Advice: A Relationship Is A Two Way Street

So besides using WordPress I like to randomly go onto Tumblr sometimes and what do you know I seen I had a message from someone,

What does it mean when your boyfriend gets so easily irritated with you and when you guys fight he ignores you for days and for you 2 to start even speaking again I have to speak first and apologize but makes it seem like she’s the victim all the time and has an excuse for everything.

Now I’m no expert when it comes to relationships and I can only give you advice based on what I’ve gone through in my own relationships. This is what I had to say,

Single Mommy Diaries: Love Is Real

Love is real but don’t get me wrong, there are definitely times I doubt it. I doubt that there’s still men out there that treat their women like Queens and want to make sure their families are safe and provided for. I doubt that courting still exist cause we as women are so quick to jump for a man who sends smiley faces and heart eyes through text messages instead of calling us on the phone; taking the time out to get to know who we are. A good morning text, a trip to the movies and some fast food seems to count as a date these days and after that first “date” all there is do is “hang” and that consist of Netflix and sex. Eventually the cute text stop and you become a nag just for sending a simple, “What are you doing?” We’ve made it so easy for these guys to think they don’t have to do anything more. Is that all we’re really worth? Because that is how it appears. There are times I doubt that gentlemen still exist. I see guys sitting in the car while their woman is pumping gas and cleaning the windows. Guys don’t open doors anymore instead we do it for ourselves. They don’t call us beautiful or comment on our intelligence. Instead we’re bad bitches and they’d rather us be quiet than to hear anything we have to say. I see guys constantly degrading and disrespecting their women. They cheat on their women then go home and lay with their women. Then you see her posting up pictures on social media pretending to have the perfect relationship. It’s things like this that makes me doubt love is real. But I’m wrong cause there are still good men out there waiting to find the right woman to treat like a queen. I know love is real because my son has shown me that I can love deeper and stronger than I ever thought I could. My son is love and that’s how I know love is real. He is love and I made him out of love. That love may have broken my heart and put doubt in me that I’d find someone to love again but the fact that I’ve felt this way once makes me know I can love again. But this time it’ll be the right person. They say fairytales aren’t real but you’re wrong. I believe in fairytales and although they may not start out perfect there’s still a happy ending. I always say I have my happy (my son) but the ending has yet to come.

Evan Reed….

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My heartbeat, air, love, my world….. My son. I look at you and everything surrounding me disappears because all I see and hear is you. It’s as if the whole world stops and in that moment nothing else matters. I never knew a love so sweet and it’ll take years for you to understand the unconditionally love I have for you.

I look at my son and I could never understand how someone can simply walk out of their children’s lives and treat them so badly. leaving him for just a few hours hurts my heart. The whole time away all I can think about is what he’s doing; has he ate, is he crying, maybe he’s playing or is he sleep. I look at my phone just to see his face wherever I go.

I want him to grow up and know that he is loved and whatever he needs or wants to talk about I’m here for him. I’ll teach him right from wrong. Remind him to always respect his elders and women. There’s nothing like a gentleman and I believe my generation needs to teach their children what a gentleman is. Take it back to the days when men cherished and protected their families.  I’ll remind him that education is the key and he has to work hard for what he wants; there are no shortcuts but God will help you find your way.

Looking at him just puts so much into perspective.  He inspires me. I love him more than anything and it continues to grow.

A Message For 2015

I didn’t write this but I found it and thought it was so fitting. 2014 I had more down moments than up. I spent almost all of 2014 hurt and stressed out. The best thing that happened to me was my son… Now I’m looking to have a positive year, focus on bettering my life for my son and I, and letting go of all those that bring me down. BUT for those who still feel broken remember this,

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HAPPY 2015

The Single Mom Diaries – It Started With A Test

clear-blue-pregnancy-testMy life changed the day I pissed on that little stick we all know as a pregnancy test. I remember it like it was yesterday; Almost exactly a year ago, October 9, 2013. I had to work that day and my period was already three days late. For someone like me, who keeps track of her periods and is literally always on time I knew something was wrong but all I could do was deny deny deny. That was until something in the back of my mind said run to the store and that’s exactly what I did. Fifteen minutes  later I was looking at a plus sign. I was indeed pregnant and there was no way I could deny it. Five seconds after peeing on that stick the plus signed showed up clear as the sky on a hot summer day. So I sent it to my boyfriend at the time who replied, “Are you really?”

Now with that said I should have taken that as a sign. Of course I was really pregnant, I wouldn’t send a picture of a pregnancy test if I wasn’t. Some women play those games but not I. Plus when you’re having unprotected sex there’s only so much that can happen; a STD or a baby and we ended up with a baby. Or let’s be more clear, I ended up with a baby.

So many times women end up single mothers because they base what they do in life off of a guys broken promises. Am I wrong or am I right? He tells you he loves you and can’t live life without you. He wants you as his wife and to have your kids. Lets be honest this usually all happens at the beginning of the relationship, the honeymoon stage. The two of you haven’t even actually gotten to know each other. The sexual chemistry is there but nothing else. He’s whispering sweet nothings in your ear not realizing when he forgets about it, those words are still implanted in your head. The honeymoon stage ends and you end up breaking up or are on the verge of breaking up and you end up pregnant. Now this is when you have to throw everything he said out the windows and make a decision for YOURSELF. A lot of young women do not do that. They think maybe if I keep the baby he’ll change and we can be a family. I personally think that’s the worst decision a woman can make; having a baby because they think it’ll get them the man.

When I seen my positive pregnancy test EVERYTHING popped into my head. I was happy, scared, confused, sad and  happy again. But the one thing I knew I wasn’t going to do was get an abortion. I experience it once a week before senior year started and it was something I wasn’t doing again. Back then I knew I wouldn’t be able to take care of a baby but having a baby at 24 I knew I had a better chance. I got my bachelors degree and I knew my baby was who I was going to be living for so me continuing to go forward in life wasn’t and isn’t going to stop. Like many women I hoped for my baby’s dad to be there but I also knew that wasn’t a guarantee so from the beginning in the back of my mind part of me was preparing to be a single mom. Of course I wasn’t going to admit that to my family because like many women you don’t want your relationship to be looked at as a fail but sometimes we have to accept that all things aren’t meant to be in order to move on.

I had my son on June 17,2014 and it’s been a blessing. God gave me the greatest gift. I’m not with his father and I haven’t been for months. At first I hated it and at times I still have my moments BUT I wouldn’t change a thing. We as women are strong, stronger than we like to believe and we were made for this.