“A relationship built solely on sex is hardly a relationship at all…”
I’m not an expert when it comes to getting and keeping a relationship, as my ass has been single for what seems like forever, but I have had a share of my own relationships, some of which were based solely on sex. Can I even call this a relationship at all? Do these kind of relationships last once you remove the sex? I’m stuck between yes and no but I’m definitely leaning towards, “FUCK NO that shit doesn’t work out.”
I can remember getting into two different relationships (different times of course) and thinking back I can’t think of anything I had in common with either of these guys besides the fact that we enjoyed fucking each other, oh and they made me laugh. Gotta be able to make me laugh or we won’t be getting anywhere what so ever and YES, I said fucking. You can’t make love when you haven’t learned enough about each other outside of the bedroom to actually fall in love. Seriously, these relationships were, “hey how are you, lets eat (some days), okay now let’s get it on wherever we can” kind of thing going on. I was still pretty young at the time so during those time periods it didn’t hit me that I was in a sexship, as my friend called it. I figured because we had made it clear we were together and that we couldn’t stay away from each other that we were in a real relationship. It took me getting into a serious ass, “we living” together relationship to realize it’s so much more to being with someone.
To me kissing is one of the most intimate acts shared between two people. To be honest I find it more intimate than the act of having sex. This may not be the case for everyone but a person can have sex with you and never once will you two share a kiss and I say it’s because they aren’t as into as you may have thought. They simply had a goal of getting you in bed and it was accomplished but that’s not what we are talking about today. For two people to lock lips there had to have been some kind of chemistry there and if not chemistry definitely curiosity. I’m guilty of kissing a guy out of curiosity and then wishing I hadn’t after. It just confirmed what I had already known, I just wasn’t that into you outside of the friend zone.
Su & Tray (Stage30) gives us another great podcast about self-love and relationships.
First thing that really caught my attention was you should listen to when someone tells you that the person you are with is foul as fuck, especially when its their friend. A lot of times we won’t listen because we think their friend is trying to throw shade/plot on how they can get you. We automatically assume they’re hating on your “relationship” but they are genuinely trying to let you know to move on because this dude is running around on you. We don’t think about it until the nigga’s foul as ways start to appear. Even if a dude is trying to get with you knowing you are dating his friend is most likely because he’s doing dirt behind your back or his friend told him go for it because he’s not all about you anyway. We as women already know when a dude ain’t shit ourselves but we chose to ignore the signs. Start listening to the “hating homie” and yourself.
Another thing I loved about this podcast was the fact that they called out us women letting a relationship define who we are as women. We put all of our energy into the relationship instead of ourselves. I’ve been guilty of this in the past. You start depending on being with someone in order to be happy. We lose sight of our goals and what we currently had going on in our own lives. The moment the relationship fails you see females talking about how they’re going to get right with the Lord, go back to school and focus on themselves. You should have been doing that in the first place.
I could really go on and on about this podcast but I suggest you take a listen for yourself.
“You’ll know when a man cares and genuinely wants you because he’ll want to grow with you. Even if you attract his attention, it doesn’t mean he’ll respect you. And even if he tells you he wants you, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll end up with his heart.”
I seen this quote as I was scrolling through IG this morning and it made me think. Women get so caught up in wanting to be with someone so bad they forget that all guys aren’t the same and neither are their intentions. There’s actually a few guys we should know the difference between:
This is the guy who’s always in your wallet and never wants to spend time with you except for when he needs something. He’s always complaining about what he doesn’t have and eventually he knows you’re going to start feeling bad for him. It starts off with little stuff like food or a ride. Then it eventually turns into you paying his bills and always letting him “borrow” money that you’ll never get back. This is the guy who doesn’t like you but he likes you for what you can do. Once you stop doing for him he’s on to the next with no regrets. Why? Because he’s a user and that’s just how he gets by. How long is it going to take us women to notice that a guy is only hitting our phones when he needs something.
Well do I really need to explain it? It’s pretty obvious this is the guy who just wants to get another pretty girl under his belt. All you are to him is a sexually object and ladies you’re confusing sex for love. Just because a man is having sex with you it doesn’t mean he wants to be with you. Most of the time this guy lets you know what his intentions are by the way he approaches you and they way he speaks to you but still we tend to get caught up in the sex and make it something it really isn’t. He may say he wants you but it’s not your heart he wants and you definitely aren’t the only woman he used the, “I want you” line on.
And I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about us ladies lol. Yes, it’s true, guys do put us in the friend zone and it’s usually the one we actually like. This is the guy we tell everything to and we feel comfortable being ourselves with. You find yourself spending all your time with this guy and you eventually catch feelings even though he’s never made a move on you. You get stuck being called the best friend or even worse the sister.
This is usually they guy we are all hoping to find but part of us our afraid he just doesn’t exist due to being hurt and played with so often. I’m telling you don’t give up because there are men out there willing to settle down and build with you. Just like us women mean dream of finding that one woman they are going to spend their life with, have children and a home with. He’ll be faithful to you & protect you no matter the cost. He is the guy that doesn’t look at you as an object but she’s you for who you truly are and loves everything about you, flaws included.
Really it’s on us women to distinguish who is who. Sometimes guys do play the role and act like they are committed to you but It’s on us to see the signs. We also have to remember not to get upset with they guy who made it clear from the beginning what you guys were and weren’t to each other because AGAIN he did let us know.