As the seasons passed, I watched you grow.
Finally, I understood what it meant to feel alive.
Whenever I felt butterflies, it was you saying, “hi.”
For months, I watched as you rested on my side.
Though painful, I was happy you were keeping me aware you were alive.
You blossomed into the most beautiful being I’d ever seen.
Born with a crown, you’re for sure a King to be.
Renee, Sydney. The Diary of She – Vol. II: Poems & Affirmations .
He’s a disease that won’t stop spreading.
How can I get rid of him?
I swear he’s making me sick.
He’s consuming my every thought.
I feel him beneath my flesh.
He makes my blood boil, but he’s the only one who knows how to cool me down.
His touch is irresistible and his smile hypnotizing.
I forget about my surroundings.
I’d follow his every command and submit to everything that is him.
Every wall that I built came tumbling down.
I was left looking him in the eyes, praying he didn’t ignite the flame in my heart that took years to put out.
As he pierces me with those beautiful eyes, I can feel him eating away at me, breaking me down until finally I say, “Let’s give us another chance.”
He’s toxic, but I’m addicted to the feeling.
He crept into my dreams and kissed me like no one ever had.
The moment was engraved in my mind,
and he was who I wanted to see every night when I closed my eyes.
I craved his lips, wishing they were pressed against mine.
Thoughts of him would remain until he walked out of my dreams and into my life.
How can you look me in the eyes and say I’ve never been there for you? Looking back at you, I can see our whole journey playing on a loop.
Who was there giving you a shoulder to cry on when the world made you feel like you had to walk around in permanent armor?
The world made you feel like you had to remain hard in order to receive respect, but I assured you your emotions only added to the strength you possessed, and if you felt the need to hide from the world, you didn’t have to hide yourself from me.
You let your emotions flow like a river, and I was there to float freely with you.
My dear, please, don’t act like I wasn’t there helping you, building you up when you were at your lowest with no one around to lift your spirits to heights higher than the highest.
Treating you like the light that guided my way through the darkness you were living in when I was really your sun in the night sky keeping a glow on your face.
Helping you evolve into the man she sees standing before her, a man who found his way when he got lost in the wind and led into a direction that only read destruction ahead.
I traveled long and far to bring you back from the depths of hell only for you to up and leave me to fight the demons of your world alone.
Every day I look at my bookshelf and the stack of empty journals just waiting to be used, along with the two sitting on my nightstand begging to be opened. I thought about throwing them out and I’ve told people to stop buying them for me because I don’t use them. Yet, I refuse to give them away because of their beauty.
Oh and I can’t forget about the half empty journals with memories of my summer’s before college and the times I felt so hurt by the father of my child that I couldn’t do anything but write. Like honestly, do I rip out the pages and burn the memories or do I continue to write in them with more consistency?
I’ve been thinking of all the ways I can bring my journals back to life; get them out of their state of loneliness and I believe I’ve found some answers. Check out these ideas that will help put those empty or half empty journals to use:
& there’s so much more you can use those empty journals for. What do you use your journals for?
