Did I ever tell you guys I did therapy for awhile? It wasn’t something I had planned on doing but during the time I was unemployed it was an option for me; one that I’m glad I was given and till this day I wish I found another therapist to continue to see. Taking the time to talk to someone outside of your circle brings a lot to the forefront that you would have never seen if it weren’t for a therapist. One of those things that came to light was it’s not my responsibility to make sure everyone around me or that I love is okay.
I’ve spent so much time holding myself back and neglecting taking care of myself because I’ve always been the type of person to base what I do in my life on others, whether that be in a relationship, with my family, or in my career. My thought process has always been if I do this I won’t be able to do that for them, which shouldn’t even be in my thoughts unless it’s something that I need to do for my son. In all honesty my son should be the only person I’m taking care of and making life easier for, until he is able to take care of himself, and my parents of course when they are unable to do for themselves.
I’ve put my time and my money into making sure people have had clothes on their backs, food in their stomachs, money in their pockets and even my car to get to and from places. I’ve done this for people who’ve never done anything for me like EVER, but I did it because I felt some sort of obligation to. If I love and care about them why wouldn’t I, right? but that should never be the case and you should never feel bad about saying no, especially if it’s going to affect you in some sort of way.
Now, I’m not saying that it’s bad to want to be that person that loves and cares for other people. It can actually have certain benefits like: lowering your blood pressure, it teaches patience, understanding, loyalty and sometimes it just feels good to make someone else happy, but it can also have it’s negatives. Spending time taking care of everyone else will always lead to you neglecting yourself and feeling like you aren’t worthy of others love and care. Eventually you may get to a point where you start rejecting those that want to be in the position you’ve always been in; wanting to care for you and love you unconditionally.
Before you get into the habit of making sure everyone in your life is okay, make sure you are taking care of yourself first. Once you are aligned mentally, physically and spiritually you’ll be in a position to accept the help you need, as well as helping others, but remember you aren’t obligated.
Friday I decided to have some time to myself (with the company of my cousin). I headed to Chevy’s, ate some chips and salsa, devoured some hot wings, and had a few drinks while talking for hours. It was just the Friday night I needed and one I hadn’t had for quiet some time. It was honestly a night I didn’t know I needed until I walked out the door and a sense of relief came over me. I was finally getting away from the kids and this time I didn’t feel bad about it.
When it comes to being a full-time mother it’s rare that we get time to be to ourselves, especially if you also work full-time. We get into the routine of waking up, packing lunches, getting the kids dressed and off to school. Then comes the full day at work that doesn’t always go as planned and can drain the life out of you before you get back to the kids school for pick up. Once you pick them up now you have to make snacks, do homework, make dinner and go through a whole bedtime routine. How does the world expect us mother’s not to be physically/mentally drained?
Due to the judgement of others, a lot of mother’s don’t express the amount of exhaustion they feel or how they need or want a break from being a mom for just a day—hell, even a few hours. We get told not to complain because, “it’s your job,” and “that’s what you’re supposed to do.” As a mother we already know it’s our jobs to make sure our children are well taken care of, happy and healthy but we also can’t put our self-care to the side because eventually we will break and mom’s, you do not want that to happen.
It’s time to start making time for yourselves moms and below is a list of how you can do it!
TAKE YOURSELF TO A MOVIE
I’m sure there may be a list of movies you’ve been dying to see but haven’t quite had the time. Plan a day away from the kids and go see one of them. This will give you at least 2 hours away from the clutter and screaming children.
GO OUT TO EAT
Plan a lunch/dinner date with a few girlfriends or family you haven’t seen in awhile. Treat yourself to a drink while at it. You deserve it!
Go for a nice walk, a hike, do some yoga or take a boxing class. Some fresh air and a nice sweat is just the break you may need. This will give you time to clear your mind, relieve stress and get healthy during the process.
TAKE TIME TO RELAX
After a long day of mommy duties run a warm bath & maybe even light a candle. You’ll be sure to get a good night’s sleep.
It’ll be the best nap you’ve every had and is sure to keep you going throughout the day. Sometimes we think we need those long hour naps to re-energize but some times those are the same naps that keep us feeling sluggish throughout the day,
Whatever you do, make sure to always make time for YOU!