With Change Comes Growth

Like a flower needs rain to grow
You need pain to grow

-Mila J

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Today I was talking to a good friend of mine as I always do in our group chat and the topic of change came up. Currently I’m in-between jobs and she believes this whole change I’m enduring in life is coming from the universe and the universe is say, “follow your dreams and gain the freedom and happiness you’ve always desired.” Mind you, the universe, as well as those that know me, have been trying to tell me this for a long time  but I always let my 9-5 and the fear of failing stop me.

Someone once told me that the fear I was feeling was the devil trying to hold me back and I can do nothing but agree with that because it was a fact. Now that I’m no longer working I’m so happy I have all this free time to put my fears behind me and jump into what I love most, creating… Podcast, books, YouTube videos and clothing. Continue reading

Let’s Talk Confidence

I’m back with a new Vlog on my YouTube channel and today I felt like talking about confidence because let’s face, I don’t always have it and part of that comes from the world we call social media. We start to get so consumed into this idea that we are supposed to look a certain way and have certain things based on what people say, post and like.

I’m here to say, FUCK IT! once you find your confidence no one will be able to tell you shit or make you doubt yourself.

Check it out below!

C.O.N.F.I.D.E.N.T
— Read on youtu.be/7jBXdF9XHUk

Diary of A Single Mom: Discipline

Being someone’s mother is an absolute blessing but as I sit here listening to my son cry I remember that although it’s the best gift that can be given to any woman in this universe it is also a stressful one.

If you’re wondering why he is crying it’s because he’s laying in bed with the lights and television off since he decided to be disobedient after I told him over and over to stop acting out. It’s getting to a point where I’m trying to figure out how to handle him when it comes to disciplining him.

Just a few days ago I told his grandmother and TT that we all shouldn’t constantly yell at him because I feel that its way too many people coming at him. I’ll do the yelling and baby taps when I feel like it’s absolutely necessary but before I get there I want to try the time outs and sitting him down for a talk. At times I find that putting him in a corner or turning everything off works because he knows that he did something wrong and from the crying I can tell he’s pissed about it. Eventually after spending what seems like an hour crying, he’ll calm down and go back to behaving nicely. I notice that when we yell it doesn’t bother him one bit. He’ll get a little attitude, be quiet for a few minutes and then goes right back to raising hell. I could be thinking ahead too much but I don’t want him thinking that he should just do whatever he wants because he’s going to get yelled at anyway but I also don’t want him thinking it’s okay to disobey us because he thinks we aren’t going to say anything.

Continue reading

Advice: A Relationship Is A Two Way Street

So besides using WordPress I like to randomly go onto Tumblr sometimes and what do you know I seen I had a message from someone,

What does it mean when your boyfriend gets so easily irritated with you and when you guys fight he ignores you for days and for you 2 to start even speaking again I have to speak first and apologize but makes it seem like she’s the victim all the time and has an excuse for everything.

Now I’m no expert when it comes to relationships and I can only give you advice based on what I’ve gone through in my own relationships. This is what I had to say,

Know Who You’re Dealing With.

“You’ll know when a man cares and genuinely wants you because he’ll want to grow with you. Even if you attract his attention, it doesn’t mean he’ll respect you. And even if he tells you he wants you, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll end up with his heart.”

I seen this quote as I was scrolling through IG this morning and it made me think. Women get so caught up in wanting to be with someone so bad they forget that all guys aren’t the same and neither are their intentions. There’s actually a few guys we should know the difference between:

The User

  • This is the guy who’s always in your wallet and never wants to spend time with you except for when he needs something.  He’s always complaining about what he doesn’t have and eventually he knows you’re going to start feeling bad for him. It starts off with little stuff like food or a ride. Then it eventually turns into you paying his bills and always letting him “borrow” money that you’ll never get back. This is the guy who doesn’t like you but he likes you for what you can do. Once you stop doing for him he’s on to the next with no regrets. Why? Because he’s a user and that’s just how he gets by. How long is it going to take us women to notice that a guy is only hitting our phones when he needs something.

