Remember that silly ass rule that you aren’t allowed to date one of your friend’s exes or someone they liked? It made sense when the person in this case was someone you considered a real friend aka someone you communicate with daily, share secrets/confide in and spend time with each other’s family. Of course in that case it can be considered betrayal depending on how your friend feels about said ex. Your friend may feel disrespected and never want to speak to you if you do decide to cross that line.
I’ve always been a person that believed it’s an excuse to stop another person’s happiness especially if you don’t consider the person a friend. That has been something I’ve noticed a lot these days. The ‘no dating a friend’s ex’ rule does not apply to someone you only know from social media. Just because you like each other’s pictures or leave a comment here and there doesn’t mean a friendship was built. It’s social media and If we’ve never exchanged numbers and attempted to build a friendship outside of cyberspace your feelings don’t mean much to me.
I never liked dating… to be honest up until my son I literally always had a boyfriend. Once me and my son’s dad didn’t work out I swore off dating for almost a year. My main focus was on my son, to get over my heartbreak and build my strength back up. Doing that meant there was no room for any men to come in my life and fuck me up any further.
Once I did start thinking about dating, which really only came to mind when I wanted to get out the house, I started thinking who wants someone who just had a kid. Then it was like okay what if i start liking the person I’m dating. I can’t just bring anyone around unless they are serious about me. A million thoughts started to run through my mind again and I was just like I do not want to do this dating thing anymore. It was going to be way too much for me to handle. How was I gong to split my time between my son and whatever guy I let in my life? Shit I wasn’t. My son was going to always come before him and not a lot of guys could handle that. If you were going to date me your were going to have to understand I can’t come running like most girls and I’m definitely not going to play games.
Before even entertaining anyone the first thing I mentioned was my son and the following questions followed:
- How do you feel about women with kids?
- Have you dated someone with kids?
- Do you like kids?
- Are you looking for something serious or casual?
I didn’t want to get involved with anyone who wasn’t looking toward the future. If they were looking to have “fun” I wasn’t interested.
I can’t recall all the times I’ve had someone I was dating tell me to cut off my male friends but it’s one of the most irritating things I’ve experienced. I would look at them with this, “who the fuck do you think you are” face. Who were they to tell me who and who I couldn’t be friends with? They definitely weren’t my boyfriends and if they were trying to be they weren’t doing a great job at sealing the deal.
Don’t get me wrong, there comes a time when you do have to let go of some of those male friends in your life, you know the ones that are secretly waiting on your relationships to end, putting doubts in your head about your significant other whenever you come to them for advice so they can eventually be the guy you turn to when you’re over the relationship. Those are the ones you need to pay close attention to once you start getting serious with someone. You don’t want your man being uncomfortable because your “friend” doesn’t know when to stop flirting with you.
Still I’m not cutting anyone from my team until we decide we are going to make it official and work towards building a future together. Continue reading
Su & Tray are back again speaking some real shit. Going into this podcast, “The First Date,” I was expecting that to be the starting conversation but child let me tell you, they brought up having a degree and finding work. That’s what really caught my attention. When it comes to looking for work your degree does not guarantee you’ll get the job you want. I went to school for journalism and child development and have yet to find a job in those fields.
When I finished college I was pregnant and working at Nike. Once I went on leave I told myself I could not go back to retail and I didn’t. My plan was to go back to work in 6 months and I felt like it wasn’t going to happen for me because I couldn’t find a job. Well, the Lord blessed me because a recruiter found my resume (a super old one) and I ended up with a job with 2 weeks of that call. I’ve been at this job for almost 2 years now and I started out making more than I’ve ever made working retail. I am getting to a point where I want to move on to a new company and one closer to home and I’m finding it to be extremely difficult. Working in the entertainment/movie field gave me an idea of what I wanted to do and I ended up getting an interview ( actually 4 interviews) with Netflix only to be told I did not get the position. It definitely discouraged me. I also find myself looking at positions telling myself nope don’t want to do this, don’t want to do that. I’ve turned down interviews and positions because I felt I could have found better but little do I know I could have grown in those positions. I believe a lot of people can relate to the struggles of finding work and having a degree, so thank you Su & Tray for sharing your stories.
Dating is a part of the human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage.
Living in a generation where a date seems to be nothing more than a night in watching movies & what seems like a guaranteed hookup, it’s hard to believe there are still good men out there who will take the time to get to know who you are. The days of courting have stopped and we are now stuck in a world of “Netflix & Chill” and meme’s on Instagram that represent ones “relationship goals.”
But tell me how can one achieve “relationship goals” when we aren’t taking steps to get to know an individual,and when I speak of getting to know a person I am not speaking of their body. We have lost sight of why we begin dating in the first place, to find that one person we will eventually marry and build a life with. Instead “dating” is now the new hook up. The goal isn’t marriage but sex. There’s no long talks on the phone, learning about each other’s hopes, dreams, fears and likes. Instead calls are midnight text requesting you to “come through” for a late night booty call. In most cases the female expects for sex to turn into a relationship but the guy is just killing time with her and two others just like her. A lot of times people will take the sex over getting to know one another for the simple fact they fear being alone and/or fear being hurt. If a date always consist of you meeting someone at their house I think it’s safe to say it’s no longer a date and you two are simply cuddy buddies.