For about 6 years now I’ve been a single woman. I haven’t had the honor of calling anyone my man officially in quite awhile, even though I’ve dated a few people during my time of being single. In those cases I so badly wanted to become someone’s girlfriend. Why not, right? All the time we spent spending time with one another, going on dates, talking on the phone and in many instances becoming intimate, you would assume the next step would be to make the relationship official.
As much as I wanted to have the title, not getting it began to teach me a lot of life skills—what I wanted out of my life, myself & a partner.
When it comes to finding an other sometimes the relationship moves so fast that we can get lost in just that, the relationship, and lose track of what makes you, YOU. We tend to put what’s important to us to the side to make sure we can put our all into someone else. But there is no way for a relationship to have an healthy outcome if both sides aren’t entering into the relationship whole and with clear expectations.
You might be thinking to yourself, I’m an amazing partner with healthy habits, which may be true but there are also ways for you to love better and that starts with the following skills below:
Know What You Want Out Of A Relationship (& Stick To It)
Before jumping into a relationship you should know what you want to come from it. Having a list of clear goals can help you find a like minded partner and avoid going down a destructive path due to the excitement of dating. What are your deal breakers? This is also important to know because down the line you don’t want them to pop up and then here goes an argument and you having to decide if you are going to compromise something you know you cannot deal with.
Enjoy Having Alone Time
Meeting someone is exciting and in the beginning stages of dating and relationships people often find themselves spending all the free time they have as a couple. It’s new and exciting but you shouldn’t lose sight of the independence you have. So, take time to yourself and learn to happily be alone. Time alone will give you the space you need to enjoy doing things you love, to clear your mind and practice loving/caring for self more.
Check Jealousy At The Door
I know it’s a hard thing to ask of someone but it can be done. Jealousy is a natural feeling especially when you begin to date but it can be handled before you enter into a relationship. Jealousy doesn’t always have to be surrounded by love, it could be a coworker who gets better treatment, a family member who has accomplished buying property and so on. Spend your days practicing how to love yourself more and to be happy for others. Do some affirmations when you find yourself getting that feeling of jealousy. Jealousy can lead to being possessive and that isn’t healthy at all.
Work On Your Finances
No one likes to bring up finances but if we are being honest here, they can make or break a relationship. The more serious a relationship gets the more the talk about finances begin to come up. This is something you should get under control before hopping into a relationship. Plus, as an individual you should want to have this under control already. Create healthy spending habits. Take a look into your debt and begin to figure out how you want to lower it. You will be happy the sooner you begin & it will also make saving a lot easier.
Get to know yourself—Outside of a relationship what type of person are you and how does your actions affect those around you? What is it that makes you tick? What goals do you have or what is something you want to work on? what are your strengths and weaknesses? All of these things are important questions. In order for someone else to know who you are, you need to know yourself.
Learn To Trust Your Intuition
Those gut feelings you get inside in certain situations of life should not be pushed to the side. Learning to trust yourself can save you time, money and your dignity.
Sex! Learn What You Do & Don’t Like
For some, sex can be an uncomfortable subject but if you are willing to give your body to someone else you should also be able to self-explore. Figure out the spots on your body that arouse you and what it is that brings you to climax that way when you do become involved you will be able to show/tell your partner how to please you. As women we should not be afraid to voice what we want and need in the bedroom.
Are You Ready?
How ready are you to be in a relationship? Are you even ready at all? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. I would download dating apps or find myself communicating with ex lovers and I got to the point where I realized I had no interest in dating or being in a relationship. I still needed the time to find myself and I also were seeing a lot of traits in others that I didn’t want in a relationship or partner. Reflect on some past relationships and where you are now. This may help you decide if you are ready to enter the world of dating again.