There’s always that family friend or family member that likes to point out how you never have a significant other or never allow people to get close to you. It can become annoying when you have gatherings and before you even get there you know the questions you’re going to get involve your dating life, the one you may not have. I know for a fact I don’t have a dating life, even though at times I want to experience what it’s like I’m quick to avoid the entire situation.
I hate saying it but men really are the main reason I say no to dates. I’m sure there are a lot of good ones out there but I tend to do all I can to avoid any man due to the ones I’ve dealt with in the past. Going through months of getting to know a person only to find out they are nothing like the person they portrayed to be is a complete turn off. It’s so much that makes you say to yourself, “Maybe being alone won’t be so bad after all.” I’d rather be lonely than be drained of all my energy by a person that doesn’t want the best for me. Anyway before I start ranting let me list the rest of my reasons as to why I do not date.
I know by now most of us have seen the video posted by PrinceTattedd with the girl Ashley, who sat next to him for waaaayyyyy too long listening to his bullshit about how he doesn’t want a title. If you haven’t seen it you can watch it below before I get into my spill.
Now the video I watched on Facebook was 7 mins but this shit is a 16 min video and I’m over him and I’m also over her for sitting there for so long. BTW it’s also another video and this nigga has keys to her place. Her dad also told her this fool got her looking dumb so he’s mad at her as he should be. The moment he told her he could fuck around with other women but if she did the same he would cut, she needed to get up and walk the hell away BUT looking at her face she already had her mind made up on where her feelings would be staying and that is with him. She has become attached to this man and has already built a bond with the person his YouTube fans do not get to see.
We can call her stupid and we can also say he ain’t shit but trust and believe we’ve all been in this situation, some of us more than once. Now I respect him for finally saying something to her but he should have been straight forward from the start that way she wouldn’t have went into the situation thinking they were working towards a relationship. Now I’m not saying he needed to put a title on what they are because titles aren’t really necessary but an understanding is needed. What I mean by this is going into the situation it should have been made clear that:
Not wanting to give up because every part of you (mind, body, and soul) tells you he’s the one you’ll end up spending your life with. Having visions of your future together and how beautiful it will all be. Family get togethers, adventures with the kids, dancing around to old school love songs and feeling the love grow with ever sway and turn. Even through the disagreements that turn to petty arguments you know that there is no one else out there for you. You try to burn the bridge to distance yourself but some how you still manage to make your way to the other side as if you two were linked in a way that no matter how much you pull away you remain stuck; ending up back in the same position you tried to leave. You start to wonder if this is God or if it’s the Devils work. Should you just try to walk away and see if that will finally be the end of it all? Or do you remain in their presence and see if it’ll fall apart anyway?
Tell me why do men, no scratch that, why do boys think it’s okay to walk into a woman’s life and do nothing but waste her time? What was the point of pursuing her for months on in and building a friendship during the process if you knew you wanted nothing more than a few fucks here and there? Why talk about what the future would be like if you don’t see one with her? What makes you think it’s okay to listen to all the hurt she’s been through in the past and then turn around and do the exact same thing to her? Breaking down her wall and letting you in wasn’t an easy thing to do. You had to gain her trust. She needed to feel safe around you. She needed to know you’d be there and not hurt her like the ghost from her past. Oh, let me tell you, these boys play the role so well. Tell you everything you want to hear. They are nothing but devil in disguises seeing what they can get away with. Getting a kick out of us allowing them to be ignorant, disrespectful fools because we’ve invested so much time. They end up being worse than the ghost of exes. Yet we stay around and try to give them chance after chance. Sometimes we have to let them go and never let them back in. Tell me ladies, why should we keep wasting our time when we know there’s something/someone better for us? The cycle needs to end at some point right?
So besides using WordPress I like to randomly go onto Tumblr sometimes and what do you know I seen I had a message from someone,
What does it mean when your boyfriend gets so easily irritated with you and when you guys fight he ignores you for days and for you 2 to start even speaking again I have to speak first and apologize but makes it seem like she’s the victim all the time and has an excuse for everything.
Now I’m no expert when it comes to relationships and I can only give you advice based on what I’ve gone through in my own relationships. This is what I had to say,
Sorry for the late response but trust me I know the he’s the victim and you’re the villain role so well. I can’t tell you exactly what it means but what I can tell you is you shouldn’t always have to be the one to say sorry especially depending on the situation. If he is getting irritated at the simplest of things like you breathing or just being around his a jerk and is trying to find every reason in the book to be mad at you hoping you’ll eventually break up with him. I only say this from experience because when I got comfortable with not speaking to my boyfriend and everything he did annoyed me I knew it was over. I just didn’t want to be the one to say it.
Next time you two get in a fight and you know you did nothing wrong don’t be so quick to apologize let him miss you for once. If he goes on without speaking to you or doesn’t feel the need to apologize it’s just not going to work. A relationship is built on two people. Not one.
Hope this helped a little.
What advice would you give to a friend or family member in this kind of situation?
For a few days I’ve been feeling so lost in myself; Not knowing how to feel or what to say. I had a feeling of loneliness and sadness coming over me and a big part of me just wanted to break down and cry. Still I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me and why all of a sudden this feeling decided to pick that exact moment to come over me. Then I was driving home from work & a song came on, Heartbroken by Aaliyah. Before she was even two lines into the song I caught myself wiping tears from my face and trying to control my sobs. That’s when it hit me, I have a broken heart and it still hurts. I gained a new love (my son) but lost another (his dad) in the process. Instead of dealing with the heartbreak of losing the one person I truly loved I filled myself with anger and hate because how could he give up on the family we talked so much about having. Then I let that turn into me acting like he didn’t matter or exist to me. Still everything he does makes me anger and yet I can’t get over the love I feel. I can’t seem to move on. Maybe it’s because I’m still holding on to what could be. For days I’ve been trying to figure out what I’ve been missing and why I’ve been feeling so hurt. Finally I’m admitting to myself that my heart is still broke and it’s my fault for not giving it the time to heal.