The Hoe

  • Well do I really need to explain it? It’s pretty obvious this is the guy who just wants to get another pretty girl under his belt. All you are to him is a sexually object and ladies you’re confusing sex for love. Just because a man is having sex with you it doesn’t mean he wants to be with you. Most of the time this guy lets you know what his intentions are by the way he approaches you and they way he speaks to you but still we tend to get caught up in the sex and make it something it really isn’t. He may say he wants you but it’s not your heart he wants and you definitely aren’t the only woman he used the, “I want you” line on.

Friend-zoned

  • And I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about us ladies lol. Yes, it’s true, guys do put us in the friend zone and it’s usually the one we actually like. This is the guy we tell everything to and we feel comfortable being ourselves with. You find yourself spending all your time with this guy and you eventually catch feelings even though he’s never made a move on you. You get stuck being called the best friend or even worse the sister.

Committed

  • This is usually they guy we are all hoping to find but part of us our afraid he just doesn’t exist due to being hurt and played with so often. I’m telling you don’t give up because there are men out there willing to settle down and build with you. Just like us women mean dream of finding that one woman they are going to spend their life with, have children and a home with. He’ll be faithful to you & protect you no matter the cost. He is the guy that doesn’t look at you as an object but she’s you for who you truly are and loves everything about you, flaws included.

Really it’s on us women to distinguish who is who. Sometimes guys do play the role and act like they are committed to you but It’s on us to see the signs. We also have to remember not to get upset with they guy who made it clear from the beginning what you guys were and weren’t to each other because AGAIN he did let us know.

Letting Go of Love

Lately I’ve been having a back and forth battle with my heart and my mind. My mind is telling me to just let this love I have for him go but my heart hopes and prays that everything will be okay because this is the person I love. Having all these feelings are becoming toxic and I just want to let them go but how do I go about that? For the past few weeks I’ve been watching episodes of Iyanla Fix My Life and she said something that related to me and many other women. Us,  women hang on to these toxic relationships because we are holding on to the promise, the promise or many promises these men make. In the back of our minds we still have hope and believe something will change, which explains why it’s hard for us to walk away when those promises are broken. I’m not sure if these steps I found actually work because I have yet to try them for myself but here is what Dr Phil has to say about letting go of love.

Does he really even make you happy? Be honest with yourself about the extent to which he’s really meeting your needs. Chances are you’re longing for the relationship that you wish it could be, and that you want to be in love with the person you wish he was. Dr. Phil reminds a guest: “There are times when you break up with somebody and you start missing them and you start thinking about all the good things. And then you’re back with them for about 10 minutes and you go ‘Oh yeah! Now I remember why I hate you!'” Don’t kid yourself about what it was really like or glorify the past. 

Don’t wait around because you think he’s going to change. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so the chance that he’s going to ride in on his white horse and do the right thing is pretty slim. Dr. Phil explains, “To the extent that there’s some history, you don’t have to speculate, you just have to measure.”

Don’t put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that’s holding you back from a better future. Dr. Phil tells his guest, “As long you are obsessed on this guy, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one.” Set some goals and start putting your life back together.

Don’t beat yourself up. You got through your last experience, you’ve learned from it, and now it’s time to move forward. Dr. Phil tells his guest, “You’ll move on and be a champion in your next endeavor as you did in your past … Life is not a success-only journey. You are going to get beat up along the way.”

Focus on yourself. All of us come into relationships with baggage, but you need to have closure on past experiences before you can start a new relationship with the odds in your favor. Dr. Phil tells a guest who’s had trouble with her father, her brother and two previous husbands: “Unless and until you’ve figured out everything you’ve got to figure out about that and you get closure, you will never come into a relationship with a fresh and clean heart and mind and expectancy and attitude.” You’re probably not ready to get into another relationship until you heal the wounds of your past. 

These are just a few quotes that I decided to post because they are perfect for my situation. Will they help me let go? Who really knows. I have to admit to myself that this isn’t going to work and be ready for a change. When I can do that then maybe these steps can help me move on.

What have you done when it came to getting over an ex and how long did it take you?

Would you take Dr Phil’s advice?