If you know me and I mean truly know me, you’d know I’m not one to have many friends. I may know/know of a lot of people but I’ve never truly been able to call those people MY friends. To be honest you’ll never see me with a big group of people and if you do it’s very likely it’s just my family.
People may not know this but it’s always bothered me a little that I don’t have a group of girls I can call on when I’m down or want to laugh about absolutely nothing. It bothers me even more when my family laughs and brings up the fact that I don’t have friends. When someone comes around or I do hangout with someone it’s a damn celebration of life to them. BUTWAIT!!!! I’ll take that back. I do have a few girls I can look to when I need to vent, ask for advice or just be silly for no reason but of course my closest friends always live in different states or are just busy doing and figuring out life like I am. I may not see or talk to them much but I know they are people I can call on if needed.
Still, there are times I wished I had girls (other than family) I could go out with, take trips and go to brunch. When I get free time away from my son It just turns into me sitting home wishing I had something to do, somewhere to go and people to see. I don’t have that in my life and I never thought it was something I would feel like I’m missing out on. Part of me always imaged growing old with people I met as a child but for me things haven’t gone that way.
I’ve built bonds with people, I can give myself that, but somehow those bonds always seem to break. It may take a few months maybe even a few years but eventually the friendship slips away before I can realize what went wrong. Once I click with someone I begin to look at that person as not just a friend but as my family. I’m not afraid to show you who the real Sydney is. I will open up about my biggest fears and most embarrassing moments. You will see my goofy side as well as my serious one. I’ll pour my heart out to you and you can do the same with no judgement. So to me it’s sad when those same people disappear and I’m left thinking, “what’s wrong with me?” I’ve had this happen to me plenty of times by people I still love and care for. One minute you’re communicating everyday, laughing, smiling and crying. Then the next minute the conversations slowly starts to fade. They stop responding to your calls and texts. Months start to go by and you wonder how they’re doing so you hit them and still no reply. It’s not like they dropped off the face of Earth. We live in a world where everyone uses social media and no one seems to ever put down their phones so you know they see you reaching out. You pray that they’re ok and maybe they’ll come around. Along with the hurt you feel also comes anger. In the back of your mind all you can think is “WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU?”
Anyways it got me thinking, am I the reason I don’t have many people I can call a friend? I know I’m sort of introvert. I live in my thoughts. When I am out I have to check out the scene/people around me before I become comfortable but is there more to it? Me being me and loving Google I decided to do my own little research about why I have no friends and then relate it back to myself.
In life we all come across that one human being that we know inside and out. We pretty much go to this person for everything. They’re one of the most important people in our lives and we couldn’t imagine having to live without them. We call this person our best friend but in most cases they end up being more like family.
Being able to open up to a person; sharing your weaknesses and deepest secrets, can be scary but it’s beautiful when you can peel off every layer of you, revealing who you truly are without being judged. They aren’t only there during the hard times but they get to witness some of the happiest moments in your life. Now this person may be female or male but a lot of times we have both, which is great because you get two different opinions about certain subjects because lets just admit it, men and women do not think the same. But what happens when you begin to fall for your friend of the opposite sex? It could end up being the person you spend the rest of your life with but you have to remember you may also ruin a friendship that took years to build. Trust me I’ve been in the situation of taking that extra step with a best friend and let’s say we’ve basically become acquaintances who label each other ‘best friend.’
Last night before bed I decided to listen to Stage 30‘s Podcast, “We Ain’t Friends.” The show is hosted by Su & Tray. You can follow their twitter handle @Stage30_ and catch a new episode every week.
They discussed learning when to let go of friendships and recognizing when people really aren’t your friends. Although their Podcast is geared towards those who just hit 30 and what life brings, this particular subject caught my attention. Plus I’ll be hitting 30 before I know it.
Growing up we build bonds with individuals based on the fact that we are in each other’s presence everyday whether that’s at school,gatherings or work. You see these particular people so much that eventually you begin to call each other friends.