we’ll pass it in the end.