8 Things You Should Learn Before Jumping Into A Relationship.

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Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

For about 6 years now I’ve been a single woman. I haven’t had the honor of calling anyone my man officially in quite awhile, even though I’ve dated a few people during my time of being single. In those cases I so badly wanted to become someone’s girlfriend. Why not, right? All the time we spent spending time with one another, going on dates, talking on the phone and in many instances becoming intimate, you would assume the next step would be to make the relationship official.

As much as I wanted to have the title, not getting it began to teach me a lot of life skills—what I wanted out of my life, myself & a partner.

When it comes to finding an other sometimes the relationship moves so fast that we can get lost in just that, the relationship, and lose track of what makes you, YOU. We tend to put what’s important to us to the side to make sure we can put our all into someone else. But there is no way for a relationship to have an healthy outcome if both sides aren’t entering into the relationship whole and with clear expectations.

You might be thinking to yourself, I’m an amazing partner with healthy habits, which may be true but there are also ways for you to love better and that starts with the following skills below:

Know What You Want Out Of A Relationship (& Stick To It)

Before jumping into a relationship you should know what you want to come from it. Having a list of clear goals can help you find a like minded partner and avoid going down a destructive path due to the excitement of dating. What are your deal breakers? This is also important to know because down the line you don’t want them to pop up and then here goes an argument and you having to decide if you are going to compromise something you know you cannot deal with.

Enjoy Having Alone Time

Meeting someone is exciting and in the beginning stages of dating and relationships people often find themselves spending all the free time they have as a couple. It’s new and exciting but you shouldn’t lose sight of the independence you have. So, take time to yourself and learn to happily be alone. Time alone will give you the space you need to enjoy doing things you love, to clear your mind and practice loving/caring for self more.

Check Jealousy At The Door

I know it’s a hard thing to ask of someone but it can be done. Jealousy is a natural feeling especially when you begin to date but it can be handled before you enter into a relationship. Jealousy doesn’t always have to be surrounded by love, it could be a coworker who gets better treatment, a family member who has accomplished buying property and so on. Spend your days practicing how to love yourself more and to be happy for others. Do some affirmations when you find yourself getting that feeling of jealousy. Jealousy can lead to being possessive and that isn’t healthy at all.

Work On Your Finances

No one likes to bring up finances but if we are being honest here, they can make or break a relationship. The more serious a relationship gets the more the talk about finances begin to come up. This is something you should get under control before hopping into a relationship. Plus, as an individual you should want to have this under control already. Create healthy spending habits. Take a look into your debt and begin to figure out how you want to lower it. You will be happy the sooner you begin & it will also make saving a lot easier.

Be Self-Aware

Get to know yourself—Outside of a relationship what type of person are you and how does your actions affect those around you? What is it that makes you tick? What goals do you have or what is something you want to work on? what are your strengths and weaknesses? All of these things are important questions. In order for someone else to know who you are, you need to know yourself.

Learn To Trust Your Intuition

Those gut feelings you get inside in certain situations of life should not be pushed to the side. Learning to trust yourself can save you time, money and your dignity. 

Sex! Learn What You Do & Don’t Like

For some, sex can be an uncomfortable subject but if you are willing to give your body to someone else you should also be able to self-explore. Figure out the spots on your body that arouse you and what it is that brings you to climax that way when you do become involved you will be able to show/tell your partner how to please you. As women we should not be afraid to voice what we want and need in the bedroom.

Are You Ready?

How ready are you to be in a relationship? Are you even ready at all? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. I would download dating apps or find myself communicating with ex lovers and I got to the point where I realized I had no interest in dating or being in a relationship. I still needed the time to find myself and I also were seeing a lot of traits in others that I didn’t want in a relationship or partner. Reflect on some past relationships and where you are now. This may help you decide if you are ready to enter the world of dating again.

 

 

You Want Me To What!?

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Sex, when it comes to the act, I’m pretty open when it comes to the person I’m dealing with, BUT no matter how comfortable I am that doesn’t mean I’ll do anything. What I mean by that is you will not catch me tossing anybody’s salad. Don’t dare ask me to do it and don’t you dare try it on me. Just the thought of kissing you after your tongue has entered my backdoor is one thing I don’t want to think about and I damn sure don’t want to imagine my man with his ass up in the air asking me to eat his booty.

You Want Me To What!?

Don’t Take My Kindness for Sexual Advances

“There is no weapon in the feminine armory to which men are so vulnerable as they are to a smile”. – Dorothy Dix

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Last night I went somewhat on a rant after seeing the most unexpected message to come to my phone that whole entire day. I had no clue what I was looking at and I was confused as to why I was being scolded for not being into a guy the way he thought I was? The old me would have looked at the texts that were accusing me of being this manipulative, liar who agreed to go on a date (that I didn’t agree to) and pretended not to know who this guy was when I seen him and I would have immediately cussed out this guy but instead I kept my cool for the simple fact that the whole situation was petty and we have a mutual friend.

Let me give you a little background on how we got to this place:

Don’t Take My Kindness for Sexual Advances

Operation…CLOSED LEGS

I’m over it! SEX… I’m just completely over it.

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Like men, women get bored too and to fill that void we occasionally use sex. It feels good (for the most part) and it’s a quick release. Let’s face it, sex takes the stress away and it can be pretty damn fun depending on who you’re vibing with.  I’m 110% guilty. I find myself feeling lonely with nothing to do and it makes it easy to turn to sex for a little excitement. The bad part about it is in order to get the sex I start to rekindle old relationships with people I stopped dealing with for obvious reasons but because I loved what they had to offer in that particular area I always found my way back. I also knew if I called they weren’t going to deny me. Not to toot my own horn but *beep beep* I got that bomb that keeps the boys coming back. Anyways they may have been jerks but I knew the sex was going to be amazing. My logic was why go out and find someone new who may have the potential to disappoint me in the bedroom when I can just go for what I know?

Operation…CLOSED LEGS

Forcing Connections..? Don’t

Thinking he’s the one won’t make him the one…”

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Ladies ladies ladies… I know that sometimes we are so desperate to meet “the one” that we mind fuck ourselves into thinking any guy that comes into our lives with a few nice gestures is the one. First off ladies, most men are doing one of the two:

  1. Being gentleman enough to the point he gets you to say yes to giving him your number so he can take you out
  2. Being gentleman enough to get you out in order to eventually get you into bed.

The first motive is usually a good one. He wants to take you out, meaning he wants to get to know you more. It doesn’t have to be right away of course but eventually that is the goal. He’ll spend time getting to know you, hopefully via voice calls and not text. I find that you get to really know a person by talking on the phone. Text tends to get misread and assumptions are made. Now once he feels like you’re comfortable enough the two of you may finally plan that date night. Onto the second motive: he’s only being gentleman like because he wants to have sex with you. It’s the sad truth. Guys will only be nice enough to get you in bed and then they let their true colors fly. Now this can happen in a short amount of time or he’s the guy that doesn’t mind the long ride. Once you do give it up you’re stuck wondering why he’s no longer the guy you first met.

Here I go again going onto a whole new subject. Just like a woman to get sidetracked with the million other thoughts going on in my head. So back to it; thinking he’s the one isn’t going to make him the one. To be honest it’s really not up to us to decide if he’s the one. Sure there are signs that can let us know if he may or may not be the one but as women we have to remember that if he doesn’t feel the same way about you it’s not on you to say, “but you’re the one for me.” Sorry sweetie but it doesn’t work that way, it takes two.

Forcing Connections..? Don’t