Romance In The Workplace

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Have you ever found yourself walking down the hall and you almost bump into a coworker or notice someone you’ve never paid attention to before? Or have you ran into someone in the break room and you start feeling butterflies? Suddenly you look up and see this beautiful person in front of you. From that moment you find yourself attracted and wanting to learn more about who they are as a person but there’s that part of you that’s saying don’t mix your professional and personal life. Yet you find yourself flirting every now and then or find yourself looking a little too long and immediately having to look away when you see them coming your way. There are days you don’t know if you should speak or stay hidden away in your corner of the office. It’s actually kind of torturous.

Anyways this is currently happening to me. I’ve found myself attracted to someone who works in the same building as me. I’ve noticed him for months ever since I almost walked right into him. Besides the fact that he is handsome and funny (I got some courage to speak to him), every time I look his way something in me goes, “I want to learn all about that man.” Now, I’m telling myself I have no intentions of crossing any boundaries but wouldn’t I be if I acted on thoughts of wanting to get to know him outside of the office? Not anything sexual but just wanting to catch a show, go for a walk and build a friendship outside of work. Who knows he may not even want to get to know me in that way so why say anything at all right? Or what happens if a friendship turns into something romantic. Then you have to worry about mixing love and work; the consequences that could possibly come with it.

This conflict I’ve been having with myself got me thinking about workplace romance and that’s where this piece comes into place…

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Polyamorous Relationships: Are They Worth A Try

Polyamorous

The philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time

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Polyamory n :

is the non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously.Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. 

Before getting into this I thought it was important to share a few definitions explaining polygamy but I believe it is also important to share the difference between being in a open relationship. When looking at the two they are similar when it comes to multiple parties being involved. With open relationships it is agreed that it is okay to take on new partners outside of the relationship but you do not have to speak to, see, or be committed to that other relationship in anyway. It’s basically living two separate lives but in this case you are in the know. As with a polyamorous relationship those involved are all committed, in most cases a man and two women.

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Stop Blaming The Other Woman

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Infidelity has become something that is so common you start to wonder if it is possible for someone to remain faithful. We are automatically jumping into relationships thinking about the what ifs… What if he/she cheats? Will I leave or will I stay? Will I confront the other party involved? Before giving the relationship a fair chance we begin to manifest the negative thoughts we are having.

The biggest problem I have when it comes to cheating is that we always tend to blame the other woman and are quick to forgive the man. Now you notice when I woman cheats men don’t go blaming the other guy, full responsibility for the act is put on the woman. Men will walk away and never look back no matter how much a woman begs and pleads for him to stay. So why is it that women don’t do the same? Why do we cling onto a man who can’t keep his dick in his pants? Why do we bash the other woman and wish bad onto her?

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I’m Still Stuck on My First…

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A while back I remember reading an article about only really falling for three people in our lifetime. It stuck with me so of course I had to scroll down my timeline on Facebook to find it again. The article can be found on Elephant Journal. According to this article each love comes into our lives for a different reason:

  1. Our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children.

  2. The second is supposed to be our hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation.

  3. The third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.

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Infidelity: Exes Confronting One Another

Yesterday I was on Twitter and seen a video of a two people (exes) discussing the infidelity that went on in their relationship. The video starts off with Kourtney asking, “What did you do?” and he proceeds to say everything.

What was everything? Well he cheated on her with multiple women. During the video she asked how many and he couldn’t say a number because he lost count. Throughout the video you can see how hurt she is and he has no emotion. It’s as if he had no remorse for what he did to her yet she still forgave him. I believe if the opportunity was presented to her again she would get back with her ex. It’s sad watching how hurt she is yet you can tell she still has so much love for him.

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When Do You Say Enough

Ever been in a relationship with a man who is constantly speaking down on you like you are a child and then it eventually turns into aggressive behavior? You are standing their stuck with a frightened look on your face while he’s calling you out of your name and pacing back and forth. At this point you’re no longer looking at the man you fell for but someone full of hate and anger. You don’t stand up for yourself because you are terrified of what he’s going to do or say next. Baby girl, you might not realize it but you are in an abusive relationship. This can happen no matter your gender, race or sexuality. No one is exempt from being verbally abused.

Think of verbal abuse like bullying, you know it’s wrong yet you do it anyway because it makes you feel like you have the power. You thrive off the feeling of another person being scared or feeling like they are less than. The effects are worst than being physically hurt because wounds heal but words can stick with a person for a lifetime. You play them over and over in your head so much that you start to believe what’s been said. No matter if it’s a man attacking a woman, another woman attacking a fellow Queen, or a woman spitting fire with her words at a man etc. It’s all still verbal abuse.

verbal-abuse

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Come Again.. Cut Off Who?

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I can’t recall all the times I’ve had someone I was dating tell me to cut off my male friends but it’s one of the most irritating things I’ve experienced. I would look at them with this, “who the fuck do you think you are” face. Who were they to tell me who and who I couldn’t be friends with? They definitely weren’t my boyfriends and if they were trying to be they weren’t doing a great job at sealing the deal.

Don’t get me wrong, there comes a time when you do have to let go of some of those male friends in your life, you know the ones that are secretly waiting on your relationships to end, putting doubts in your head about your significant other whenever you come to them for advice so they can eventually be the guy you turn to when you’re over the relationship. Those are the ones you need to pay close attention to once you start getting serious with someone. You don’t want your man being uncomfortable because your “friend” doesn’t know when to stop flirting with you.

Still I’m not cutting anyone from my team until we decide we are going to make it official and work towards building a future together.  Continue reading