With the New Year comes the same phrase, “New Year New Me,” and the same countdown to the days people will be cutting everyone out of their lives. With the New Year comes the same ole resolutions that people aren’t going to see through just like they didn’t follow through the year before and the year before that. We are into Day 2 of 2018 and as I go through my socials there’s not much of a change I’ve seen in anyone. People have the same toxic people in their lives, still talk about the same ole drama, still in love with that cheating ass nigga and still treating their “King/Queen” like the peasants they are not.
Why does it take 12 months for any of you to suddenly want to change? Each and everyday we should be taking the time out to better ourselves, learn something new about who we are, the people around us and the world we live in. Why does it take 365 days to suddenly say it’s time to end this toxic friendship, that dysfunctional relationship and/or business partnership? We contemplate cutting people out of our lives daily but it takes for January 1st to come around to say okay I’m finally going to do it.
This is a very touchy subject but I thought I’d put it out there because you never know who you’re helping or who has had the same experience as you. I know there’s going to be people who judge me and think I’m this horrible individual but we all make choices in life and this is mine to live with..
Currently I’m sitting at my desk and looking through my Tumblr archive and I came across a post from 2012:
As many of you may know from previous post that I’ve had one abortion when I was 17. Although I don’t talk about it to anyone ( literally no one) years later I still feel hurt, sad and regretful. I find myself envying those who do have children or are expecting children. It may be stupid but I always think that could be me walking around with my child. That could be me in the park playing with my kid. That could be knowing what it feels like to love someone the way my parents love me, but it’s not.
There was a time in life I’d wake up every morning thinking I knew who I was until the day came that I realized I didn’t know myself at all. I wasn’t sure where my life was heading and if I’d ever get to that destination. I spent more time worrying about what I didn’t have that I stopped focusing on the journey ahead.
A chunk of my life has been spent letting people dictate who I’d be; mostly the men I caught myself falling for. I was weak, I didn’t have a voice and I damn sure wasn’t using my mind. I look back and I see that I almost let my life go down a path of destruction. I’ve done things that I’ll never be able to take back. For years I was upset with myself and tried to bury the past. How could I almost let my life come to that? I was disappointed in myself but that was a chapter of my life that made a piece of me. I thought I regretted the situation until I realized I learned and grew from it. I was not that person but I still had some searching to do.