Thoughts From Within

Not wanting to give up because every part of you (mind, body, and soul) tells you he’s the one you’ll end up spending your life with. Having visions of your future together and how beautiful it will all be. Family get togethers, adventures with the kids, dancing around to old school love songs and feeling the love grow with ever sway and turn. Even through the disagreements that turn to petty arguments you know that there is no one else out there for you. You try to burn the bridge to distance yourself but some how you still manage to make your way to the other side as if you two were linked in a way that no matter how much you pull away you remain stuck; ending up back in the same position you tried to leave. You start to wonder if this is God or if it’s the Devils work. Should you just try to walk away and see if that will finally be the end of it all? Or do you remain in their presence and see if it’ll fall apart anyway?

The Cycle….

Tell me why do men, no scratch that, why do boys think it’s okay to walk into a woman’s life and do nothing but waste her time? What was the point of pursuing her for months on in and building a friendship during the process if you knew you wanted nothing more than a few fucks here and there? Why talk about what the future would be like if you don’t see one with her? What makes you think it’s okay to listen to all the hurt she’s been through in the past and then turn around and do the exact same thing to her? Breaking down her wall and letting you in wasn’t an easy thing to do. You had to gain her trust. She needed to feel safe around you. She needed to know you’d be there and not hurt her like the ghost from her past. Oh, let me tell you, these boys play the role so well. Tell you everything you want to hear. They are nothing but devil in disguises seeing what they can get away with. Getting a kick out of us allowing them to be ignorant, disrespectful fools because we’ve invested so much time. They end up being worse than the ghost of exes. Yet we stay around and try to give them chance after chance. Sometimes we have to let them go and never let them back in. Tell me ladies, why should we keep wasting our time when we know there’s something/someone better for us? The cycle needs to end at some point right?

TWENTY88 – “Out of Love” Short Film

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Today I finally took some time to watch Big Sean & Jhene’s short film, “Out of Love,” for their joint album TWENTY88. The Short film was original released on Tidal, which I’m not apart of but as of last week it became viewable to everyone for free on Vevo Before watching the short film I was only a fan of a few songs. Let’s say the visual with the songs now has me ready to add the rest to my playlist. The video is fun, sexy, sad; just an emotional rollercoaster of love/hate. Oh and that sex scene for “2 Minute Warning,” had me melting in my seat. Jhene has definitely shown us a side we’ve never seen.

Advice: A Relationship Is A Two Way Street

So besides using WordPress I like to randomly go onto Tumblr sometimes and what do you know I seen I had a message from someone,

What does it mean when your boyfriend gets so easily irritated with you and when you guys fight he ignores you for days and for you 2 to start even speaking again I have to speak first and apologize but makes it seem like she’s the victim all the time and has an excuse for everything.

Now I’m no expert when it comes to relationships and I can only give you advice based on what I’ve gone through in my own relationships. This is what I had to say,

Broken Hearts Need Time To Heal

Dear Diary,

For a few days I’ve been feeling so lost in myself; Not knowing how to feel or what to say. I had a feeling of loneliness and sadness coming over me and a big part of me just wanted to break down and cry. Still I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me and why all of a sudden this feeling decided to pick that exact moment to come over me. Then I was driving home from work & a song came on, Heartbroken by Aaliyah. Before she was even two lines into the song I caught myself wiping tears from my face and trying to control my sobs. That’s when it hit me, I have a broken heart and it still hurts. I gained a new love (my son) but lost another (his dad) in the process. Instead of dealing with the heartbreak of losing the one person I truly loved I filled myself with anger and hate because how could he give up on the family we talked so much about having. Then I let that turn into me acting like he didn’t matter or exist to me. Still everything he does makes me anger and yet I can’t get over the love I feel. I can’t seem to move on. Maybe it’s because I’m still holding on to what could be. For days I’ve been trying to figure out what I’ve been missing and why I’ve been feeling so hurt. Finally I’m admitting to myself that my heart is still broke and it’s my fault for not giving it the time to heal.

– Single Mom

Single Mommy Diaries: Love Is Real

Love is real but don’t get me wrong, there are definitely times I doubt it. I doubt that there’s still men out there that treat their women like Queens and want to make sure their families are safe and provided for. I doubt that courting still exist cause we as women are so quick to jump for a man who sends smiley faces and heart eyes through text messages instead of calling us on the phone; taking the time out to get to know who we are. A good morning text, a trip to the movies and some fast food seems to count as a date these days and after that first “date” all there is do is “hang” and that consist of Netflix and sex. Eventually the cute text stop and you become a nag just for sending a simple, “What are you doing?” We’ve made it so easy for these guys to think they don’t have to do anything more. Is that all we’re really worth? Because that is how it appears. There are times I doubt that gentlemen still exist. I see guys sitting in the car while their woman is pumping gas and cleaning the windows. Guys don’t open doors anymore instead we do it for ourselves. They don’t call us beautiful or comment on our intelligence. Instead we’re bad bitches and they’d rather us be quiet than to hear anything we have to say. I see guys constantly degrading and disrespecting their women. They cheat on their women then go home and lay with their women. Then you see her posting up pictures on social media pretending to have the perfect relationship. It’s things like this that makes me doubt love is real. But I’m wrong cause there are still good men out there waiting to find the right woman to treat like a queen. I know love is real because my son has shown me that I can love deeper and stronger than I ever thought I could. My son is love and that’s how I know love is real. He is love and I made him out of love. That love may have broken my heart and put doubt in me that I’d find someone to love again but the fact that I’ve felt this way once makes me know I can love again. But this time it’ll be the right person. They say fairytales aren’t real but you’re wrong. I believe in fairytales and although they may not start out perfect there’s still a happy ending. I always say I have my happy (my son) but the ending has yet to come.

Evan Reed….

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My heartbeat, air, love, my world….. My son. I look at you and everything surrounding me disappears because all I see and hear is you. It’s as if the whole world stops and in that moment nothing else matters. I never knew a love so sweet and it’ll take years for you to understand the unconditionally love I have for you.

I look at my son and I could never understand how someone can simply walk out of their children’s lives and treat them so badly. leaving him for just a few hours hurts my heart. The whole time away all I can think about is what he’s doing; has he ate, is he crying, maybe he’s playing or is he sleep. I look at my phone just to see his face wherever I go.

I want him to grow up and know that he is loved and whatever he needs or wants to talk about I’m here for him. I’ll teach him right from wrong. Remind him to always respect his elders and women. There’s nothing like a gentleman and I believe my generation needs to teach their children what a gentleman is. Take it back to the days when men cherished and protected their families.  I’ll remind him that education is the key and he has to work hard for what he wants; there are no shortcuts but God will help you find your way.

Looking at him just puts so much into perspective.  He inspires me. I love him more than anything and it continues to grow.