How can you look me in the eyes and say I’ve never been there for you? Looking back at you, I can see our whole journey playing on a loop.
Who was there giving you a shoulder to cry on when the world made you feel like you had to walk around in permanent armor?
The world made you feel like you had to remain hard in order to receive respect, but I assured you your emotions only added to the strength you possessed, and if you felt the need to hide from the world, you didn’t have to hide yourself from me.
You let your emotions flow like a river, and I was there to float freely with you.
My dear, please, don’t act like I wasn’t there helping you, building you up when you were at your lowest with no one around to lift your spirits to heights higher than the highest.
Treating you like the light that guided my way through the darkness you were living in when I was really your sun in the night sky keeping a glow on your face.
Helping you evolve into the man she sees standing before her, a man who found his way when he got lost in the wind and led into a direction that only read destruction ahead.
I traveled long and far to bring you back from the depths of hell only for you to up and leave me to fight the demons of your world alone.
Okay, maybe not that close but after yesterday, 5/14, which was my birthday, 30 is officially 364 days away. Am I scared? Not like I thought I would be because it’s not about the age, it’s about the experiences, the lessons and the progress. I spent so much time thinking I had to have a husband by 30, a set career by 30, a home by 30 and so many other things BUT here I am at 29 and I’m HAPPY.
Within the 29 years I’ve been on this Earth I believe I’ve done and learned what I’ve needed to, so far. It started in the womb where I began to grow and learned to survive within my mother. Once I opened my eyes to the world outside of her, the growth continued, the teaching and learning began and here I am at 29 still alive and well.
It took me 29 years to realize what I was truly passionate about, to get to know myself as a woman and to realize that life isn’t all about having the best of everything ( cars, clothes, jewels etc.) Besides if I had all the things money could buy me, it would mean nothing if I wasn’t right within myself because those things aren’t what make a person complete. Even billionaires find themselves unhappy and depressed because they spent so much time assuming all the riches in the world equaled up to happiness.
That even includes finding love. Like I mentioned, I thought I’d be engaged by now and having that wedding next year. Not like it can’t still happen but I’ve been in the process of getting to know what it’s like to truly be alone, which includes no dating and I’ve even cut off those booty calls from the guy you keep on the back burner for just in case moments or the guy you think you’ll eventually be with when HE gets it together. Years of being involved with guys that didn’t truly value who I was as a woman got me thinking, it’s not just them but it’s also ME. What didn’t I like about myself that kept leading me to the same type of guys? Yea, I found my voice and spoke up about the disrespect, yet I still stuck with them because I believed I needed to have somebody no matter how bad I felt with them.
Then as far as a career, I’m not working a full-time job that I’m set in until I retire. I’m contracted but the money is nice and helping me get by. Maybe one day I’ll find that career I’m set in or maybe those books I write and clothes I enjoy creating will be the thing that gets me everything I want. Withing 2 years I’ve released 4 books, which is something I never thought I’d do and that alone is an extremely huge accomplishment. Only time will tell what’s really in my future when it comes to this author/business shit but I think it’s going to be something great.
Although I feel like 30 is officially around the corner, I’m going to enjoy the last of my 20s. I’m finally traveling more, spending more time loving on my family, my mom skills are improving, shit I’m improving and I want to continue to be the best woman and mother I can be.
So, with that said, YAY!!! to this last year in my 20s. Let’s make 29 great!!
It’s been over a week since we lost a predominant figure in the rap game as well as around the world and particularly in his community. Nipsey Hussle, birth name Ermias Joseph Asghedom, wasn’t just known for his lyrics but for his activism, entrepreneurship, spirit and his overall efforts/contributions to bettering himself and his community. Nipsey Hussle was and still is an inspiration to those who know him and even those just finding out about him through his death. He was truly the 2Pac of our generation and his legacy will forever live on.
Ermias will be taking his final victory lap tomorrow, April 11, and to honor his memory I would like to share a few gems that will inspire myself and everyone else to continue the marathon. It won’t be easy but it is possible and with his words of encouragement we can become whatever we want and create a path for our children and their children to follow.
1. “The most important thing, number one, is you gotta get rid of doubt. If you got doubt in what you’re doing, it’s not gonna work and the way to do that is you have a plan. ‘Cause if you got a plan, it’s not just like a pipe-dream, you have a step-by-step list of things to do to get to your goal. If you don’t have that, it’s very hard to really have faith in what you’re doing ’cause soon as something pop up, it’s gonna look like the end-all.”
2. “The company you keep has a large influence on the situations you bring to yourself. So, whatever direction motherfuckers are heading in, whether it’s rap music, production, or a 9-5 life, whatever it is; you gotta surround yourself with people that’s like-minded and focused on the same goal you’re focused on. Birds of a feather flock together.”
3. ” You gotta just stick to the script, believe and have an overwhelming confidence. Be your own biggest fan, your own biggest believer, and put it on your back and carry the weight.”
4. “The best teacher in life is your own experience/ None of us know who we are until we fail/ They say every man is defined by his reaction to any given situation/ Well who would you want to define you?/ Someone else or yourself? Whatever you do, homie, give your heart to it/ And stay strong.”
5. “Instead of trying to build a brick wall, lay a brick everyday. Eventually you’ll look up and you’ll have a brick wall.”
6. “I just believe in ownership… I believe in investing in yourself…Your foundation should be strong.”
What will you do to help the marathon continue?
I’m going to continue to have faith in myself, study my craft more and learn more about investing. I want have/attend events to help empower and women like myself. The list will only grow and one day I will have that peace & financial stability I desire.
Until then I’m going to leave you with my favorite song from Nipsey 💙🏁🕊
